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Apr 21, 2006

Pussy n Gore

I'm sitting here, in the Farmer's Market in LA, with a very, very angry forehead. Lack of hair, and decent sun protection, has left me with a glowing red heid. There are huge flaps of skin simply falling from my face. And I've given a name to my pain. I've called it Cassandra. But even these lifeless flaps of skin have more reason, more motive and, well, just more about them than the flap than the returning flap in Doctor Who...

New Earth

Lever Sweet Jimmy Saville! Where the hell did this one go wrong? And it all started so very well. As someone said (probably Sean or Neil) it's going to be a vintage year for lever pulling and console fondling. Tennant is definitely getting into his stride as he swaggers around the TARDIS console pulling and tweaking all sorts of levers. We also get the barest of snatches of Jackie and Mickey (always good to have just a snatch of Jackie) before the TARDIS whisks them away from the Powell estate on a trajectory that takes them into horribly wrong territory...

Whilst it's definitely good that they're branching out a little in this series and at least getting to other planets you've got to ask yourself this, just how difficult was it to make the Gower Peninsula look like an alien world? Slap a little cgi around the place and bingo-bango. Not too sure why they shied away from this sort of thing in the first series. And then, to go and diss the creators of Futurama with another New New York was just plain suicidal. But that wasn't the worst of it. There's a utopian world built upon a dark secret. Surely these sorts of cliches only exist down at the levels of fan fiction? Utopian structures always have some sort of deep dark secret beneath them, just look at Noel's House Party? He had a phalanx of rats beneath Crinkly Bottom who's weak neuron electrical signals were being harvested to keep Tony Blackburn's career alive. Whatever next in this cliche ridden story, body swaps?

Gunge And also borrowing from Noel we have the gunge tank. It seems a little extreme that if you've managed to cure all diseases you still need to hose off hospital visitors like radiation decontamination. Still, we nearly got Doctor Who's first wet t-shirt shot. I can't wait till they visit an Ugly Coyote bar or land in the foyer of Hooters. I do think that the main reason that this story just doesn't function is down to the motives that are driving various people. The cats just don't seem to be evil enough or merciless enough to have built a vast array of tanks to store genetically created infected 'meat'. And their "claws", please. Hardly Wolverine are they? These little itty bitty prongs shoot out. Might give someone a nasty itch with those. And Cassandra, well. Bringing her back is a little bit like a short lived band who bring out a Greatest Hits album, despite only having 3 records chart, and have to pad out the remaining 80% of the record with b-sides and other dross. Her motives are equally opaque. She's after money, granted, but the thing about her wanting to find out what the cats are all about just doesn't hang together.

Zombies The zombies are, well, a little shit. And it's not the make up job, but the way they move around. Not so much Michael Jackson's Thriller, more like Glenda Jackson's Thriller. The "solution" to their condition is trite and smacks of "christ, 5 minutes left and we have to save everyone" style Star Trek ending. Very poor. Although the Doctor's jerry-rigging of a solution to save them made him look like MacGyver, which in itself isn't a bad thing.

Still, on the upside, Tennant and Piper were fantastic. The Face of Boe thing is obviously building into this season's loose arc. Did anyone else spot the morse code in the ward? Probably someone's heart beat but what did it say?

The Doctor Who Bumper Book of Made-up Facts has this to say about New Earth: so expensive was the Face of Boe to construct that the BBC has had to use it 3,546 times so far including presenting the National Lottery show, as one half of a dance pair on Strictly Dance Fever and as Natasha Kaplinski's love interest on the 6 o'Clock News.

Comments

I like the MacGyver comparison...very true.

And, I wonder, how could you have seen it? *looks innocent*

Red heid? Have you turned Scottish while you've been in LA?

Not exactly Wolverine! Brilliant!

Any sign of the Master yet?

You can always rely on the solace of crack whores don't forget.

Filer is staying in Neil's caravan until he hears from you about the Master - and his sideburns and flares are taking up a huge amount of space. Please call him.

To paraphrase Jossie's diets from 'The Fast Show' - The Master: 'This week I will be mostly looking like...Peter Pratt'

No karakoke, but some mournful wailing began at approximately 7.58pm.

But then some unkind people would say this is the same thing.

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