Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

Uncertainty Principle

In the introduction to one of my John Wyndham books, he notes that some chap called Crispin (Best Science Fiction Stories in 1955) has defined Science Fiction as:

'A science fiction story is one which presupposes a technology, or an effect of technology, or a disturbance in the natural order, such as humanity, up to the time of writing, has not in actual fact experienced'.

So according to this chap the vast majority of what is ostensibly Science Fiction television doesn't really qualify - they're mostly stories (usually westerns, occasionally horror and weird tales) from other genres played out with science fiction props.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, just thinking about what kind of drama we're watching. In searching for this quote Ive found* another one from John W. Campbell, Jr. I don't know who he is either, and he says that:

'The major distinction between fantasy and science fiction is, simply, that science fiction uses one, or a very, very few new postulates, and develops the rigidly consistent logical consequences of these limited postulates. Fantasy makes its rules as it goes along. The basic nature of fantasy is "The only rule is, make up a new rule any time you need one!" The basic rule of science fiction is "Set up a basic proposition--then develop its consistent, logical consequences.'

As far as I can recall, the vast majority of Doctor Who episodes fit into the latter and when handled badly, some of the weaker ones can come across as a bit Deus Ex Machina as a result.

The Moffat episodes on the other hand are (as well as being (i think) the strongest episodes emotionally) the only episodes which have solid science fiction foundations - playing on one of the cornerstones of science fiction that is 'Robots what obey the letter of their programming not the spirit with disastrous consequences for any nearby humans'**.

In The Empty Child, and the Doctor Dances these robots were alien nano medics who misunderstood the nature of the patient, in The Girl in the Fireplace, these beautifully designed clockwork robots. It's kind of a pity the aesthetics of the spacecraft didn't fit with that of their staff, but was instead pretty Red Dwarf / Alien Nostromo in feel. I can envisage huge towering engines of clockwork powered by human muscles and tendons, kind of based on a collage I did for my Art foundation course a decade ago.

Outside the Box...

And at this point I'm beginning to fall into the trap which all fans fall into from time to time: creating our own narratives and stories to make the series fit what we think it should be. There's something both fun and also quite a bit embarrassing about fan fiction (even if it only ever exists at the back of your own mind) designed to explain the gaps and logical inconsistencies of a TV series. At least it means that the series has inspired people to care about it's characters, so that must count for something?

Long running series, particularly Sci-Fi seem to inspire quite a lot of words about what is objective canon and what isn't (I don't really know much about how Who fandom operates, since this is the only Who site I visit, but I'm aware that Star Wars fans have a vast scale of shades of canon gray). With a series like Doctor Who we really don't need to bother: since the raw material of the series is Time Travel, an episode or idea can quite easily have both happened and not.

Which is where Moffat's second pure science fiction element of this episode appears: The Girl in the Fireplace takes us into a canon where the subjectivity of the viewer is as important as the events they observe. Schrödinger's famous thought experiment illustrating the difficulties of understanding quantum physics are perfectly expressed by this episode:

Depending on who's looking, The Doctor simultaneously gets his end away and doesn't.

Now that's real science fiction***

---

*I found them here: http://www.panix.com/~gokce/sf_defn.html

** The Doctor Who perennial 'Utopia with a Corrupt Heart' plot isn't necessarily a sci-fi story, but then again, you can find the 'Spirit rather than the Letter' plot in age old Genie and Horror stories (and on another note, I wrote this a few hours before Rise of the Cybermen)

*** or, as some prefer: 'Speculative fiction', indeed...

The Slow Path

That title up there really sums how I feel about this review. For various reasons I have been lagging behind just about everyone else contributing to this little blog we call home. Snatching five minutes here and there to read a bit, only to find that some other bright spark has got in first with that finely crafted euphemism for shagging or perfectly captured my thoughts on how the Tenth Doctor is rapidly turning into the Jason King of space and time.

But I persevere with my humble typing - and you know why? It's because it's damn good FUN ! And that's what The Girl In The Fireplace was too. Cheesy, romantic, touching and above all FUN to watch. It's the first episode of this season that I have thought: " I want to watch that again straight away". But more importantly, the first one that my wife (she who really dislikes old "weasel face" Tennant) has sat through and at the end turned to me and said "That was really good". High praise indeed.

For me, there was no doubt that the Doctor DID in fact fall in love and that he DID make the beast with two backs with the gorgeous Madame. Just think about how much time could have passed for him between being asked to 'dance" and turning up back on the spaceship apparently drunk. It could've been days or even weeks, due to the distortion effect between the two time periods. Plenty of time to develop a deep loving bond.

And no, the world didn't implode due to the collective gnashing and wailing of a few hardcore fans, nor did the Internet crack in half with outpourings of bile - this was accepted as part of the quality storytelling.

What is interesting is the way that this tenth Doctor is developing (or not) his relationship with Rose. Several times in the course of the episode he seems almost ready to abandon her in favour of his new love - a far cry from the Eccleston version, who needed Rose as an emotional anchor. He plays the shining white knight to save Reinette, with no expectation of a way back, leaving Rose to her fate. However, I'm not sure if this is part of the overall season arc, or just inconsistent characterisation. I'm hoping it's the former. (Oh, and I did get where the horse had come from, I just think it came across badly on screen).

Mickey and Rose played the roles of Fred and Daphne in the "Whooby Gang" pretty well, with Tin Dog Boy actually coming off better for once as the duo uncovered the mystery of the empty ship. The clockwork androids were beautifully realised and suitable creepy - like sinister clowns but with better dress sense. I'm just sorry that some of the bit part actors seemed to give unintentionally wooden performances.

The production design was uniformly excellent though, as the BBC is rightly renowned for, and the horse through the mirror effect only slightly fake-looking. It did look like everyone was having a ball making this episode, and I'm sure Mr Tennant made sure he had plenty of retakes in his snogging scenes with Sophia Myles. I know I would. The chemistry between them was electric.

I think I would have liked to have seen Mickey go through the portal to give Madame her five year warning, simply because we have seen the "Rose bonds with another woman" shtick played out too many times already. Plus it would have been humorous to see his bumbling attempts at coping with being in the 18th-Century.

Those last scenes with a heart-broken Doctor were among the best this series has ever produced. And as for those final closing moments...when like an exquisite piece of, well clockwork I guess, everything comes together and it all makes perfect sense. Fantastic.

We mere humans are stuck here on a linear route through our lives, and the time travelling lifestyle of the Doctor may seem like an exciting one. But maybe, sometimes, the slow path is the easier one.

Autism of Fire

The Girl in the Fireplace

Also known as Clockwork Casanova

Also known as The Quickest Love Affair Ever Told

Also known as If this TARDIS is a rockin' don't bother knockin'

Just when you think you know where you are and are fully expecting a little bit of bum fun and an alien insight into the joys of rimming, they go and do this. How dare they. How very dare they. Sticking out like a melon baller in the windows of Dixons. Filling our little family show with blatant heterosexual references. Steven Moffat should be ashamed. I mean, if being the son of Doctor Who director Peter Moffat wasn't shame inducing enough. If a gay agenda was good enough for our parents and grand parents (single sex couples all) then it should be good enough for us. Who knows what might happen next, probably some unfathomable manoeuvre involving a lift, a hotel lobby and the mezzanine level bar. Steamy, squelchy heterosexual references abound.

I feel like running out right now and writing a letter to the Daily Mail, or summat. Disgusting. Seeing the Doctor act in this way, it's terrible. And those bosoms. Those heaving bussoms. I've taken the liberty of pointing this out for those who've not see a heaving chest before. Well. I miss the Who of old. The one that was all about interior design, well dressed young men in tight white t-shirts and musical theatre.

This ship that's interfaced itself with Versailles is intriguing. They must have lost innumerable urchins that were sent up that fireplace to clean the chimney breast. Breasts again. Enough with the breasts. Bet the fireplace would have caught the eye of the Cash in the Attic team. By the way, programme schedulers, if you're listening, two ways to spice up Cash in the Attic, instead of getting the old and greedy to flog their worthless shit in the desperate hope of being able to afford a luxury 3 hours in Clacton why not:

a) Have desperate old people trying to sell enough of their crap to afford a life saving operation, which could then be followed up with
b) Have the grieving family of recently deceased parents dig through their folks possessions in order to sell to pay funeral costs, with lots of close ups of tear stained faces.

Both have 'hit' emblazoned all over them in crayon. And back in the ship, the Doctor has happened upon a horse. Never mind the smell of a roast dinner, I'm surprised the place isn't knee deep in horse shit. Well, enough manure to, say, cover a Porsche in London. And why didn't the Clockwork Men seize upon the horse for spare parts? They could have used its tackle as a length of hose for a fuel conduit. Unless that's what Mickey's afraid of when they've got him and Rose on the slabs. Still, it's a possible business opportunity for Kwik Fit, should the wish to offer punters a service to graft parts of the car's owner into their vehicle. Then men with big, flash, cars could use them as a penis substitute.

But at last we get back on some sort of shaky track with a Star Trek mind meld between Madame Du Poppadom and the Doctor. And yet another, "Doctor who?". Oh dearie me. But then we get the twin Moffat Motifs of dancing and bananas. What is it with the yellow fruit that intrigues him so? No one else seems to care about that, so the Doctor goes off...

For a good...

hard...

shag.

Back of the Net. Of course, what should then have happened is the Doctor should have pitched up at a BP service station and, whilst chewing on a piping hot Ginsters from the microwave, have bragged about his conquests to the hapless night attendant. But instead he goes back off looking for dumb and dumber, staked out on slabs, ready for some butcherin' action. There's a little bit of an anti Microsoft undercurrent going on ("The windows aren't closing.") and again, there's some Morse code type message coming in over the oldie worldie telegraph machine. Does any of this mean anything? Or is it mainly the back beat to The Village People's "Sex over the Phone"?

There were parts of this that felt like it was a two parter squished into half its recommended size, and then other bits that were allowed a little more time to breath and grow. The ending was phenomenally different for Doctor Who, which is always a good thing. The show should continually challenge people's expectations (which reminds me, next time I watch some new-style BSG I need a large post-it note on the TV saying "This is not Star Trek!"). The only problem is, I think I've seen where this is going.

After two girl friendly episodes in a row I can see that the big screen version of Who will be resurrected with Richard Curtis at the helm. "Four Regenerations and a Disintegration" anyone? Tho that does mean that Hugh Grant will have to play the Doctor. Again.

Sod that.

The Bumper Book of Made-up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Girl in the Fireplace: Many fans remarked, after seeing this sex-fuelled episode, that they rolled over and spent the rest of the night sleeping in the damp patch.

Is There a Doctor on the Horse?

Well, that was certainly one of the most bizarre, and probably one of the better, episodes of Doctor Who that I have ever seen, in a good way, though.

After my first viewing of The Girl in the Fireplace I wasn’t really that sure what to make of it all. There were plenty of good parts: the episode was visually stunning; the direction was excellent, the costume design was superb; the set design was great; Sofia Myles. Then there was the sub plot of the Doctor being in love.

Now I have no problem with the idea of the Doctor having romantic feelings for somebody else, it’s just that that is not the sort of thing that you expect from the character. Yes, they had had stories about the companions falling in love before, but the Doctor, never.

I was pretty sure that this would split fandom down the middle with this story but quite the opposite appears to have happened. Hardly anyone seemed even the slightest bit bothered by the fact the Doctor was kissing someone, despite the majority of the same people being completely aghast when the Eighth Doctor did exactly the same thing. That was something that I just can’t fathom.

I mean in this case, the Doctor was actually kissing her back and also copping a feel (although if you were snogging Sofia Myles, you would want to cop a feel, wouldn’t you. I mean it would be rude not to!). I am pretty sure that he wouldn’t put his arms on her waist if it were just her doing the kissing, if you know what I mean. The kiss itself was quite charged and a million miles away from the kiss between the 8th Doctor and Grace.

Here you actually felt he wanted to shag her (rather than caught up in the moment as 8th Doctor was), and probably would if she didn’t have to leave straight way. Indeed, later on there was a strong implication that they had actually danced (in the Steven Moffatt sense of the word), and not even that seems to bother the fans. I half expected tirades of posts saying “what have you done with my how” or “the Doctor isn’t interested in women in that way” but that seems to have passed quite a few fans by.

Apart from that particular scene, the love affair between the Doctor and Reinette was beautifully handled (pardon the pun) and the final scenes when the Doctor was reading the letter after discovering she had died were also well handled and from Tennant’s performance you could genuinely tell that he was devastated. It is plainly obvious that Reinette loved the Doctor during the episode and, at that point, it is obvious that the Doctor did too.

The story didn’t quite have the emotional impact of Father’s Day, but was quite affecting and the ending was quite sad. It was also nice of Mickey to take Rose away from the Doctor at the end. He could tell how the Doctor was feeling even if Rose couldn’t.

On the subject of Mickey I thought he was pretty good in this story. His reactions to being on a spaceship, and how realistic the starscape through the windows was, were priceless. His commando roll when he was patrolling the corridors of the spaceship was also funny; you can tell that he has been playing one to many video games.

You could tell that Rose was getting a bit jealous of the Doctor’s feelings for Madame de Pompadour (as she was in the previous episode) especially when he spent parts of the story openly gawping at her and when he went back to fetch her after being reunited with Rose and Mickey. Just watch her face when she realises what it is he is going back for. She said she didn’t feel threatened by Sarah, but I bet you, she felt threatened by Reinette.

It was also strange how the seemingly icy atmosphere between Mickey and Rose at the end of School Reunion had seemingly disappeared and she was perfectly fine with him being there. It is quite obviously set right after School Reunion as Mickey says that was his first trip in the TARDIS. Perhaps she just got over it. She seems perfectly happy to have him along in this episode.

One of things I did not like in this story was Tennant’s acting in the scene when he was pretending to be drunk. Now I know this was all a ruse to diffuse the situation but it was just silly and was quite embarrassing, even if there was a reason for it.

Also the spectacular scene when the Doctor on a horse broke through the window into the ballroom or “the thing on top of another thing jumping through another thing” that they mentioned in the production notes in DWM a while back. It was quite a spectacular scene but when I watched that I just didn’t think of Doctor Who, I thought of Casanova.

In fact for the most part Tennant was channelling Casanova in his performance as the Doctor here. Last week he was playing the part of a fanboy and this week he is playing Casanova. It was quite funny when he said, “I’m the Doctor and I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!” but that wasn’t the sort of thing you would expect the Doctor to say but was the kind of thing you might hear Tennant as Casanova say.

They were probably the only things I didn’t like about the episode,and they are just minor nitpicks, really. It looked stunning and once again, in the costume design, the BBC proved that they just know how to do costume drama and how to do it well.

The set design for the scenes in Paris and then in Versailles was lovely and, as the Doctor said, the design of the clockwork droids was beautiful. There is something simple and elegant about clockwork isn’t there?

When they had the regency wigs on and the clown like masks they did look quite scary and I would imagine if I was seven years old that I would probably be quite scared of them. They reminded my girlfriend of clowns and she finds clowns quite scary.

Only in Doctor Who would you find a horse wandering around a spaceship, although how the horse got onto the spaceship is quite baffling, I am sure the Doctor had to open the doors, so how on Earth did the horse manage to get through the doors, unless one of the droids bought it in? And, if so, how come any one else didn't find their way onto the ship?

It doesn’t really matter, however, as it sets up the dramatic climax of the story and it was quite funny when the Doctor just walked back into the spaceship, berating Rose and Mickey for going off on their own and then walking in and seeing a horse standing there. Like I said, only in Doctor Who.

Sofia Myles as Madame de Pompadour was superb in this episode and I suppose if the Doctor was going to fall in love with anybody then a woman like her would probably be his type. She even took walking from her rooms into a spaceship in her stride. She would probably have made quite a good companion and boy would she make Rose jealous. She looked stunning in her aristocratic costumes and you can see why the Doctor would take a fancy to her (if he normally did that sort of thing).

Another triumph for this story is the fact that it is supremely plotted and that it all makes sense by the end. If there is one thing that you can rely on Steven Moffatt for is that he knows how to plot. All of the disparate elements of the plot come together, by the end, and it is seamless.

As soon as the ship was revealed as the SS Madame de Pompadour, the whole thing about why a ship from the 51^st century was stalking a woman from the eighteenth century makes perfect sense.

Like Tooth and Claw this episode was perfect for the single episode format and was a satisfying story that simply didn’t need to be any longer.

Bizarre, it certainly was. Brilliant, possibly, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Works like clockwork

It was never going to be easy for Steven Moffat to follow his masterpiece – and highlight from season 1/27 – but he pulled it off, crafting a very different story with the same flair and lightness. Though it’s far less epic than TEC/TDD – no planets are under threat here – it has even more charm and beauty

At the heart of it I only have one reason to watch DW – it isn’t the monsters, or the sci-fi particularly, (in Rose speak: the aliens and spaceships and fings) but simply the titular character. Companions come and go and bad episodes reach production but he’s a constant, and what makes a good DW writer is one who can write the Doctor. Mr Moffat has that skill in spades and it shows in his scripts.

In stark comparison with a cleverer, more engaging woman Rose comes across as arrogant, thick and smug.

This season, now that Who has been established and awarded liberally, is being braver. No longer do we have to see the world through Rose’s eyes. Consequently, the character has become rather annoying but the pay-off comes in episodes like this. It couldn’t have been achieved without DT – while Chris is a fine actor and had some excellent moments, out new Doctor is fully capable of carrying a plot alone, even if the companion/Doctor relationship suffers, which it certainly does.

In stark comparison with a cleverer, more engaging woman Rose comes across as arrogant, thick and smug. This doesn’t reflect on Billie Piper as an actress – since she made her debut she’s been little short of brilliant, and continues to be so – but Rose is too comfortable and takes her position for granted.

Unless a major change occurs – knocking that self-assuredness out of her – I couldn’t see Rose lasting another season. Events seem to building up to it: how much will she forgive? Having a past, OK, but abandoning her to die – with Mickey for crying out loud - for a woman he’s only just met? Either she’ll leave him for some bloke she’s only just met, (when his reluctance to dance becomes too frustrating) or she’ll just die in a very soppy moment.

The production team, as usual, created a wonderful world for the story: the sets were sumptuous, the space-age clockwork was gorgeous and every member of the fairly small cast acted their socks off. Murray Gold finally gets it and produces a lovely score, even coming up trumps with a Mickey’s Theme following the disappointing absence of a K9’s Theme last week. Every moment was a joy to watch, helped in no small part by Eros Lyn’s epic, swooping direction. The image of the Doctor standing completely alone at the end is poignantly beautiful and speaks mountains about this most elusive of characters.

As well as being unashamedly weepy for the second week running this is the second episode to fir the season. Both 3 and 4 follow on very naturally, but where does happy-go-lucky T&C go? If this arc is Rose’s disillusionment with her lifestyle, why have her enjoying herself that much? Anyway, the suggestion of a story arc for the Doctor is much more interesting – will Lungbarrow be made at last?

But yet again Moffat has excelled himself. The plot insults no one’s intelligence, tying every thread into a stylish bow and adding incredible depth. So much is done without words, making what is said glow all the more. The dialogue crackles and every word is well-considered, aside from Rose’s claim that what they’re looking at is a human heart. Where did she learn to recognize human hearts from any other type? But that’s one of the best parts – the awful realization that Mickey was so enthusiastic about a human barbecue is one of those darkly funny, macabre moments which send the shivers going. Another of those is provided for by the simply stunning conclusion. It’s a case of biggest plot-hole ever being turned into a totally reasonable, realistic explanation with minimum fuss and only the simplest of displays. After a couple of seconds of dumb bemusement, I jumped up and cheered because it all made sense.

It would be very surprising indeed if this didn’t turn out to be the best episode this year. Each week the quality has been increasing massively and no programme can maintain that sort of growth. It’s these sorts of moments which make it all worthwhile.

The Tachyon TV Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Facts has this to say about The Girl in the Fireplace: in a subtle nod to the Classic series, the sunglasses David Tennant sports in the infamous "McCoy" scene are the same one as Josiah wears in Ghost Light.

Beautiful

That was the one word - the one perfect word - the only word that kept banging on the insides of my mind, silently sceaming to be let out when I contemplated reviewing The Girl In The Fireplace.

It was the sort of forty-five minutes where television thanks you for being a loyal friend by telling you everything you want to hear; by rewarding your patience and perserverence through the harder times and darker days; by being, well...beautiful!

Steven Moffat's blitz two-parter from last year was one of the highlights of Chris Eccleston's tenureship of the TARDIS - The Empty Child was quite the eeriest singular episode, but whilst The Doctor Dances provided a somewhat flimsy finale, this feast of Steven's just got better and better as it went on.

The clever use of Doctor Who's boundless time-travelling limitations via a magnificent marriage of the far-future and the not inconsiderable past provided the tastiest of teasers as early as the credits to last week's School Reunion; there's something both very chilling and also strangely comforting in the idea that aliens were around before the Quatermass years, let alone as far back as the 1720s and so gladdening of the heart to know that the entire universe didn't revolve - or even evolve - around the Industrial Revolution.

A visually stunning episode, the extreme contrast between the sheer chic, glamour and decadence of eighteenth century Parisienne hoi poloi and perhaps the creepiest, most claustrophobic space ship since Arc In Space was pure chalk and cheese.  The idea of  time-bending by Madame De Pompadour's persuers was preposterous but worked perfectly - never mind the science, feel the fiction.

Killer clowns have always had a psychological effect on me.  Supposedly funny, these evil entertainers are forever pigeon-holed with those other classic fiendish themes from Saturday Night At The Movies such as roller-coaster disasters, soldier ants, killer bees and quicksand.  These films were on a couple or so programmes after mid-seventies Doctor Who, sandwiched by Jim'll Fix It and The Generation Game - schedules which actually had half the nation glued to thier sets.

After Anthony 'Stewart' Head's cameo last week, another Little Britain star gate-crashed Doctor Who this week - step forward Andy's carer Lou's wig which adorned the clockwork clown's crown (whatever the Bumper Book Of Made-Up Facts says this week).  The toupeed terror actually resembled little-remembered 1980s (I'm sure) Welsh (I think) comedian (I doubt) Aidan J Harvey - scary!

David Tennant, in his most stretching role to date, excelled, putting even further distance between himself and Eccleston in the Doctor Who stakes.  However, I started to both wonder and worry in equal measure whether he had re-regenerated into the one-season-wonder during that 'drunken' scene.  Thankfully, the overall quality on view - didn't Sophia Myles shine as Madame De Pompadour - anaesthetised Tennant's sole abberation and even that was forgiveable when placed into context.

Mickey should ideally be not seen and not heard, but having been left abandoned at Moffat's doorstep, even he was handled correctly with the main focus of the story granting him a peripheral role alongside Rose.

Aaah...Rose!  I'm no fan of hers, but credit William Piper for her best acting to date methinks.  Her expression on the Doctor acceping Mickey's self-invitation aboard the TARDIS last week was superb; the jealousy in her eyes when realising the Doctor had - she thought - been banished forever to the court of Versailles was even better.  Having found her acting niche, here's hoping the writers continue to torment Miss Tyler.

And so to end at the ending.  And what a heart-rending ending where either or both of the Doctor's hearts could seldom have felt more human.  Damn it, I'm sure I felt him wonder whether being a Galifreyan was all it's made out to be.  And just when one felt that was it, Moffat produced one final encore - that ultimate-highlight-of-the-series-so-far moment when it all made complete sense - the name of the space ship.

Beautiful!

A Little Horse.

It's been very difficult for me to sit down and review The Girl In The Fireplace.  Not because I didn't like it.  I did.  I loved it.  I just think I loved it so much that I've lost perspective.  On my own blog I'm often left in the position of having to write about something that I've loved utterly and been defeated.  Usually I just post a picture of the dvd, the book cover or the cd and let that be the single recommendation, and feedback says that some people like that approach because they know that even if whatever I'm presenting isn't flawless, it's made me feel, so they'll feel too.  Really all I wanted to do here is present a photo of the clockwork men, but since you all have seen it, that would be silly.

So I'll just admit defeat, cop out and concur with what everyone else has said, especially Neil and Paul.

This was television programme as statement.  Not in the Cathy Come Home sense of illuminating some social problem, but in terms of demonstrating what's possible if enough people love an artistic endevour enough that they simply want to produce and create something built on love and joy.  Watching Doctor Who Confidential afterwards, every single crew member from Russell T Davies downwards had a sparkle in their eye and a glow which said that they're all doing something which they never thought they would ever get the chance to do, and we should be very grateful that they're being given the opportunity to do it.

Influences

What happens when the Compte de Saint Germain meets Madame Pompadour meets Sapphire and Steel? "The Girl in the Fireplace" happens. And it was good. Much like a banana. Bananas are good.

Who was the Compte de Saint Germain? He was a wander, an adventurer, a methuselah. He claimed to have lived 2000 years, the "man who did not die", the "Wundermann. The Encyclopedia Britannica says he knew "nearly all the European languages...His knowledge of history was comprehensive..." He was said to have helped put Catherine the Great on the throne of Russia. He was said to have founded Freemasonry. (Doubtful.) And he was a popular figure at the court of Versailles in the 1750's, last seen in Paris in 1789. Doug Skinner writes:

[T]here’s something uniquely engaging about the Count of St-Germain, who stepped from nowhere with no past and no name to dazzle the French court. He pops up from time to time across Europe, only to vanish, leaving extravagant rumours in his wake: he was immortal; owned the elixir of life; was a Rosicrucian; a spy; an incognito king.

Madame de Pompadour? She was the patron of Voltaire and other luminaries. She encouraged the development of the Rococo movement. She was the close friend, confidante and for a period of time, the mistress of Louis XV until her premature death at the age of 46. A living example of upward mobility, she moved from the bourgeois to the aristocratic to the near-royal. In short, she was a woman of power and influence.

Some say Saint Germain had an affair with Madame. Others, disagree. A 1745 letter from Horace Walpole to Horace Mann states "[Comte St Germain] never had any dealings, or desire to have any dealings with any woman--nay, nor with any succedaneum." Etienne de Lamothe-Langon wrote an entire novel about the love affair between Saint Germain and Madame de Pompadour.

History says little about the bananas.

Firestarter

There was a time when I would come away from a good episode of Doctor Who feeling thrilled, excited and a little bit terrified. These days I'm much more likely to be left bawling into some (man-sized) tissues or, depending on who's in the room with me at the time, pretending that I've got something in my eye.

And I thought School Reunion was going to be this year's obligatory tearjerker! Ha! That's a light and frothy comedy compared to the heart-wrenching conclusion to TGI Fireplace! If they keep this up then the show will almost certainly be picked up by UK Living, if and when the axe falls.

First things first: if you flew into an incandescent rage when the 8th Doctor played tonsil tennis with Grace Holloway ten years ago ("Heterosexual agenda. Again!") then you probably had a coronary last night. The Doctor danced. Like catching your parents at it, albeit in a santised pre-watershed way (i.e. off-screen and laced with innuendo), the Doctor finally got his leg over after decades, if not centuries, of celibacy. Actually, Hollyoaks goes out 30 minutes before Doctor Who, and if the same production team made this then we'd almost certainly have seen the Doctor in his question-mark boxers and a tasteful shot of a topless Rienette - from the back. Bananas would have featured prominently. Not that I watch it or anything...

Anyway, forget about any back-peddling from Moffat in a podcast commentary (he's probably just worried about a Whovian fatwa), the Doctor did the dirty deed!

Do I care? Funnily enough, I thought I would. I've always been a card-carrying member of the old-school sector of fandom that believes that the Doctor should be above all that squishing around nonsense. This isn't because I've never danced myself, or because I feel that the Doctor should reflect his quintessential Britishness by repressing his more intimate emotions. No, it's simply because it turns the Doctor into yet another cliched sci-fi hero who saves the day whilst simultaneously bedding the damsel in distress. In short: just another Kirk.

The fact that the Doctor never really responded to any sexual urges ("You are a very beautiful woman. Probably.") was incredibly refreshing to me as a child, especially when Buck Rogers was trying to get into Wilma Deering's pants on a weekly basis. In short, I  didn't want my show to turn into something that featured "girly kissing". Trust me, when you are eight years old the last thing you want to see on the telly is Tom Baker (or worse, Colin) snogging the alien princess of the month. I wonder if any 8 year old olds felt the same way about David last night?

Because last night the Doctor a) fell head over heels in love with a woman and b) he shagged her. I should have been peeling myself off the ceiling but I was far too busy being moved and captivated by the (shudder) lurve story.

So, how did Steven Moffat get away with it?

Well, Madame de Pompadour is someone special. A genuine one-off. She's the Doctor's perfect match in each and every way: fiercely intelligent, independent, multi-talented, passionate, regal, brave and curious. It just fits. She's quite attractive too. Probably. The unchronological aspect to their whirlwind romance was strangely appropriate, too. But most of all, it's incredibly subtle.

Whether this will ignite the fire in the Doctor's trousers, and he'll pursue a more carnal relationship with Rose as a result of this 'fling', remains to be seen, but I did enjoy the  insinuation that the Doctor represses his sexuality/emotions because of the "secret" glimpsed by Rienette. Is his loneliness self-imposed, I wonder? Does it tie into the reasons why he left Gallifrey and/or blew it up? We've had four oblique references to the destruction of his home planet on the trot now (no Torchwood plug I'm afraid, although there is a wide shot with plenty of burning torches - does that count?) and it must be leading somewhere (or is Russell just making it up on the spot again?).

...the plot is utterly bonkers. Magic doors. Clockwork robots. White horses on spaceships. 18th Century France. How could it possibly all work?

I was was also happy to see some of the themes from last week's episode surfacing again here. Admitting to Rose that he couldn't bear the thought of watching a companion age and decay in front of his eyes is given extra weight when - just for a moment - I honestly believed that the Doctor would spend years stuck in pre-revolutionary France. In fact, I initially thought the convenient deux ex fireplacea was a cop-out solution that would rob us of the impact of watching the Doctor facing this nightmare head-on at his lover's deathbed, but what we got instead was much more satisfying. The fact that their love remains unrequited and the Doctor's promise to her is left unfulfilled is truly devastating. "I'm always OK" - what a heartbreakingly tragic moment.

Steven Moffat is a genius. More than that, he's a genius who is perfectly suited to writing for Doctor Who (you have to love his gratuitous continuity references!). OK, so he occasionally slides into pure farce (let's have a moratorium on the 'Doctor Who' joke please), and sometimes if it feels like we've entered a sitcom where every other line is a clever punchline (even the robots get in on the act with the brilliant "We don't need your feet" comeback) but when it comes to the plot, and understanding what makes our show so goddamn special, Mr. Moffat shines.

At first glance the plot appears to be utterly bonkers. Magic doors. Clockwork robots. White horses on spaceships. 18th Century France. How could it possibly work? However, even though the plot is certainly complex it's never complicated. Better still, it actually makes sense under closer scrutiny! In fact, it screams out for further viewings (if your tear ducts can stand it) and what should have remained baffling (erratic time corridors are notoriously difficult to keep track of) actually makes perfect sense by the end. Well, as far as these things can make perfect sense.

And just when you think you're going to be left with a plot hole so big it took all the warp engines to create it, there's that wonderful final shot that ties up everything in a nice, neat bow. Brilliant!

One criticism that I've seen levelled at this episode is the fact that Mickey and Rose are sidelined. Well, that's nonsense: they discover the organic repair work, Rose tries to prepare Rienette for the inevitable (which also reveals the gulf that exists between the pair's intellects and provides further evidence that Rose isn't "the one") and Mickey shows once again that not everyone is built to handle the Doctor's lifestyle; they even get to fulfill the traditional companion role of asking pertinent questions like "What the hell is going on?" And boy, does this episode need it!

Mickey's reactions to the situation are perfectly natural: awe, sprinkled liberally with mild panic and fear - a lovely counterpoint to Rose and Capt Jack's smug cockiness. Noel really went up in my estimations when he admitted in a recent DWM interview that his performance in both Rose and AoL/WIII was, shall we say, a little misjudged, and while he sailed perilously close to repeating the same mistakes (what was the deal with that roll?) he's rapidly becoming one of my favourite characters. And was anyone here struck by the similarity between Mickey's reaction to being tied up on an alien spaceship and Arthur Dent meeting the Vogons? Intentional?

Something that isn't picked up from last week is Rose's simmering resentment now that Mickey has decided to tag along with them like a sick, tin puppy dog. In fact, she seems to enjoy hanging out with her ex, especially when it gives her a chance to brag and show off to him. Then there's Rose's underplayed reaction to the fact that the Doctor is falling in love with someone else, right under her nose! Is Rose just pretending that it's not really happening (like many old-school DW fans who might be desperately interpreting Tennant's marvellous underplaying as evidence that he didn't really care that much?). I think she knows. I think it's becoming more and more obvious to her that a) she's not that special and b) nothing lasts forever.

Sophia Miles gives a stunning performance which is rendered even more impressive when you remember that's she's consistently playing slightly different versions of herself; the gaps in time are far too small for the make-up dept to be any use, and so it's all down to the subtlety of her acting to pull it off. Tennant is incredible too - is there an emotion that he doesn't manage to pull off in these 45 minutes? Quite incredible. Even the faux drunkenness (very McCoy) worked in context.

Then there's Euro Lynn's epic, swooping camera work, the fantastic (and strangely sad) design of the Clockwork robots and their key-shaped ship, the stunning set design, the exquisite costumes and the evocative lighting. Pure gold.

And speaking of which, another unlikely hero features in this episode: Murray Gold. Anyone who's been following my reviews on this blog will know that I've never been a fan of Mr Gold; he's either too loud, too one-note or too twee for my taste. Tonight he finally nailed it. His clockwork inspired 'music box' motif was achingly beautiful and the final five minutes, which are carried almost entirely by the music, doesn't just tug on the heartstrings, it swings on them. Note to BBC: please include an isolated score option on the next DVD boxset.

The Girl in the Fireplace has it all: comedy, romance, surrealism, mystery, action, scares, tears, a smattering of historical education, and killer robots. And only Doctor Who could have got away with half of that.

9.5 out of 10. This'll be a hard one to beat...

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about 'The Girl in the Fireplace': Nicholas Briggs castrated himself in order to provide the voices of the clockwork robots.

Prophecy 4: A New Adams

I loved it.

Now, 5 years since the glorious Douglas Adams passed on, we have (dare I say it) a replacement. Steven Moffat has now proven that he is capable of providing a par to DNA, in his intelligent scripts, fantastic twists, and bizarre yet perfectly reasonable logic. Steven Moffat once again makes the story develop around a machine inaccuracy, but whereas last year's was a mystery, in this one we discover it straight away, and the story is developed from there.
2005: Repair Nanogenes do what they were programmed to do, but misread the information,
2006: Repair droids do what they were programmed to do, without the proper protocols.
Now there's the wonderful DNA logic.

The script is pretty fantastic. There's another "You are beautiful!" line, as in Tooth and Claw, which shows this Doctor's artistic nature. And the writer, keen to relive his former triumph, imbues a dancing lesson for the Doctor, and even manages to slip in a "Bananas are good.". It's even set (partly) in the 51st century, which was not unmentioned in his double last year. A mention of Sarah Jane Smith tops the lot, and so Mr Moffat's nervousness becomes rather more obvious as he tries to make the episode fit into the series as a whole.

He didn't need all those nods to other episodes, as his writing is consistently genius. As with last year, he explains everything as he goes along, except one fact. Last year it was an important one, and it kept us on our toes. This year it was an unimportant one, and it was ludicrously unneccessary, and so when the final shot comes there is a distinct sense of full circle, that everything is cleared up.

Euros Lyn provides a second helping of terrific direction, with some wonderful scenes and camera moves. His direction really is up there with the best. I get the feeling that he was experimenting a little in this episode, with all those swooping camera shots, and I must confess to feeling a little nauseous from the 37th swoop. The only other negative comment to the directing is the fourth POV shot of the year, and we're only at episode 4. And, what with the Cybermen next week, we can probably expect another then. Still, this time it was meant to be comic, so it's more forgivable.

Murray Gold's incidental music is all over the place again. Billie Piper is still irritating. The horse wasn't very well explained. That's my berating over and done with, honest.

So, the prophecy? Well, I must admit it's pretty off, because I was under the impression that it was another horror, from all of the reviews and interviews which only seemed to mention the fact that there were clockwork men, and that "Tick Tock" would be the new "Are you my mummy?", which as it happens, is wrong. But the main point is still valid. From:
"4. Scary as hell! A bloody good episode!"
to
"4. Sheer genius, beautifully presented. A bloody good episode!"

8/10. Well, 8.5/10.