Tachyon TV

Tachyon TV Hub

Hi there - just a couple of (real) news items.

Firstly, you might like to check out the new Tachyon TV Hub where you'll find links to some of my other sites. And secondly, I'm finally off on my holidays tomorrow and normal service will resume in early September.

'Who' Mobile

The BBC announced today that classic episodes of Doctor Who will be made available to mobile phone users.

The Restoration Team have been working around the clock to make these episodes accessible to the text message generation and, having painstakingly expunged, digitally, all the vowels, are proud to announce that the first story to be released is the 4th Doctor classic GNSS F TH DLKS: the DLKS and their evil creator DVRS threaten to XTRMN8 the DCTR and SRH-JN.

Each download costs £17 per minute (£34 per minute peak rate) and the first 100 downloads also receive a free Crazy Frog remix of the Delaware theme tune.

Battlestar Galactica: the Musical

In a desperate attempt to inject a bit of fun back into Battlestar Galactica, the producer's have announced plans to film a musical episode.

Described by Ronald D Moore as "Blackpool meets the Black Hole", the episode will feature:

• Commander Adama growling his way through The Smith's 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now'
• Boomer serenading Helo with a cover version of Cylon Dion's 'I Will Always Love You' (backed by a choir of naked Boomers). This then segues into Lionel Ritche's 'Helo' (bring a tissue).
• Colonel Tigh beating his dead wife with a broken bottle while he mimes (badly) to 'Fairytale of New York'
• President Roslyn's acoustic 'Personal Jesus'
• Baltar singing the theme tune to Pipkins (for no readily apparent reason!)
• Starbuck and Apollo in an all-signing, all-dancing version of Kylie and Jason's 'Especially for You'

And then everybody dies...

SJS Goes to Iceland

Tachyon TV is sad to report that Elizabeth Sladen has pulled out of reprising the role of Sarah Jane Smith in the new series of Doctor Who.

Sladen's agent cited scheduling conflicts with a new and exciting season of Iceland adverts.

The role of Sarah Jane has been recast and she will now be played by Mary McDonnell (see left) who suddenly found a window in her diary when her Battlestar Galactica character was unceremoniously killed off last week.

Rygel XVI joins Stargate

Dominar Rygel XVI has joined the cast of Stargate, reuniting with fellow Farscape actors Ben Browder and Claudia Black in the process.

"I'm playing one of those anodyne human soldiers and the make-up is a bloody nightmare. I have to undergo six hours of prosthetics every morning and the motorised stilts are a killer."

His old ship, Moya, is currently in talks to appear as a regularly occurring corridor in Stargate: Atlantis.

Tachyon TV's Spoiler Guide to 'Lost'

Hooked on Lost? Can't wait to find out what happens next? Did you forget to watch the E4 documentary that spoilt it all? Well, fret not, as Tachyon TV has seen all 25 episodes and we can now present all the answers to many the questions posed in season one:

1) You get to know who owns the Mexican comicbook.

2) er... that's it.

Sockless in Suburbia

The latest issue of DWM contains a picture exclusive of the 10th Doctor. Editor Clayborn Von Hockmann reveals in his editorial column, "..DWM once again beats all the competition and brings you exclusive sockless shots of the new Doctor. Honest. Even in this digital age DWM can still hold its own. Nobody else has these shots. It's like being the Telegraph or something!

"As well as bringing you all the latest news a mere six weeks after the Internet gets it, we've also brought back two familiar elements from DWM's glorious past: the Matrix Data Bank and Sycophancy."

Advertisement: X-Factor

Design a Monster Result

A nine-year-old boy's winning design for a monster will feature in the next series of  Doctor Who.

William Grantham, from Colchester, Essex, came up with  Christoperecclestonecanfuckoff, a monster which disappoints fanboys around the world by only appearing in one season.

This year's competition broke records with fourteen entries - the biggest response to a Blue Peter Doctor Who competition since 1989 when viewers were invited to predict how long Sylvester McCoy would stay in the role and were rewarded with an evening out with John Nathan-Turner at a local Turkish baths.

Reported by Pat from Blackpool

Doctor Who News In Brief

• The editor of the Radio Times apologises profusely to Doctor Who fans after failing to include a 16 page spread on the 8th Doctor's first appearance on BBC7.
• The 9th Doctor action figure comes complete with branded Who nail file so you can shave a few inches off the ears and nose to magically turn it into a 10th Doctor action figure.
• The BBC has issued a plea to fans who are planning on turning up to location filming to refrain from creating a distraction whilst filming is in progress. Apparently they have been disturbed by a number of flashes, but hope that as the weather worsens it'll become too cold for members of the public to expose themselves in front of David Tennant.
• Anthony Stewart Head is reported to be thrilled to appear as The Watcher in the new series. Until he discovered it meant he'd be covered from head to toe in papier mache...