Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

The best and bravest of all foes

Worst kind of under graduate humour...parasites...nasty filth...if they don’t like the show, then they can just fuck off...

The Curse of Fatal Death

I’ve had to postpone my contribution to Stripped Down 5 partly due to work but also because, over the past month or so, I’ve begun watching Battlestar Galactica (I’ve just finished Season 2) and wow. It took half of the other bloggers and Charlie Brooker to persuade me but now I’m hooked. Anyhow, onto the matter at hand (at least it was, 2 weeks ago).

I can’t remember watching this on transmission, but Youtube to the rescue! Actually, if you don’t mind them being cut into 10 minute chunks, it’s a great resource for old Who episodes not yet out on DVD. I’ve even found Timelash.

"It could have looked like a bunch of post-modern twonks jeering at an extinct TV show"

Unlike so much of “Comic” Relief, it’s really funny. Steven Moffat knows his audience down to a tee; I picked up on dozens of references and in-jokes, probably only getting a third of them but the obvious satire is where this skit is truly successful. It could have looked like a bunch of post-modern twonks jeering at an extinct TV show but instead you get a sense that the jibes, while searing, are affectionate; that while the writer knows how much dodgy plotting was covered by technobabble, he loves it nonetheless. Some of the jokes are a little crude (*sigh* fart gags) but at least they aren’t spread over an entire 90 minutes.

"Richard E. Grant gives a convincing impression of someone who could carry the character for an entire story"

On the whole, the cast is wonderful (Atkinson in particular) but I do wish they could have got someone other than Jim Broadbent, or at least given him something interesting to say. Richard E. Grant gives a convincing impression of someone who could carry the character for an entire story (ha!) and Hugh Grant is just his lovely self. Joanna Lumley is suitably bizarre to pull her part off and I found the ending rather satisfying. There’s always been something going on between those two and where better to clear the air than a Red Nose Day sketch? Let’s just hope RTD doesn’t have plans of his own like this...

Four Regenerations and a Wedding

The Curse of Fatal Death

I knew almost instinctively, as the thought of including this story began to grow in my mind, that I'd certainly be making something of a serious error. A serious error of certain seriousness. All the signs are there. A comedy time rotor, plunging away with all the vigour of an over excitable teenager during his first sexual encounter. An incarnation of the Master so camp he could rent out pitches to boy scouts for the purpose of holding a jamboree. And a Doctor oozing the sort of calm reassurance that only a degree in electrical and electronic engineering from Newcastle University can provide one with.

"Both contain a large serving of Andrew Beech."

The TARDIS one-upmanship might grate a little but The Curse of Fatal Death is, at the very least, several million times better than 30 anniversary cock show charity skit Dimensions in Time. Impressive, given that both contain a large serving of Andrew Beech, although the fact that he's hidden in this (presumably encased with in a Dalek sarcophagus which he resides in to this date) is a bonus. And whilst we're on with the credits, it appears that the production involved a company called The Mill. They must have upgraded their post production facilities since 1999, and the visual power that only 17 G3 Bondi iMacs, daisy-chained into a parallel superish computer could muster. The backdrops, particularly on arrival at the planet Tersurus, look amazingly like something you'd find in an episode of late 80's/early 90's spotty ITV child-fest, Knightmare.

"I use the word hard there to loosely imply a tenting motion in a gentleman's nether pants."

As for what remains of the story, well, there's a group of charity shop Daleks (all odds and ends that have been scraped together from various fan conventions), more sexual innuendo then you'd find in any one of my blog posts (a very hard act to follow, if you ask me [and I use the word hard there to loosely imply a tenting motion in a gentleman's nether pants]), more fart gags than in a Jacuzzi full of skin-suited Slitheen and a companion who, every time I hear her speak, reminds me of Charley Pollard.

But, damn it, it's for charity. So that's all right then.

We now return you to your scheduled Stripped Down 5 programmes...

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Curse of Fatal Death: the generations of children who grew up with their only frame of Doctor Who reference being charity skits believed that throughout its long and hidden past it had always carried on-screen phone numbers, with early black and white episode having an on-screen telephone operator sitting there to manually redirect incoming calls.

Certain Doob

The Curse Of Fatal Death

My, didn't we just eat this up back in 1999 when we were grateful for whatever scraps the BBC would throw under the table. Has it dated, was it not particularly funny in the first place, or are we just a bunch of ungrateful gits? Scream Of The Shalka might have something to say about that...

I fookin'ate Comic Relief, me. Richard Curtis and Lenny Henry started the ball rolling with the very best of altruistic motives, but every year of late it feels more and more like some twisted television equivalent of 1984, played through a selection of cue-cards labelled APPLAUSE and LAUGH NOW. It should have been retired or superceded ages ago before it sank to the current level of self-gratifying puff-piece with the charity seemingly slapped on top like an afterthought, in EXACTLY the same manner as the National Lottery. It couldn't be any more oppressive if it was run by the Daleks - this crack troupe of deadeningly smug celebs are putting in all this effort, so you'd damn well better laugh and give some money because it's all for charidee and it's the done thing to do. GIVE! GIVE-NOW! LAUGH-OR-YOU-WILL-BE-OSTRACISED! Miserable c**t.

Except they barely seem to put any effort into it at all these days, do they?

On one lowbrow level, the train of thought behind Curse Of The Fatal Death represents everything that's horrible about Comic Relief. It's the cheap, lazy standby of sending up a popular programme and making it 'funny' only by way of the big names roped in to do the job, which for ages now has been Comic Relief's main centrepiece - Big Brother, Harry Potter, The Apprentice this year, ho-bloody-hum. That's certainly true of the last quarter of Fatal Death that completely dies on its arse with its multiple regenerations. Doctor Who is also envied throughout the television world for its go-anywhere flexible format, so why then does it appear so difficult for anyone, bar Nev Fountain and Mark Gatiss, to put together a classic series spoof without resorting to the same tired old joke that everyone agrees with anyway about quarries, corridors, wobbly sets and garish costumes? It is a very slick version of the old joke, but it's an eye-opener how the new series, in two seasons and a year's worth of spinoff, is attracting a much more sophisticated level of pisstake than the old one usually got. "Why aren't we having an adventure?" "'Cos this is one of the emotive episodes in the middle of the season with somebody's gran dying because they've run out of money." "You mean like the psychic girl with the crayons in series two? She was RUBBISH." "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Has it dated, was it not particularly funny in the first place, or are we just a bunch of ungrateful gits? Scream Of The Shalka might have something to say about that"

There's also a real 'trying-too-hard' feeling that pervades Fatal Death. I don't think Stephen Moffat even wrote the regenerations as the dialogue sounds hastily added-in once they knew who they could get for it. And since the skit's only twenty minutes long, is the incessant running joke about travelling back in time to preempt events a wry observation on Moffat's part about story padding? Or was it some tiresome hack editor with a biro, attacking the jokes under the pretense that it's not funny enough if it's not said at least three times? Likewise, Rowan Atkinson is by far the best person in it because he's the only one who downplays his part like it should be for genuine comic effect, instead of just having a good time. Jonathan Pryce doesn't get to do a lot that you know Anthony Ainley wouldn't (prop breasts aside), so there isn't much of a joke there. Julia Sawalha also falls a bit flat, as a big problem with Fatal Death is that there's no real straight man in it; no character to anchor the audience and bring the rest of the wackiness into sharp relief. This should be Emma the companion's job, to ply the Doctor with feed lines in the same way the real thing would set up all the questions for the Doctor to explain (or not) to the audience; there isn't much opportunity to play things straight when she has to constantly compete with the Master's loud buffoonery. What's more, Julia Sawalha is called upon to completely ruin many of the jokes by adding on a superfluous extra punchline for the thickies who didn't get it. Ugh.

But if Stephen Moffat, as a fan, doesn't give a toss for any of that then why should we? In much the same way his self-knowing scripts for the new series do, Moffat in 1999 was wearing his heart on his sleeve and saying, "this is our show, it may be silly, laugh if you like but we'll take the bad with the good and be here to support it until the very end". And his enthusiasm is infectious; it's what, despite all the efforts by cast and crew to undermine it, makes Curse Of The Fatal Death watchable over and over again, each time gleaning some extra little titbit that you know was added just for you, as if to acknowledge that fan obsession with show continuity was what helped drive it away from the mainstream audience during the 1980s. How can you not love how unashamedly geeky it all is, when that same fanservice is, ironically, the richest and most subtle part (and that's a sentence I bet you never expected to hear)? The 'etheric beam locators that detect ion-charge emissions' is amusing technobabble, but all the funnier when you know it's lifted berbatim from Genesis Of The Daleks. The three words "I'll explain later" need no explanation at all. And then of course there's the icing on the cake; the most famous joke ever liberated from the annals of fandom itself; Joanna Lumley as the very last Doctor, finally fulfilling every fanboy's JNT-implanted wet dream.

"Mark Ayres has an entire webpage devoted to the music jokes in Curse Of The Fatal Death. Now THAT'S spoddy"

The second-funniest person after Rowan Atkinson is of course, Mark Ayres; his spot-on Dudley Simpson impression to the beginning leads in to a non-stop audio treat as every single extra snippet of incidental music culled from another episode is not only recognisable, but used in exactly the same context as the original was; Malcolm Clarke's Dalek themes, The Five Doctors extracts for the Master, regeneration music from Logopolis and The Caves Of Androzani, and a dozen different oo-ee-oooos from Meglos. Mark Ayres has an entire webpage devoted to the music jokes in Curse Of The Fatal Death. Now THAT'S spoddy.

I don't think any Comic Relief spoof before or since has really cast such a critical eye towards its target's ripeness for ridicule because of, rather than in spite of, what makes it popular; especially not these days when Comic Relief's parody onus is on coasting on the target's brand name while it's there. A po-faced lot we fans may be who need the sense of fun kicked into us from time to time, but our show still has the capacity to laugh at itself, which is more than Comic Relief's flagging career-hounds really manage these days. Naah, towards the end just any old f****r with an Equity card...

The Bumper Book Of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Curse Of Fatal Death: Russell T Davis learned everything he knows about comic timing from this one story.

Can You Still Love Me In My New Body..?

He’s back…and it’s about comic timing

The Curse of Fatal Death

If ever you need reminding during these days of saturation coverage, overwhelming media support and bouquets from the likes of BAFTA of a time when Doctor Who was a somewhat quaint, slightly embarrassing and seemingly spent force in the world of television drama, then look no further than this piece of fluff that Comic Relief knocked up some eight years ago now. Yes, it’s all for a good cause. Yes, it was pretty much all we got in those days beyond the odd spin-off video or DWM fix each month (and even Big Finish were still a few months away from securing their licence to empty our bank accounts). And yes, it certainly has its moments for the die-hards to look at now and chortle quietly to themselves as they dust their collection of six Radio Times covers in a year and think ‘bloody hell, have I dreamed the last four years or what?’

But besides that, ‘The Curse of Fatal Death is pretty bloody awful, n’est-ce pas?

Now I’m not gonna fall into the trap of saying what a travesty it makes of the show’s format by regenerating the Doctor through all his remaining incarnations - and into a woman, no less - as some kind of attempt by the Beeb to finally kill all chances of the show ever coming back (I mean, what would be the point now, eh?). And nor am I gonna suggest that by subverting - and indeed destroying - any of the show’s dramatic credentials it merely plays to the crowd who only remembered the wobbly sets and the senseless gobbledegook that took the place of any proper storylines. No, my problem with ‘The Curse of Fatal Death’ is that it just isn’t very funny; and saying that about something written by the man who, for me, has produced the best slice of Doctor Who since its 2005 revamp is about as close as I’m gonna get to being a complete and utter charity killjoy.

the second half becomes a repetitive, juvenile and frankly embarrassing attempt to nail Comic Relief’s frequently lame ‘celeb-athon’ skits onto the Who mast

Okay, there is the occasional slice of Douglas Adams-inspired lunacy and hint of Steven Moffat’s layered plotting that would make his proper episodes - and in particular ‘The Girl in the Fireplace’ - such tour-de-force pieces of genius. But if the first part spends most of its time gently sending up the show’s format and dropping the odd fanboy titbit (only a fan like Moffat could remember Tersurus) then the second half becomes a repetitive, juvenile and frankly embarrassing attempt to nail Comic Relief’s frequently lame ‘celeb-athon’ skits onto the Who mast with fart jokes, sexual innuendo (RTD must love this spoof for these alone) and piss-taking of the show’s flaws that somehow didn’t have the hardcore clogging-up the BBC switchboard.

Which is a shame, as like I say for thirteen minutes this is about as perfect as any Who spoof has got (and for the really bad ones, leave the tape running and cringe over Lenny Henry and French & Saunders’ attempts from the mid-80s). Even Rowan Atkinson is fine, despite basically playing Doctor Blackadder. And while Jonathan Pryce gives it all he’s got in the panto-Master stakes - to his credit being almost indistinguishable from Anthony Ainley at times - you can’t help but wonder how good he could have been if given the gig for real. As for Julia Sawalha, well perhaps it’s best she didn’t go for that audition as Ace after all…

if ‘The Curse of Fatal Death’ has one redeeming quality it’s in the occasional moments of real heart its writer shows for his muse

Part two is really only about how each of the ‘celebrity Doctors’ make an impression given their scant screen time. Later cartoon Doc Richard E Can’t gets the biggest slice to carve out some sort of persona, but his Doctor’s almost as vain and arrogant as Colin; whilst Jim Broadbent gets bugger all to do but look shy. Hugh Grant - especially given a recent newspaper confession of regret at turning down the real deal in 2005 - is arguably the most interesting; showing the same sort of gosh-wow charm that seems to be his only acting gear. But in doing so comes across as more suitable than any of the others combined. And Joanna Lumley - after years of Tom Baker-inspired rumour and controversy - at last gets to show what a female Doctor would be like. And I still wouldn’t put it past RTD having this particular ‘f**king colossal cliff-hanger’ up his sleeve for some later date.

Eight years on and it’s perhaps the curiosity value which remains the most compelling aspect of this venture; not to mention how some of the ideas mooted here bled into RTD’s reboot. The Doctor ‘loving’ his companion? Check. Embarrassing fart gags? Obviously. Shameless casting of high-profile celebs for comedy value? *cough* Catherine Tate *cough*. But to be fair to Moffat, even before he would go on to write one of the finest Who scripts of all time, there’s enough here to make you want to hug him for his fan-geek credentials. And if ‘The Curse of Fatal Death’ has one redeeming quality it’s in the occasional moments of real heart its writer shows for his muse. Has there been a better description of the Doctor’s crucial place in the universe and our fan hearts as the suggestion that without him ‘it’ll never be safe to be scared again’? Or how that whole monologue from Julia Sawalha’s Emma, as she mourns the apparent death of the Hugh Grant Doctor, encapsulates the very essence of the show’s appeal; and even acts as Steven Moffat’s own clarion call for the powers that be to - one day - bring it back?

Hugh Grant is arguably the most interesting; showing the same sort of gosh-wow charm that seems to be his only acting gear

Fan-baiting travesty or the first step that Doctor Who took towards re-establishing its position in the pop culture Zeitgeist? From our current lofty position of thirteen guaranteed new episodes each year - and more mainstream acceptance than ever seemed possible - the question probably answers itself. But I suspect there will always be a section of fandom that looks back on this bit of fun with a shiver down their spine and a few silent thank-yous as they bask in the current glow of Who-pride.

From 'Behind the Sofa of Reasonable Comfort', no doubt.

(The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Curse of Fatal Death: eight years on, and members of DWAS are still trying to sue the BBC for raping their childhoods with this piece of fund-raising heresy)

The Spikes of Doom

I remember a lot of fans getting really excited at the news of The Curse Fatal Death. You have to remember, at the time, that it was the first new Who since the TV movie and the first Doctor Who made entirely by the BBC since Survival. It was also the best we were going to get at the time, even if it was just a skit for comic relief, because it was Doctor Who. Honest to god Doctor Who, the kind we used to watch on Saturday evenings.

It was actually well made and took some of the elements we all remember from the original series such as the wobbly sets (although in this case this was the TARDIS set which wobbled alarmingly whenever the central column moved) and the humour present in the series.

Even though this was a comedy skit it was more like the original series than the TV movie was. As it was written by Steven Moffat, the story was chock full of great lines (such as the eulogy near the end of the skit spoken by Emma about what the Doctor means to the universe and, by proxy, the television viewers and the constant reminding of ‘I’ll explain later” which even the Daleks say at one point!), and was definitely a sign of things to come even though we didn’t know it at the time, when the chances of Doctor Who ever returning as a television series were about as remote as the chances of AFC Wimbledon winning the Champions League.

I actually wouldn’t have had a problem with the show returning in this kind of format, a little bit like Jonathan Creek was at the time, and later on Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased).

You could also tell that Steven Moffat was involved as Julia Sawalha played the companion, and for all of those people who are wondering on the forums what a series run by Steven Moffat would be like, could probably look no further than this as an example of how it might be, after all there are similarities between this and the revamped series that we are enjoying today, there is the intimation of a physical relationship between the Doctor and the companion (you’re the only travelling companion I have ever had), there is the often risque, adult humour for the adults to enjoy without ruining it for the children watching (also like a lot of animated movies made today like Wallace and Gromit and Shrek), so it isn’t as far removed from what we have today as you might think. Well it is until the point at the end of the third episode when the Doctor regenerates.

I remember at the time being quite surprised at the point, as I was not expecting that at all, but what happened in the fourth episode was certainly not what I was expecting either.

One level it could be seen as an attempt by the BBC to kill of the series by having the Doctor go through his remaining regenerations in the space on ten minutes, which I am sure quite a lot of fandom were generally worried about for a while after this was shown, because it was made by the BBC after all and the Rowan Atkinson Doctor was said to be the ninth Doctor in the media.

On the other level it was just an excuse to get lots of famous faces to play the Doctor for a few minutes at time, including probably one of the biggest stars you are likely to see on Comic Relief, Hugh Grant.

Actually Hugh Grant was quite good as the Doctor in his brief cameo, being more than little like a posh, foppish version of the Fifth Doctor. What with the rumours that Hugh Grant had turned down the role before it does make you wonder what sort of Doctor Hugh would have played. Probably the same as all of the other characters he plays, which is the kind of Doctor we see in The Curse of Fatal Death.

Richard E Grant plays the Doctor for the first time here and plays it far better in the couple of minutes he is on screen than he does in Scream of the Shalka where he does seem to phone in his performance. Here, he does seem to be having fun playing the part, which is really how it should be.

Rowan Atkinson made a really good Doctor, even though he did play a little bit like he plays his Blackadder character, and Julia Sawalha was good as the companion, playing a standard companion type character but one who has a much closer relationship with the Doctor than any companion at the time.

Jonathan Pryce was also great as the Master, and at that time he would have been a good choice if they ever did bring the series back.

It has to be said that the effects work on this little skit were really top notch and the cliffhanging end of one of the episodes where the Doctor and Emma open a door to reveal thousands of Daleks was realised really well.

One of the better Comic Relief skits in my opinion (and not just because it is Doctor Who) you could do no better than to watch this, if you can, on this, Comic Relief, night.

I'll explain later...

For all of the humour, bad jokes and references that only a fan could get, what's amazing about The Curse of Fatal Death is that it still manages to feel like the real deal and in the dark days of the late nineties demonstrated to some of us that actually with a producer with a bit of imagination that a series could still be produced on a relatively low budget, making old style aesthetic a virtue.  I suspect some money was spent to make those sets look cheap and it really works, particularly in the corridor sequence.  And look thousands and thousands of Daleks half a decade before The Mill began rendering them!

"What killed the original series in the end wasn't ropey effects or cheap looking sets - it was the quality of writing and the ultimate torpedoing of the spirit of fun which had been at the forefront during the golden eras. "

What killed the original series in the end wasn't ropey effects or cheap looking sets - it was the quality of writing and the ultimate torpedoing of the spirit of fun which had been at the forefront during the golden eras.  But they're all back in Steven Moffat's script which would have fitted perfectly in the Graham Williams era which much to the chagrin of the hard-scfi fans was when the show was at its most popular. 

There are jokes but they're affectionate, playing on not only the general audience's assumptions about the series, but also on at the meta-level the fans assumptions of what the general audience's assumptions might be.  But laced in there are references that only fans could get from calling the planet Tersurus and that this is the ninth incarnation (something that Lance Parkin apparently plays on in the final Eighth Doctor novel, The Gallifrey Chronicles, by saying that all three ninths, including REG and Mr. Eccleston are potentially canonical).

"The real genius of this apparent spoof is how straight it's all played."

The real genius of this apparent spoof is how straight it's all played.  Rowan Atkinson's portrayal is far from a parody perfectly capturing all of the elements of the good timelord, with even the fart gag rendered with a modicum of excitement and grit.  Jonathan Pryce's Master isn't that far from Anthony Ainley at his most scenery chewing and Julia Swahala, bless her, totally getting that the role of the companion is to care deeply for the Doctor in a variety of ways.

The final few segments/episodes/whatever are the real tour de force though, presenting a succession of new Doctors, all of whom, with perhaps the exception of Jim Broadbent, would have been perfect Doctors demonstrating the maxim that anyone can play the Doctor in their own way.  Richard E Grant notoriously hadn't seen an episode of Doctor Who before recording this and yet he's straight on point with the charisma as is Joanna Lumley proving that actually - the Doctor could be a woman.

Of course before broadcast little was really known about what to expect and there was genius in the casting of these mini-incarnations, largely casting actors who had been rumoured as appearing in the role at one point or another.  But watching Hugh Grant appear was totally unexpected and he's such a joy, completely convincing as the dying man.  I think Steven Moffat lists it as one of his favourite moments in all of Doctor Who and he's right, in those few a moments are a universe of promise, you can absolutely see how heroic his portrayal would be.  Heartbreaking - and at the end of as I said, an apparent spoof.

"But watching Hugh Grant appear was totally unexpected and he's such a joy, completely convincing as the dying man."

I've always thought that my return to Doctor Who fandom was prompted by a trip to the exhibition in Llangolen, but it was probably this.  It was Doctor Who as I remembered it being rather than the reality, filled to the brim with fun and not taking itself too seriously.  I'm convinced that its success is what began the tiniest spark that led to its return and it would be a tragedy if it didn't show up on dvd at some point.  Perhaps for next Red Nose Day.

Fart gags, sex swaps and non-fans.

As we build up to Comic Relief night, and addressing a late comer to the Stripped Down 5 party, I've dug out a couple of interesting quotes from an article by Alan Barnes, in DWM #278. He's talking to Steven Moffatt:

'I suggest that this version - Ninth Doctor, companion and fiancée, multiple regenerations, Time Lord sex swaps, fart gags - might, if it were not for its charitable status, be considered completely outrageous. You're getting away with murder, I say. Steven grins. "Who says we'll get away with it? We'll probably get lynched - I'll be lured to a Doctor Who convention and hanged for many, many blasphemies."'

And Moffatt on the suggestion of if/when Doctor Who comes back:

'"And while I would love to be involved in such a project, I think you probably need people who are not fans... I think non-fans should make an awful lot of the artistic decisions about it. And dispose of the notion of canon once and for all, I suspect, because every creative team which takes over should be left to do their own version."'