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Oct 05, 2006

Shards Reunited

Or "I'm Putting The Band Back Together Again"
Or "Trisha Special: 'Why I Married A Man With Green Skin And One Eye'"
Or "Duggan's Dreary Dicksome Decking Drags Down Dear Doctor"

City of Death - Episode Four

The destruction of Paris is contemplated at many points during this story. And who hasn't thought about exercising his anger on the French before now? Although you'd have thought that merely having Duggan go on one of his signature rampages would eventually cause more damage to the city and its populace than this laughable machine that Kerensky's built (for real Parisian destruction you need go no further than Team America's open few scenes).

"The decorative gold leaf looks more like Caramac wrappers that have been flattened out and stuck onto the doors."

Fadetogrey I'm not totally convinced that this lash up would cause anything more than x-rays of molars to be taken. And on the evidence presented here the most it seems to be able to do is instill in its victim a need to perform a jiggy little movement that would even embarrass Pan's People and then engage Star Trek Aging Process To The Max. In short, it looks no more horiffic than many an anti aging skin care advert.

Of course, it's x-ray capability does mean that it could at least be used to workout which of the Mona's are the duds and which is the bobby dazzler. But wait! What will the stupid Count do with all this high tech gadgetry now that its creator has been removed from the equation before he was able to complete the Dummies Guide level owners manual. This where Romana comes into play, up off the bench, rubbed down and slipped right into the middle of the action in her not-at-all pervy school girls outfit. Phwoarrrrrrrrr.

Batcave And from a school girl outfit to an all in black number, as the Countess begins to get a glimmer of what she might have married. And she gives more of an insight into the marital activities she might, or might not, have enjoyed with the Count, in the process revealing that she's enjoyed the high life with the Count, to such an extent that he's installed a really shoddy version  of the statuette that leads to the Bat Cave in Wayne Manor.

"Why she didn't also graft on a spectacle wearing donkey spleen, with a cockney accent, whilst she was at it?"

But getting back to the plot, as the Countess' little grey cells audible start to piece together all the bits of her sham marriage to the Count, he returns to the main drawing room to say his goodbyes. I'm not too sure she's gotten the lifestyle the lack of physical contact merited because some of the decorative gold leaf looks more like Caramac wrappers that have been flattened out and stuck onto the doors.

Romana_1 Romana reveals a level of stupidity hitherto unseen in her character when she realizes, with a Gallifreyan D'oh, who she's been working for. "Ohhhh, if I had known it was the Jagaroth I'd not have helped him at all. Silly me!" And then announces an utterly pointless two minute limit she'd built into the field sustainability germinator (or whatever it was called). Why she didn't also graft on a spectacle wearing donkey spleen, with a cockney accent, whilst she was at it?

Two minutes. But that's enough time for him to get back to 400 years BC, throw some croutons into the primordial soup and stop himself from blowing his reproductive organs into twelve different bits. Perhaps that's why their sex wise activity was curtailed.

You've got to admit it, it's certainly a unique explanation of small penis syndrome, or SPS. And one that shall shortly try out myself...

Good bite.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about part 4 of City of Death: The Shards of Scaroth made it to number 27 in 1983 with their only hit, the slow rock ballad/skiffle fusion number "Green Skin Small Nob".

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