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Mar 04, 2007

Get This Party Started

Episode 4. Yes, 4! I know. You go gallivanting off around the place, meeting the great and the good (and the not that good [and the downright insulting]) and you start slipping behind. I think I need a holiday, which is why this piece is being written by a stand-in Patrick Troughton.

The Seeds of Death - Episode 4

Partay Production is picking up a pace at Martian Party Supplies and Joke Shoppes Inc., "Your one stop shop for all things celebratory and death". Their range of party balloons are flying off the shelves, so much so they've been forced into drafting in some relief workers from a leading Martian temping agency. Their other best sellers, acid streamers and plastic Martian breasts have taken a temporary back seat as balloons, or seed pods (as the duffer boffins from brain central in England instantly recognize them as) are set for delivery all over the world.

"A paper which outlined theories that chickens were not only capable of flight, but also had evolved their ovaries into potential weapons to thwart the dominance of mankind."

Normal people, seeing one of these things, would think they were the product of a naughty schoolboy who'd gotten hold of a pack of condoms and decided to make some water-bombs. But not these joyless freaks, who were never ever invited to those sorts of parties when young, instead preferring to generate some complex logarithmic constructs whilst cracking one off over their chemistry sets. Even when they explode the dullard scientists can't quite bring themselves to find humour in this obvious school boy prank. Why, only last week, they reacted to finding that eggs had been pelted at their laboratory's front door by proposing a paper which outlined theories that chickens were not only capable of flight, but also had evolved their ovaries into potential weapons to thwart the dominance of mankind.

Hannibal Thankfully for planet Earth the Martian temping agency had actually sent them the A-Team's Hannibal Smith in a green skin, instead of a worker warrior, and the smoke poring over the face of the globe from all the exploded seed pods was merely a by-product of his big fat Cuban cigar. So there never was a threat to planet Earth after all...

I love it when a plan comes together.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about part 4 of The Seeds of Death: none of the three regulars are actually in this episode; a stand-in took the place of the subconscious Doctor, Zoe was replaced by a fizzing ball of arrogance and pomposity shoved into a chicken roasting bag and Jamie was replaced by a strategically shaved Old English Sheepdog. Unfortunately the propensity for him to lick his balls ,whilst off camera, was deemed off putting to the rest of the cast and crew so in order to prevent him from doing that Jamie was let back onto the set for the next episode and told to leave his privates alone from now on.


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