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Mar 18, 2006

Wish You Were There

The Three Doctors Episode 1 (so there!)

3doc1c_1Just like John and Damon, I too have succumbed to Avonian Flu (strain H-1, Star-1) and as a result this review is also a little late. Unfortunately, my Web of Fear review was hurriedly scrawled onto a tissue when I was lying in my sick bed, but I had to sacrifice it when my nose gave birth to a semi-sentient globule that will probably find employment as one of Omega's weeble-wobble-but-they-don't-fall-down snot-monsters.

Anyway, I've just got back from seeing a pretty ropey Pink Floyd tribute band at the Hartlepool Town Hall (don't laugh, I was using them as a 'control'; I'm working my way up to the Aussie Floyd in the Newcastle Metro Area next month, and the real Roger Waters in Tuscany in July). This lot were a bit like Roy Chubby Brown meets Rick Wakeman, and the lack of a dry ice machine was alleviated by the fact that all of the band members chain-smoked throughout the entire gig. Anyway, during a stirring (well, people were fidgeting) rendition of 'Wish You Were Here' I was immediately struck by the poignancy of the lyrics and how they relate to The Three Doctors. Forget the line about trading heroes for ghosts, just look at this!:

3doc1b_1How I wish, how I wish you were there.
You're just a lost soul sitting in a fish bowl, you poor arthritic dear,
Stumbling over the same old lines.
What have you found? You should be in care.
Wish you were there.

The Three Doctors, my arse! If you thought The Five Doctors was bad with only three Doctors in attendance (are you keeping up?) then the rot starts here with a blink and you'll miss it gathering of the three leads. The next time I would feel so short changed by a distinctive lack of previously advertised Doctors was at Panoptican't in 2003.

Again, I'm struck by the image of Syd Barret turning up at Abbey Road Studios during the 'Wish You Were Here' recording sessions and nobody from the Floyd having the faintest idea of what the hell do to with him. Sticking Hartnell in that intergalactic bath-chair was probably seen as an act of kindness but it's such a sad and undignified exit. Only a disembodied spinning head could have been worse.

3doc1a_1So, in an attempt to get over the loss of Syd, I mean Bill, let's turn out attention to the eternal bickering between Gilmour (Troughton) and Waters (Pertwee). It's great, isn't it? To quote that woman from The Armstrong's, Troughton shits on Pertwee's head from a great height. And the Abbey Road metaphors just keep on coming with Beatles references galore, and for a moment you believe that Troughton might launch into an early Genesis recorder solo.

But alas, it isn't to be. There's loads of gubbins about Black Holes and anti-matter and other technononsense to wade through instead.

TargetdocsIn a fever-induced nutshell, The Three Doctors was yet another crushing disappointment in that Five Faces Season back in 1981. I had been looking forward to this story like no other - that Target cover with the freaky guy in the tin hat giving all the Doctors an Indian Head Massage promised so much - and yet it delivered so very little. Except a template for plenty of anniversary back-slapping to come...

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, all together now: Shine on You Crazy Troughton!

The Bumper Book of Christ We've Got To Find A Publisher Soon Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Three Doctors Part 1
: The original villain for this story was going to be the evil and mysterious Time Lord called The Master. And then the production team remembered that they did that every other week.


OMG Just what I've ALWAYS wanted!

Someone punt the spammers plz =/ and don't feel your good post was ruined by that.

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