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Mar 11, 2007

Remember Atlantis... and SG1

The Dæmons - Episode 4

Recruitment and retention. That's the key to a successful business. Whether you're trying to corner the market in synthetic spiced meat rods, luxury German vehicular bags or peddling Universal domination.

"That's not going to cut any ice with the girls from the typing pool next time they're taking a Diet Coke break."

Phones4you The Master (who's current mood is somewhere between an evil Derek Nimo and a Phones 4 You advert) needs to call upon the best of the best in his latest enterprise. And instead, what does he end up with? A hirsute goatmanbeast with breath that could slice through infinity and body odour that brings tears to granite. He might come with top notch references but that's not going to cut any ice with the girls from the typing pool next time they're taking a Diet Coke break, now is it?

"UNIT's battle cry is simply a comedy 'wah-wah-waaaaaaah'."

Minstrel It's not as if he could learn any lessons from UNIT, whose soldiers are rarely, if ever, bested. Apart from when faced with a team of Morris Dancers, or an Italian waiter attempting to steal a helicopter, or well, anything really. Even their battle cry is simply a comedy "wah-wah-waaaaaaah". Is it any wonder that any of these adventures even have an end? As two monolithic blocks of witlessness come crashing together, their equal and opposite stupidity density instantly cancelling each other out resulting in them being locked into an unbreakable daisy chain of spiralling absurdity.

Until a boy scout appears on the scene with a slingshot and enough ammunition to threaten 6 old age pensioners. Then we'd see some action.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about part 4 of The Dæmons: Guy Leopold unsuccessfully pitched 3 other story ideas for the Third Doctor: Doctor Who and the Stylistic Inference of Time, Doctor Who and the Vestibule of Uncomfortable Renal Pain and Doctor Who and the Meat Paste Men.

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