Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

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Apologies to the Chaps Bros. over at Homestar Runner: couldn't resist the joke. Sorry.

Steel or No Steel?

This "review" is very, very late, and I don't know about you lot but I'm Cybermanned out. Everyone has pretty much hit the nail on the head already, and so, in a desperate attempt to divert attention away from the fact that I haven't got anything remotely new to add, I thought I'd present my review in the form of an episode of Deal or No Deal. Don't ask me why - it seemed like a good idea at the time.

A camera swoops majestically under Noel Edmond's nostrils as a studio audience orgasm in the background.

Noel: I'd knew you'd be back. You join us in the middle of a gripping climax to one of the most exciting games we've ever had - this week. Before the break, John Lumic, who is sadly suffering from Michael Parkinson's disease, growled an emphatic  "No Deal" to an offer from the Banker of a homosexual love scene between Mickey and Jake in Paris.

Lumic: NOOOOO DEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!!!

Noel: Exactly. John still has the power 3 in play: Cyberman hush-puppies which will allow them to sneak up on people, a poignant death scene, and the big one - a satisfying resolution to the subplot involving Ricky's Gran's stair carpet. However, he still has the two lowest boxes in play as well. We really need to get rid of them in the next round. We really, really don't want to see the decent endings. OK, John?

Lumic: Number Two -

Noel: Right, Nyssa - we desperately don't want to see a poignant death scene or a hint of stair carpet -

Lumic: Nooooooooooooo! I need a Number Two. I require you to change my bag, you obsequious fool!

Noel: Oh dear, Nyssa has already removed the seal so we'll have to go with it, I'm afraid.

Nyssa opens her box and the audience gasp in horror.

Noel: Oh no! You didn't want to do that! We'll never know what happened to the stair carpet now! I'm really, really sorry, John.

Lumic: Noooooooooooo (cough) oooooooooo!

Noel: If you still want a decent resolution to a vaguely exciting two-parter you simply have to avoid the sneaky Cybermen and the poignant death scene.

Lumic: Box 13.

Noel: Tegan! Don't ruin Lumic's game now -

Tegan frowns as she lifts the lid to reveal the lowest blue: a cameo from John Paul Green. The crowd go apeshit.

Lumic: Excellent!

Noel: Phew! You haven't joined the dreaded John Paul Green club. You could still go away with a life-affirming conclusion to this story. What's it going to be, John?

Lumic: Adric. From beyond the grave.

Noel: Don't f**k it up now, Adric!

Adric opens box 13. The audience groan as he reveals "A Poignant Death Scene Involving Mickey/Ricky/Pete/Mickey's Gran".

Noel: No, no, no, no, no. It's a one-box game, now.

The phone rings. Twenty minutes later, Noel picks it up. Twenty minutes of silence later, he puts it down again. He paces morosely towards the camera and then deftly pirouettes as he bellows at Lumic:

Noel: Mickey dies and Ricky joins the TARDIS crew!

The audience go mad with ecstasy.

Lumic: Hmmmm... it's a very tempting offer but I'm sure I have a sneaky Cyberman in my box. Ask me the question, foolish human.

Noel: John Lumic - a leftfield twist involving Ricky joining the TARDIS crew: Deal or No Deal?

A twenty minute pause as Murray Gold piles on the tension.

Lumic: Noooooooo Deallllllllllll!

The crowd go wild. The Banker offers the swap but Lumic declines.

Noel: OK, let's see how clever you've been, Mr Lumic. Have you had a sneaky Cyberman in your box all along?

Noel theatrically flips open the lid of Lumic's box and the audience sound like they've all just lost the will to live.

Noel: No! Mickey realises that he's lost Rose to the Doctor. For the eighteenth time! Oh dear.

Lumic is sobbing uncontrollably. Noel puts his arm around him.

Noel: Let's see what you wrote in the book. Oh dear: world domination and my own spin-off series. I'm so sorry, John. But at least you played the game to the bitter end. You might even turn up at the end of the season. Stupider things have happened. Join us tomorrow evening when we'll see if Maureen Lipman will walk away with a fabulous finale or a daft denouement. I'm Noel Edmonds and you will be like me.

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Age of Steel: Fans can rest easy. Big Finish have just announced that they'd be releasing a 119-part mini-series featuring Ricky's Gran and her continuing battles against the local parallel council.

"They've re-badged it, you fool."

I want you, to relax. To feel peace and tranquility wash over you. Close your eyes. Lie down. And imagine… what it would feel like… to have your testicles placed inside a particle accelerator. As the primeval forces of the early Universe tear your nut sack apart, particle by particle, and as each primeval scrotal element is accelerated to close the speed of light, you feel every single atomic collision as your poor nuts are smashed around a doughnut cylinder with the circumference of 17 to the power of Prescott squared. Now imagine that, whilst all this is happening, the only anesthetic beating off the searing pain is an audio book, of Mein Kampf, read by Trigger, being squirted directly into your hypothalamus. And to top it all, an image of a naked Keith Chegwin, with elephantitis, playfully skips past you.

Now. Multiply that pain and horror by a factor of 4,000 and you've still got nowhere near the horror of Cyber conversion...

The Age of Steel

Weird conclusion to a cliff-hanger. Now, I'll just point this thing at you all, and you'll all bend over. Backwards. Ta-daaa! Small wonder the Cyberbenders didn’t topple over at this point.

For such a successful business man, Lumic's business model makes no sense at all. He's pioneering technological advances, to prolong his own life, and sell things to the great unwashed. As any fule kno, the upgrade path, and the desirability of having the latest kit, is what keeps people like Currys in business. If you're Cyber converted, and have all human emotions removed or inhibited, then you’re not going to be able to lust after the latest Burberry styled mp3 player, or an ingestible DAB digital radio, or a lean mean grillin' machine that also predicts the future and irons clothes all in one. Inhibit the part of the human brain that desires to keep up with the Joneses and your business model collapses over night. Is it any wonder then, that Lumic was consigned to a sofa from a Mondasian branch of DFS, one that had a built in lavatory.

The Cybermen themselves remain true to their Doctor Who roots. They maintain that air of true shitness. Whilst there's something horrifying about being chased by a ceaseless, relentless force that'll never give up, they're not exactly Zola Budd in the running stakes, are they? And all that percussion accompaniment makes it impossible for one to sneak up on someone, and yet it happens with Mrs. Moore's demise. How the hell did that one not make a noise? Was it up on tippy toes, like Fred Flintstone about to bowl a ten pin bowling ball? Did it have fluffy bunny slipper on to muffle the sound?

Best bit was undoubtedly the Cyber Conversion slice'n'dice chop'n'slop sluice room. The rotating knives. The laser cutters. The blood up the walls. And then the Cybermask descending to blot out all remaining humanity. Superb. Owes more to Real Time than to Spare Parts tho. All that was needed was blood arcing across the interior of the conversion cylinders and splatting onto the camera lens.

It's not bad, for what basically boils down to an elongated rant about interoperability, a world where every single piece of technology works with every other single piece of technology. So think on, next time you sync your PocketPC with your Frigidaire and ask your microwave to order a pizza from Tesco and record Lovejoy on UK Gold+34, spare a thought for your bollocks. I might just make you appreciate a well cooked meal…

The Bumper Book of Made-up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Age of Steel: had Tom Baker agreed to appear in this episode then there would have been a fourth way into Battersea Power Station, through a portal in Ricky Gervais' head.

Steel Lectures

Who, twelve months ago, thought they’d regret Mickey's passing? I remember hearing that he’d become a proper companion and despairing. It was a very sad moment watching him finally leave Rose. For good. Or until an introspective time-stream correlates with the solar plexar and a time window... oh, and there’s a worm hole in there too (see the Tachyon Association for the Promotion of Pseudoscience for details)... until they want him back. But who knows what might happen on the road to Paris – it’s a spin-off that’s right up RTD’s street, I’d imagine.

It certainly wasn’t original, but there was even some suspense in that: would there be a twist or not? It turns out not, which is a shame. The obvious ending, (with Mickey, not Pete) just puts a massive cap on a clichéd story. Formulaic plots are fine, up to a point, but it’s only so often they can be trotted out. And with so little originality to wonder over, the considerable plot holes invite criticism. The cliff-hanger resolution is a good example: magic piece of rock is not imaginative.

Who, twelve months ago, thought they’d regret Mickey's passing?

How much better would it have been if they’d done a City of Death and destroyed the operational once they were inside? I wouldn’t like to go into too much detail because so much plot is utterly contrived and that would miss out the fact that it’s actually very good, and I try to be positive. A good place to start for that would be Graeme Harper.

Last week was messy and uncertain; this week was concise and beautiful. What changed? Goodness knows, but my, doesn’t he do it well? Every shot you can tell he thought about, then worked to achieve as well as possible. The most memorable image of the entire series, bar one from Terror of the Vervoids, has to be the Doctor and Mrs Moore descending into the eerie condensation of the Cyber-lined tunnels, (inexplicably called Deep Cold). This is such an improvement and now I get what’s meant by Graeme Harper direction: it’s not just that he was better than Peter Moffat, but that he’s a rival to Euros Lyn, still the best IMO.

Sidestepping another plot hole – there are so many they’ve manifested themselves physically – how great were the Cybermen? The number were manipulated expertly, (again, down to Harper) and they had such macabre moments, (Cyber-Jackie) that they might just rival the Daleks for the newbies.

The CGI – and there was a lot – was good, excellent considering the volume they needed to produce, and so were the sets, particularly the zeppelin cock-pit. Top marks, however, have to go to out newly ensconced Cybercontroller. That’s so OTT it works, and best of all – RL-P sounds more realistic as a Cyberman.

I now can’t wait for the finalé, direction-wise, although it’s going to be a nightmare to explain in continuity terms, and I wonder if the death-boogie of the Cybermen might be adopted more literally by RTD. So – an excellent 2-parter, best watched as such because of the slow lead-in and the worthwhile pay-off. Just could have done a bit less plot which involved the population of London fitting into Battersea power station.

Above, Between, Below

It was at this moment that I realised that I was perhaps more of a fan than I had previously thought. As soon as these words were uttered, I found myself humming "Who unto Rassilon’s tower would go…" and then had to pause the show to explain to a frankly bemused wife what the hell I was singing for.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Almost the whole of this season has been tremendous. I really didn’t like New Earth, but since then it’s been getting better every week. My personal highlight so far had to be the introspection of what happens once your TARDIS ticket runs out and you get replaced with a newer model. Poor Sarah Jane.

But Age of Steel may just have been the best of the bunch! This was classic Who with proper old time villains, plucky heroics, great dialogue and tugged heartstrings.

Taking this last point first. The "I’m so cold" line. Pitch perfect – Saddest Cyberman scene ever (Although there isn’t much competition – The end of Earthshock was just an excuse for a party). However, I did wonder whether her fiancé had also been ‘upgraded’ in which case would a Cyberman to Cyberman wedding be allowed under law or would it have to be civil ceremony? I imagine that this would also bring a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘cyber-sex’.

I really didn’t see the conversion of Jackie Tyler coming, either. That was a real shocker. To realise that the memories were all still there, but for them to mean nothing to ‘her’. That must have been a bit of a blow to Rose and Pete.

Speaking of whom, I loved the way that he just couldn’t deal with the revelation of her parentage. In many other shows, he would have embraced her and muttered some gushing lines about how "he knew she was special" and that "he knew that his counterpart in her universe must be so proud of her" blah, blah, blah. But to just have him walk off in stunned disbelief, unable or unwilling to accept it. Great stuff. I know the Mickey/Ricky thing was meant to be a big deal, but I never really took to him and was quite frankly glad to see the back of the guy. No offence to Noel Clarke, he acted the part well, eventually, I just never liked the Mickey character.

And then of course there were the nods to the long-term fans just thrown in for extra effects.

Not only referencing the old series, but keeping the continuity of the characterisation going from each new story to the next.

For example, the line that finally prompted me to write this piece. It happened when the ‘Preachers’ were planning to storm Battersea Power Station/Lumic’s HQ and had decided that there would be a three pronged attack. (Mickey and the chap who’s name escapes me were heading for the air-ship anchored on the roof, Rose and Pete were going to walk in the front door and the Doctor and Mrs Moore were heading for the basement) The Doctor says something along the lines of "Three ways in. Above, between, below."

Straight away I was back in the Death Zone in 1983 with Doctor 2 telling the Brigadier of the nursery rhyme about how to get into Rassilon’s tower. Tremendous stuff. I’m just disappointed that he didn’t sing it.

Then there was the rather easy decision that the Doctor made to re-emotion all the Cybermen and not only kill them, but to kill them by driving them mad with despair and horror at what had happened to them. Compare this to Doctor 4’s angst and inability to kill off the Daleks when he had the chance back in Genesis. This flows admirably from the Doctor’s beautiful line to the woefully underused Tony Head that he "used to have so much mercy." This all ties in so well together.

Before you think that that this is just some weird Whovian love in - I do have a few points that grated a little with me.

The Cybermen. Although in general they were the perfect prototype for things to come, when they were chasing the Doctors’ group I swear they were doing some weird dance routine. When they rounded the corner the synchronised right turn was a line-dancing move straight out the Achy Breaky Heart video or possibly Cotton-Eyed Jo. And as they ‘walked’ away being somehow distracted by the Sonic Screwdriver, they were doing the Nutty Dance so beloved by Madness or The Breakfast Club depending on your influences as a youth.

Whilst we’re on the cyber subject. They made that lovely piston hiss combined with the stomping big feet whenever they walked. So how the hell did one of them mange to sneak up behind Mrs Moore and kill her? I can just picture him tip-toeing up behind them, stifling a giggle thinking how surprised they’ll be to see him there. Where did he come from? Really.

Finally the sonic screwdriver. When the hell did it start cutting rope? This must be an upgrade on the original model, because I’m sure that in one of the Peladon stories (although don’t quote on this) when Doctor 3 and Jo were trapped in a dungeon, he complains that the sonic screwdriver is unable to manipulate the old fashioned lock. Jo then produces a large bunch of keys from God knows where - Although I now suspect the Captain Jack’s hiding place for his gun may not have been original. Perhaps there’s a companion’s handbook that you get when you sign up. How to hide unfeasibly large objects on your person, when to ask blindingly obvious questions, the best octaves to scream in and what support groups exist to help you once you leave. That sort of thing.

Anyway, the new and improved sonic screwdriver. It can open every type of lock, distract Cybermen when they’re looking for you, cut through rope and if Captain Jack is to be believed put up shelves. I’d love to have seen the sales pitch for that one. Not to mention the owners manual.

So there you go.

I thought Age of Steel was Fantastic. More period drama next week and as there’s no way it can rival Girl in the Fireplace, I think the week on week improvement may have reached it’s peak. As long as it plateau’s and doesn’t plummet I’ll be happy.

Metal, Mickey

This one was so rubbish - I was hardly in it! Still I did look good and well worth the two hours hanging around a cold Cardiff street while they lit a restaurant which I didn't even notice in the episode. Ah such is television. Still it meant I could actually watch this episode a little more objectively - which is a pity because it opened itself up to a fair few flaws - try saying that with Freddie Mercury's teeth (don't ask).

After leaving us with a very Bond meets The Professionals finale (it did look very late seventies) we finally see the Cybermen do a little more than stomp around. We see them stomp and boogie - boogie boogie. It's more Metal Mickey than Buck Roger's Tweaky, but either way, when those Cybermen buy it they don't half look silly. And how are they killed? Emotional overload? Good job they didn't see Sarah Jane finally get that goodbye from the Doctor, they'd have split their flares, cried buckets and then gone all Scanners on us. Well, call me old fashioned but I'd rather they still had that aversion to gold. We could have had a great scene where chav Billie starts throwing her sovereign rings at them. Still, there's always the real Earth (uh Mondas) Cyber tale for that little gem. I can imagine now - the fate of Mankind rests on the availability of cheap jewellery at Elizabeth Duke. Argos will become a safe haven for our intrepid heroes - as long as they know how to work out that strange stock checking device and the controversial queueing system.

I liked the Cyber Controller, sat upon his throne like a robotised version of Conan. The Teflon Man cometh - and goeth as his non-stick promise screws his chances on that rope ladder (or ropey finale). It wasn't quite Alien3 was it.

For the most part I really enjoyed The Age of Steel. The Cybermen were rather striking and it was good to see Jackie upgraded. I liked the idea that Rose was desperate to bring her two parallel parental widowers together, although this should have been the emotional hook not Mickey. To be fair though, I liked Mickey in this, I really did and call me a daft brush but I will miss him for a few weeks. Wasn't that clever though, killing off Ricky and leaving a space for Mickey to step into - wow. Pity he has to shack up with that Grover though - please promise me he won't be making a return.

I loved Mrs. Moore but I spent five minutes wondering if I'd missed some huge piece of novelised Doctor Who continuity when the Doctor gets her to reveal her real name - was I supposed to raise a knowing smile and go "Ah yes, Angela Price, of course - the freedom fighter from that series of adult-orientated Virgin New Adventures". I take it we have never met this woman before, in an audio adventure or Golden Wonder comic strip? Come on John, I'm counting on you for answers here.

Anyway, not the greatest return for our silver giants. Certainly not a patch on Dalek, but I'm glad they're back. I loved the Cybermen as a kid and I invested a lot of hope into the new series ability to really bring these chaps back with a vengeance. Now then, how will our Rose cope without Mickey being around and how on Earth are they going to get New Earth to become Mondas for future adventures. I don't know.

Hey, Mickey!

So after all that build up of tension during Rise of the Cybermen what did The Age of Steel offer us?

Well, after that fantastic cliffhanger it was rather spoiled by the really bad and totally convenient resolve with a Checkov’s revolver moment with the big green glowing thing from the TARDIS.

I must admit that bit really did annoy me. I guess it was an easy way out of an almost impossible situation but it just did seem to be a bit too convenient. Not as good as the moment in The Doctor Dances when the Doctor orders the little boy to “go to his room”, in my opinion.

From that moment on in this episode there is action, action and more action. In my last review I was a bit dismissive of the direction of Mr Harper, but in this episode he pulls all the stops out and shows why he is quite possibly the best Doctor Who director ever.

In almost every scene you can see the thought that has gone into each and every camera move. After the general high standard of the direction in this new series you felt that he would have to out Harper himself, and with these two episodes he really did.

I am not sure if the writing is up to the standard of the direction though. I mean the plot is completely and totally unoriginal (a mish-mash of Genesis of the Daleks, The Invasion and Spare Parts) but there is some good dialogue and even a reference to The Five Doctors thrown in for good measure.

To be honest this episode was not as good as the previous one, but this was more action packed and did have to fit quite a lot of stuff into it. There were some pretty obvious lines such as the Doctor proclaiming, “This finishes tonight!” Well duh! We know that. It’s a two-parter. And, of course, Lumic saying the ever-popular Cyber catchphrase “Excellent”.

After that credit for Mark Platt in last week’s episode we now know why it was there. It was for this episode in particular with some of the Cybermen becoming aware of whom they used to be. Just like in the Big Finish audio it was a female who had been Cybernised who became aware of what had happened to them.

Indeed, the person they showed going into the incinerator to be Cybernised was female also. Was it that they just thought it would have more dramatic impact if a woman had been Cybernised, especially one of the main characters and also one who was just about to get married?

One of the things that impressed me about this episode in particular was the amount of Cybermen on show. There was certainly a lot of them in this episode and it was nice to see that they actually seemed like an army compared to what we had been used to seeing before i.e a couple of them at a time.

Hands up who was surprised when Lumic was turned into Cyber Controller? Not many of you I would wager, especially when Totally Doctor Who gave them game away in their clip of the episode.

Again the star of the show in this episode was the redoubtable Noel Clarke in his dual role of Mickey and Ricky. In this episode he really did step up to the plate. I am glad that it was Ricky and not Mickey that bought it in the episode. Mainly because of the outcry it would cause on certain Doctor Who message boards, but also because I think it would have been a waste to kill him off.

There were certainly enough signposts that he might have been about to die during the episode itself but they managed to avoid that particular cliché. I am pretty sure this is not the last we will see of Mickey Smith.

In general, Age of Steel was a very enjoyable episode which did stand up to the quality of the first episode. At the end of the day though, this is most certainly a story that works best when watched as a two-parter. Neither really stands up on its own as an episode without the other, so as single episodes they are only slightly better than average; but as a two parter they are superb.

I would say that these episodes are almost as good as The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances. It might well have topped that, if the cliffhanger resolve had been better. I am really looking forward to Graeme Harper’s next episodes now.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Age Of Steel: This episode also saw the beginnings of a further spin-off series Mickey Smith, Where are you? Starring Noel Clarke and Andrew Hayden-Smith. It is due to replace Byker Grove in the schedules later this year.

Brand of the Cybermen

Tricky things two-parters - give the viewers too much in part one and you risk leaving the well dry for the denouement. Not give them enough and you’re left with far too much tying up of loose ends in forty-five minutes. It’s a bleeding tightrope, I tell you.

This is not bad Doctor Who, but it’s not great either. I’ve seen this episode more times than any other this year and I do like it; but then my first experience was somewhat spoiled (if that’s the word) by having three like-minded obsessives yakking over it as we podcasted ourselves into a very tight corner. I have to watch each episode twice; one as a viewer, the other as a critic. But this has to be the first time that I’ve willingly talked over a brand new episode of Who (or at least without swearing excessively at the TV set while doing so).

So, the good stuff: Graeme Harper’s direction is sublime, with a real eye for the eerie amidst the epic (case in point, the Doctor’s subterranean trip through Cyber-infested tunnels with ‘Mrs Moore’ is as chilling as anything seen in either ‘The Invasion’ or ‘Tomb…’) and the pans that his camera takes around the streamlined new Cybermen’s features absolutely fetishises these creatures to a degree that not even the likes of past-masters Camfield and Grimwade have managed. And Harper hanger-on Alan Spaull continues his good work from part one as Lumic’s cyber-converting lacky, giving one of those performances that’s easy to overlook yet really shines when you take the time to look.

Problems? Well, it’s yet another two-parter in Doctor Who’s renaissance period that spends far too much of its resolution having the principal cast run around like headless chickens. Okay, so we’ve got to get to a point where we have three groups each leading an attack on the Cyber-factory in Battersea power station (which is presumably dimensionally transcendental in this parallel universe, seeing as the whole of London is being shoved in) but do we have to get a potted tour of the back-streets of Cardiff and London doing so? And speaking of faults, was there anyone out there - even the ones who’d missed the heavy-handed hints over the past three episodes - that didn’t think Mickey was gonna do the decent thing; the only shocker is that it’s parallel life Ricky who buys it (far too early in the episode for any emotional resonance, in my opinion) rather than the genuine article. I mean, they’d hardly kill off both versions now, would they?

I hate to bitch - as I always do with Doctor Who, even when it is deserved - but ‘Rise of the Cybermen’ was such a stunner - and not just for that reason - that I guess this resolution can’t fail to disappoint. On the plus side it’s yet another episode which shows just how effortless David Tennant’s portrayal of the Doctor is; acting by turns laddishly, menacingly and camply as the nature of each scene dictates. The highlight has to be his oh-so Doctorly speech extolling the merits of human fallibilities and pain; with the caper-esque - and God, I hate that term - method he employs to get Mickey to download the Cyber-nervous-breakdown virus coming a close second. As has so often been said by so many already this season, can you really imagine Eccleston being this assured even if he had signed on for a second term?

Shaun Dingwall’s wasted, isn’t he? Though you’re kinda left thinking that - like Mickey - this won’t be the last time we get to see him this term. And I know this is a parallel world, but the fact we go through the whole ‘Rose bonds with the father she never had’ shtick again can’t fail to bear poor comparison with ‘Father’s Day’. And speaking of feeling cold - as that rather embarrassing Cyber-bride-to-be did - am I alone in feeling completely unmoved at the revelation of Jackie Tyler’s conversion. I mean, had she not been such an unnecessary bitch to Rose in part one - or like Lumic, had she retained her own, modulated voice - then I might have begun to give a shit. But then she didn’t, so I don’t.

So it’s a romp basically. Entertaining enough - and probably one of the best yet for those of us lucky enough to be able to watch the show without getting the critical scalpel out - but a romp nonetheless. There’s certainly enough to please the eye - the CGI-rendered shot of the Cybermen’s conversion process is a marvellous mix of Revenge of the Sith rebirth and a Francis Bacon painting - and there’s enough humour (intentional or otherwise) to keep you amused. For example, the aforementioned Cyber(wo)man’s curtailed nuptials; Mickey and Jake’s Max & Paddy-style drive into the sunset (and I thought Peter Kay was only starring in an episode this season) and of course the Cybermen getting-on-down at their nervous breakdown disco: a site sure to soon grace the dance-floors of conventions up and down the country.

Cyber-factories in seven continents? Mickey keeping Rose’s phone? Yes, this ain’t the last we’re gonna see of Doctor Who’s mirror universe - let’s just hope that it’s not reduced to the equivalent of a trip down the shops like the one in Star Trek. And so farewell, for now, to Mickey: from wheelie-bin fodder to Cyber-bashing, computer whiz-kid in a season and a half. And if you think that’s implausible, just wait for when Rose turns demi-God in the season finale.

Silly me, that would be a step too far, wouldn’t it?

(‘The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts’ has this to say about ‘The Age of Steel’: there’s a deleted scene right at the end which shows Ricky’s Gran tripping over her stair-carpet and breaking her neck, while Mickey and Jake hold hands at the top of Eiffel’s Tower).

Taking The Mickey

Sympathy for, and to some degree caring about a Cyberman, AND a slight tinge of regret at Mickey's departure from the TARDIS crew!  Two things that I certainly didn't expect from one episode of Doctor Who.

Credit to writer Tom MacRae for his handling of the story and for adding those touching moments which altered one's perspective of events.  I don't need to go on about how this story did for the Cybermen what Dalek did for the Daleks - the comparisons between the stories are there for all to see.

MacRae, like Rob Shearman before him, scratched beneath the metallic exterior to ucover the formerly humane  qualities of what became Cybermen; the sad puppy look on the face of that Cyberman was beautifully sad and quite unexpected in what was generally little more than an enjoyable romp.  Suddenly those teardrops at the bottom corners of their eyes meant so much more; their heartfelt sorrow emitted with such force they indented metal.

As was the case last week, Mickey rose to the occasion when given the material with which to do so.  His early efforts were so rubbish that even the wheely bin spat him out. but recently he has been allowed to show some form of character development.  Best employed in those situations where he's needed to 'save the world', Mickey the Idiot's presence in more intellectually challenging stories would mean his taking up more of a spare part role so it was understandable that the character should make his base somewhere or other.  Surely his alien-fighting escapades in partnership with Byker Grove won't bring about yet ANOTHER Doctor Who spin-off, though his future return in some form cannot be ruled out given his links with Rose.

An interesting aside is the fact that in the two stories featuring Pete Tyler, two actors have played the role of Mickey, whilst Noel Clarke has himself played the parts of two characters.

And so to the one huge criticism of what was otherwise a decent two-parter - a criticism which can be laid at the feet of all the previous New Who two-parters.  If there's one thing that is more predictable than the endings of part ones in these situations then it's the total cop-out way in which the Doctor and co. get out of the situation.  Saturday's example took such dross to an embarrassingly new low.  It was an absolute insult to the average adult's intelligence which should surely have disappointed all but the youngest viewership of Totally Doctor Who.

This deus ex machina laziness can only hinder the strength and quality of the programme in the long-term; would you listen to a comedian who builds up stories to a crescendo and then delivers the most bland, unfunny punchline, or keep on buying an artiste's Greatest Hits album when all the songs are the same but only in a different playing order?  The Age Of Steel must surely signal the end of the Age of the Cliffhanger as the present use of this icon of the Doctor Who shebang has become as tired as John Lumic after running a marathon.

Advocates of more two-parters - even those to whom Doctor Who is a revisitation of their childhood - must surely wish to be treated more like adults in these instances, and should consider the probable implications of such changes.  Last Saturday, albeit only by an extra five minutes, showed that Doctor Who needn't be a forty-five minute affair.  Saturday night is not a soap night so the option of flexibility is there.  Starting times have already been shuffled around due to the Corporation's other annual committments, so why not an hour or more for stories that demand a longer telling, or even a shorter episode of say thirty-five minutes if that is all that is required - are the longest records necessarily the best?  Surlely this would be preferable to the same old two-parter formula of slow-quicker-cliffhanger-deus ex machina-action packed with explosions-Doctor saves the day recipe.  Otherwise, how about an element of surprise to the start of part two, otherwise the much-cherished casuals who have been the real driving force behind the recent BAFTA awards and spin-offs will vote with their remote and the causal effect will have the writers wishing they's kept their vast viewership if not quite behind the sofa then at least on the edge of their seats instead of taking the mickey.

I'm writing something vaguely controversial so you might want to look away now ...

One of the problems with being a Doctor Who fan whose been enjoying the series for long enough is that anything new the franchise presents will be filtered through the collected memory of other stories.  One of the strengths of this ongoing history is that it has the capacity to shock, amaze and confuse with its brilliance.  But all too easily it can fall into a pattern, have a hint of trotting out a formula or just simply make the viewer feel slightly disappointed that they haven't seen anything that new.

The Age of Steel is a good episode.  It's by turns exciting, well scripted, funny and scary.  But it also felt, at least to me, like a series of creative decisions based around a need to tell a story a certain way in order to create a particular response in the audience.  In other words, to gave the viewer what they want.  The trouble with this approach is that it means that they aren't challenged -- it's not a case of being predictable necessarily, it's just that the audience expects certain things to happen before they do.

Listening to Tachyon's excellent live podcast is a perfect demonstration.  If you pay close attention to what's being said (and why wouldn't you?), it slowly becomes obvious on too many occasions that Neil and the gang actually say that something might happen and it inevitably does, to their great surprise.  The big one would be at the beginning when some guesses that Ricky would die and Mickey would stay in the alternate dimension.  Granted there had already been some interview fuelled speculation to that effect but still you would expect that by the end of the episode that there would be some shock, jolt, surprise or twist.  Nothing happens (unless the shooting star really is a cyber-attack fleet poised to invade the galaxy as someone on Outpost Gallifrey suggested).  Second example:  Neil, I think says, as Pete, Rose and the Doctor are climbing up the rope towards the zepellin away from the Cyber-leader, that the timelord should pass down his sonic screwdriver and burn through the rope.  And sure enough, seconds later, that's exactly what he does.

I'm not writing this because I hated the episode, I didn't.  It delivered on a number of levels.  I just felt like I wasn't seeing anything new -- it seemed to be an amalgam of successful elements from the first series reorganised -- from the emotional reunion of Rose and her father to the Doctor's big shouty monologue at the end to Mickey saving the day through his computer again to the Cybermen regaining their emotional side (see Dalek) and wierdly enough zepellins, none of which are tropes of the whole series but of the new series in particular.

We've seen that the series still has the capacity to do something exciting and new.  Both The Girl In The Fireplace and Tooth & Claw have proved that.  And this was certainly a more preferable monsters invade London episode than anything with a Slitheen in it (even if you could argue, that story had slightly more memorable characters).  I just feel that somewhere in here the magic was lost and the production team need to be ultra careful not to fall into the trap of other shows of simply taking the audience's taste for granted --  because in the end they're clever enough that they'll notice and become bored.