Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

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School Reunion has so many highlights that it’s hard to do justice to them all. I’m certainly struggling to be my usual irreverent self, that’s for sure. I’d been looking forward to this story more than any other and I still surprised that it was placed so early in the season. If nothing else, it’s going to be pretty damn hard to match this episode for pure emotion and nostalgia (for all the memories the Cybermen may recall).

At the risk of sounding like Paul Whitehouse’s dim witted teen from the Fast Show, nearly everything in this episode was just brilliant. Sarah Jane Smith, now there’s a name that summons up memories from my childhood. As much as Tom Baker was my Doctor, she was my companion and I remember the terrible sadness I felt when the Doctor left her in ‘Croydon’ after being summoned to Gallifrey to stop an assassin so deadly. Now Elisabeth Sladen can finally put to rest her Mum’s Gone To Iceland image and once again adopt her rightful place and the best companion that ever was. This surely was the new series episode for the golden age fans. Yeah sure the kids will love the idea of teachers turning into bats and blowing up the school ala Buffy, but for me, this wasn’t about those explosive and scary moments, it was about reminiscing, about reconciliation and about the value of past friendships. Hold on, sorry I’m starting to sound like a party political broadcast here, I apologise.

This was human interest at its very Doctor Who best. Like the Reapers of Father’s Day and the Autons in Rose, the plot and the Krillitanes were just eye candy, never getting in the way of the wonderful inter play between Sarah Jane and the Doctor, or Sarah Jane and Rose, or Sarah Jane and any damn scene she shared with anyone or was in.

Sladen was superb as “my Sarah Jane”, but not so much from the performance as from the script and her interaction with the Doctor and Rose. I adored the one-upmanship and the fact that the new series doesn’t simply revisit the original show, but it challenges it, forces it to confront the problems that were ignored or swept under the TARDIS carpet. It’s bringing the Doctor and the original series to task, posing adult questions for childhood fans who have grown up with the show and delight in picking each episode apart. And it does this without ever interfering with the virgin audience. It doesn’t matter if new fans have never met her before, it’s all in Tennant’s glorious performance, from the glazing over of the eyes at his first sight of SJS, to the final goodbye. I love these moments in Doctor Who, when you realise that this man for all his regenerations and different character traits, is the same person. He is the Doctor and this is my show, the one I fell in love with all those years ago. It’s partly for this reason that I blubbed like a baby at the end of the episode. I loved K9 as a child, I loved SJS and I loved the series. Those final few minutes transported me back to more innocent times, to being thrilled by a television programme and experiencing the show as only a child can, with wonder, with belief in the events and not the mechanics behind how the programme is made. When the Doctor finally says goodbye to her, it seemed as if he were closing a chapter not only for Sarah Jane, but for the child still within me. Seeing K9 mark IV was just the icing on the cake. It couldn’t have ended on a cynical note. We can’t be allowed to grow up too soon and accept the death of a much loved (and yes, for some much hated) companion, even if he is tin. Will we see them again? Should we? Well I hope so, but perhaps not in Doctor Who… wait a minute, what’s that I hear about a spin-off?

It’s also interesting that Rose seems to be much more on the periphery, not only in this episode but also Tooth and Claw. Rose and the Doctor aren’t stuck together like toffee as in series one and it’s as it should be. This Doctor just doesn’t seem to fancy her as much, and while he gives her that wonderful speech about never growing old, that forced distance is all too apparent. Oh I love this show. It will be interesting to see how the Doctor pushes Rose out in the next episode, especially now that the TARDIS dynamic has been disrupted yet again by poor old Mickey.

Anthony Head was superbly arch and sinister, maintaining a very fine line between ham and evil, overstepping it only when that bad dog was vexing him. Let’s face it, K9 does seem to bring out the very worst (or is that best) in pantomime villainy (see The Ribos Operation). And I don’t care what anyone says, not even RTD. Head was the Master, not the headmaster. Let me live out my fantasy. Of course RTD was playing with our expectations, he likes his games. We’re given two old characters so why not a third for this reunion? He even has Finch stood against the door revealing only the “ad master”. Genius. And did you know that finch is Latin for Master? In fact if you rearrange the letters in Finch, that spell out Chinf which is the first word uttered by Roger Delgado when he was a baby. Strange but oh so true. I also have this notion that if Finch could take part of the Doctor, wouldn’t he be part Time Lord, wouldn’t he grow a beard and wear black a lot?

The story was an enjoyable romp, moving too quickly to highlight any cracks and implausible moments (and I know there were many, as the Sofa reviews testify) but let’s face it, if you start picking away at the minutiae you may as well say that Jaws was a bad film because of the fake shark. It’s amusing to consider that in School Reunion there is a concerted effort to undermine and deride Jamie Oliver’s crusade into banishing chips from the school lunch menu. It seems that all our friendly fried potatoes can do is increase our intelligence – ah, but at what price? OK Jamie maybe you have got a point, although what real harm was it doing to the kids? They got to sit in front of computers all day playing Boggle Extreme.

Sarah Jane Smith I salute you - you and your tin dog. You've made me forget all about New Earth and have set a vert high standard for the rest of the series. You've reminded me that Doctor Who is a magical show and that big boys do cry.

Cock Soup

Sarah Jane Smith returned, dejected, from a particularly unsuccessful support group meeting. It was her idea that, once a month, they all get together in a church basement and help each other out. AA (Assistants Anonymous) is a support group for the human (and the odd alien) flotsam and jetsam discarded companions of the Doctor. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, perhaps it was the fact that Liz Shaw and Jo Stringfellow (nee Jones [nee Grant]) spent the entire meeting bitch-slapping each other. Or perhaps it was the fact that Turlough disappeared off to the toilets with a knit wear catalogue and didn't surface for the rest of the evening. Perhaps the odd atmosphere was generated by an unseen Adric, wandering around the room, wondering why no-one was talking to him. Adric has never seen The Sixth Sense...

School Reunion

So. It's Doctor Who does Highlander. But without the bangin' Queen soundtrack and the irrelevant, but compulsory, shagging scene. All that "you can grow old with me, but I can't grow old with you" was straight out of the first film of the increasingly desperate franchise. Highlander with a bleedin' dog. I’m saddened that my only reaction to him is vitriolic in the extreme. I’m equally saddened that Murray Gold didn’t try to work in the all time classic K9 & Company theme music into his score.

Casting an electron microscope over the episode reveals the existence of something approaching plot, although it was enough to keep things ticking along nicely. Just don’t attempt to analyze it too carefully otherwise you might go funny in the head. Things like why on earth is she driving around with a knackered K9 in her boot just didn’t make sense. But perhaps this is why she got rid of that awful Mini Metro, because the boot just wasn’t big enough to cope.

Tony Head was superb as ever, “I’ve just moved in next door and I’ve run clean out of human flesh to guzzle”. Probably the best Frank’n’Furter I’ve never seen. The showdown scene in the swimming pool was filled with just the right level of menace to make you want to shit your spine out through your quivering bum hole. It’s a pity he wasn’t playing the Master (as a thousand fan wank dreams are shattered) but they did, at least, have a little giggle to themselves with the sign on his office door.

The showdown scene was one of three great double acts: Rose and Sarah Jane; Mickey and the tin dog. And lots of great interaction as Rose sees her future (and has a game of Who Top Trumps with SJS in the process) and Mickey realizes his!

The bigger questions were, as always, left unasked...

Like where did a British comprehensive school get that much computing equipment from? Perhaps the Krillitanes first evil scheme centered around spending as much money at Tescos as possible to save up all those Computers for Schools vouchers. And why didn’t they kill Kenny, then we could have all shouted… The lad who played Kenny was on Totally Doctor Who this week, he actually seems like he’s about 36 years old.

And as for the Doctor being with-it, with his knowledge of happy slappy hoodies surely he’s also known that in this day and age that any child being able to spell physics, let alone knowing the value of a fractal division of imaginary quantum particles after it had been shot round a particle accelerator (or what ever it was he was asking) would have been sufficient evidence that there was something seriously wrong with these kids.

The Doctor spends the first part of the episode like a kid at a Who convention, meeting all these people he’s known for years. I’m surprise that he didn’t immediately whip out his vinyl LP of The Pescatons and ask Liz Sladen to sign it for him.

The one problem I’m beginning to have with all this is the relationship between Rose and the Doctor. It’s all starting to go a little Eighth Doctor/Charley on me. Perhaps I worry too much…

The Bumper Book of Made-up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about School Reunion: David Brierly actually made his Who comeback in this episode too, as the voice of Mickey Smith.

Friends Reunited

Almost didn't make it this week !

What would you do if YOU were a nine hundred year old alien with an almost infinite lifespan? Would you keep your "mortal" loved ones and friends around you, slowly watching them succumb to the ravages of old age until they died? Or would you take the Doctor's option and move on, leaving those you cared for behind in the prime of their life and always still alive in your memories? It's a difficult choice.

Even here in the mundane world, we all have had the experience of swearing we would keep in touch with a close friend, but, as the years rolled by, found we never actually did.

And it's a sense of the past - of loss and unfulfilled promise and longed-for opportunity's that pervades this episode of the new series. The point where Tennant's Doctor is first introduced to Sarah Jane is my favourite so far from his few stories. That goofy grin embodies all the same emotions I would have if I bumped into someone from my own past. The feelings he clearly shows of being nervous and excited and shy and happy all at the same time are just perfect and it's obvious from the outset that he cared deeply for Miss SJ Smith.

When Sarah discovers that this mysterious new teacher really IS the Doctor, her reactions are just as true. Was it my fault? What did I do wrong? Why didn't you come back? Liz Sladen has never really been away from the role of Sarah Jane, even when she wasn't on TV and it shows. I really can't fault her acting. The slight over theatrical edge has gone and we are left with a measured, real performance of someone who has moved on in some ways but at the same time never got over the first great love of her life. After all, who COULD compare to the Doctor?

For Rose, it's almost the opposite emotion. Here is the stark and painful realisation that you are NOT the first, you are NOT the only one - and even if you were, this guy is an alien and obviously doesn't think the same way you do. Rose needs this wake-up call to dampen down her cockiness. She was tolerable this week and I for one am glad Mickey "the Tin Dog" is aboard the TARDIS now - it's going to be an interesting dynamic.

Oh and there was a plot too amongst all this enjoyable emotional angst? Sure there was. It was a tasty bit of hokum about using kids as super computers and discovering the equation of matter control - hardly Shakespeare, but totally acceptable as a backdrop to the real meat of the story.

Tony Head gave a truly creepy performance as the leader of the Krillitanes. This is an actor who can turn his hand to anything. Bookish librarian, suave coffee man next door (even a trans-sexual from the planet Transylvania for any Rocky Horror fans like me) and now a slimy, hair-slicked-back conqueror of worlds. The standoff between him and the Doctor across the swimming pool could've come straight out of Once Upon A Time In The West - just replace Murray Gold's music with the classic theme by Ennio Morricone. I'm hoping we haven't seen the last of Mr Finch.

(By the way, ASH has performed with another Doctor Who actor prior to this - he was in a short-run play I went to see in the West End last year as the drunk best friend of Richard E Grant. It was great to see those two up really close and acting their socks off.).

I could waffle on about the great use of K-9, the pitch perfect goodbye to Sarah Jane which brought tears to my eyes, etc , etc - but this review is far too late and others have done it better already. Instead I will comment on a few random things which popped into my head whilst watching the episode:

• Is the new Doctor's catchphrase actually just going to be a bad case of verbal diarrhoea? The whole "Physics, physics, physics..." thing at the start just went on far far too long. I was left screaming at the screen "You've only got 45 minutes, get a bloody move on!". It came up last week too with the "I like my thumb..." bit as they walked out of the TARDIS. It's not funny and it's not clever and I hate it.
• Just how did K-9 get out of the car once Mickey had crashed it through the school gates? First he's stuck in the back seat giving advice and then suddenly he appears to save the day. What did I miss?
• So the Krillitanes explode when hit by the oil do they? If not how do you explain the school blowing up at the end (apart from the excuse for a cool effects shot)?
• Does the Doctor have a room in the TARDIS full of replacement K-9's? He whipped up a replacement pretty damn quick otherwise.

In the end, this was a great episode with some stellar performances and real closure on a decades-old partnership. We can only hope that the rest of the Doctor's rich history is treated with as much respect.

We all have our own Sarah Jane's. Would you want to meet yours again?

The Ex-Factor

I must admit that I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this episode when it was announced. I have bad memories of K9 & Company and I just thought that it would probably be more like a retread of that.

I also wasn’t sure whether bringing back, not just one, but two, former companions of the Doctor would be such a good idea only two series in to the revamped series.

Yes, they had Daleks and Autons in the previous season but they were just monsters. It is different bringing back characters rather than just monsters and sometimes there is not a good enough reason to have them there. They are just in there as a nod to the fans, but the general public who may have never seen the series before are going to be none the wiser. Step forward the Brigadier in Mawdryn Undead.

However, with this episode there was enough of a reason to warrant having Sarah Jane back in the series and it didn’t feel like she was just put in there as an afterthought. I am not sure about K9 however. There was very little reason for K9 to be there, if I am being honest, but it was nice to see him back. Not too sure what the kids who had never seen K9 before would have thought but, as a fan, it was a nice touch.

Now, for an episode that was written by someone who was not a self confessed fan there was a lot of references to the series past which will either confuse the hell of the average viewer or just pass them by as a bit of background on Sarah’s character.

Some of it was quite good and wasn’t too gratuitous (Sarah saying that she wasn’t in fact dropped off in South Croydon but in Aberdeen; the rather bitchy exchange of what monsters they had encountered between Rose and Sarah).

The plot was quite good and pretty inventive even if the school itself was a little to perfect to believe (for instance how the hell did both Rose and the Doctor manage to get a job in a school so quickly? I mean you have to get through all those checks with the CRB first? I am sure it would take a little more than a quick flash of the psychic paper. And if it doesn’t I could really do with some of that pronto.),

I mean a school with a full set of computers in every classroom (god I don’t envy the technician in that school), which can also get turned off simply by switching a plug socket off. Please.

Another reason why the school was to good to believe was that the school dinners were free, and that the children were being actively encourage to eat chips, chips and more chips (I always knew that chips were good for you!). What would Jamie Oliver think?

I did think that the Doctor was a little bit sidelined in this adventure what with having Rose, Mickey, Sarah and K9 present. I know that was something that people had a problem with last season but here the Doctor is rather ineffectual and doesn’t save the day, ok he is quite instrumental in it but it isn’t him who actually does the saving. In this case it was K9.

I also felt that Tennant was completely out acted by Anthony Head, most notably in that confrontation scene near the swimming pool. There was no doubt about who was in control in that scene and it wasn’t the Doctor. Just watch Anthony Head in this scene and he is just simply perfect. Watching it I did feel that Tennant’s was dwarfed in this scene.

To be honest the rest of the guest cast in this story apart from Sarah and K9 really had little to do and were left with little more than cameo appearances.

The only performance of a teacher of any note was that of Eugene Washington who was suitably menacing throughout.

After the reference to Balamory last week I was quite amused when one of the children in the school was called Milo. I half expected a Jake, Fizz and Bella to be present also.

It was also nice to see that it was the chubby kid who was the hero of the piece, and he was the only one who wasn’t eating the chips.

One of the major things that I want to know after watching that episode is this: has Sarah been driving around with K9 in the boot of her car ever since he broke down? If so, why? It would be rather a strange thing for her to do, I would have thought.

James Hawes’ direction was very good and there were some really good moments such as the bit when Sarah ran through the doors and saw the TARDIS then retreated back into another room, where a pull back shot revealed the Doctor. That was a good scene as was the confrontation between the Doctor and Finch near the swimming pool.

Elisabeth Sladen slipped effortlessly back into her role as though she had never been away. She even looks great. She is 58 for heavens sake! Older than my mother! I am sure that is wrong somehow.

Anthony Head was excellent in this episode and oozed malevolence from the moment he first appeared in this episode. That is how a Doctor Who baddie should behave and, also, how a headmaster should be. Aren’t you supposed to be scared of your headmaster? If I were a pupil at that school I certainly would be!

I am still a little unsure of David Tennant after this episode. Sure he was good enough and was a lot more settled in the role and wasn’t as flippant as he was last week but there is still something about him as the Doctor that I just don’t get. I think it is that he just doesn’t have that much of a screen presence and opposite certain actors (for example Anthony Head) he doesn’t seem to have the upper hand, which the Doctor really should do.

In the scene when he first meets Sarah it was like watching a fan meeting Elisabeth Sladen rather than the Doctor meeting a former companion. I half expected him to ask her to sign his entire Target novelisation collection.

It was nice to, for once, show the effect the Doctor has on somebody’s life and how they cope in real life after travelling with the Doctor. Apart from a couple of the books this has never really been explored before and it was very well handled as was the jealously of Rose as she came to terms with the fact that there was someone else who had known the Doctor like she did.

Also did anyone notice Rose’s face at the end when the Doctor said Mickey could travel with him or her? I am sure she mouthed ‘no’ to the Doctor. Or perhaps I just imagined that.

The episode was very enjoyable by all accounts and was quite poignant in places most notably in the closing scenes between Sarah and the Doctor.

Out of the episodes shown show far I would rate this one as second best of the season so far. It was great for the fans but I am not too sure what someone who had never seen the show before would have made of all the continuity references.

 

That puppy in the window there

So how to sum up why this is so brilliant in under 30 minutes... Thanks to another Sunday of filming (over-schedule and budget) all the big issues have been thrashed out, and a sect of Anthony Head admirers has emerged - and mmmmm, can you blame them? Anyway this is clearly all about Sarah Jane Smith...or is it?

Because, not for the first time, the different generations are given separate perspectives. Due to a temporal quirk I should be on Rose's side, but UKTV and Entertain 2 came to the rescue and, for the purposes of argument, I 'remember' the good old days. Rather than any kind of structured prose here's a shambolic mishmash.

• As SJS sees the TARDIS again, then sees the Doctor looking splendid and scary in a shaft of light.
• Mr Finch's stylish foot-slide.
• The face-off across the pool.
• The Anthony Head-tilt.
• SJS not being a sycophant and actually berating the Doctor for leaving her.
• The far more alien performance David Tennant puts in, where the other episodes largely forgot about the Timewar, here's he's vulnerable and incredibly different, the way it should be.
• Rose's realization that she isn't special.
• A slight burp gag as Mr Finch secures the school, (OK, not a highlight but no one else mentioned it).
• K9 spinning and shooting and not being a typical smart-arse.
• Rose mouthing "no" as Mickey forces himself aboard.
• The beautiful goodbye scene.

And pretty much everything else. It's not about the plot, which is best left to quietly make squashy noises in the background, but a) how Sarah coped with being left behind, b) how long Rose will be aboard and quite what the consequences for her are. If you want the meaningless plot with a couple of clichees for characters, and not real people and a point, then go elsewhere, probably New Earth. Tooth and Claw had the plot (but was much more than the above description, which is more of films in general) but I'd much rather have this, and yes, I sobbed like a little girl who's puppy died 20 minutes after getting it.

The only buggers: Mickey's along for the next couple of episodes (AARRGGHH!) and K9 and Company is obviously now canon.

The Tachyon TV Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about the writer of School Reunion: Toby Whithouse is secretly a hardcore fan of the series, owning every VHS released, (except The Twin Dilemma) a subscription to the Big Finish Audio spin-off "Adric Adventures" and regularly attends Dimensions in Time under the pseudonym "Gradey". His favourite Doctor is Peter Cushing.

See Me

Tachyon TV is proud to present an exclusive TARDISode set immediately before the events of School Reunion:

INT: The Krillitane Homeworld The Royal Palace is busy with worker Krillitanes converting really, really tall doorways into really, really wide doorways so they can fit their new wings through them. An agitated foreman can be heard muttering: "I'd wish they'd make their bloody minds up".

We pan slowly towards a large table where a meeting is taking place between the Krillitane King (played by some CGI and voiced by Nicholas Briggs) and a Krillitane War General (who is played by that bloke who used to be in the Gold Blend adverts).

King: How go our plans for universal domination, Brother?

General: Not bad, your Majesty. I'm currently looking at another way to crack the Skasis Equation so we can become Gods. I now believe that -

King: Oh, for the love of Krill! It's a load of old bollocks! You can't become an omnipotent being by beating a bloody computer game - how many more times must I tell you this??

General: But that beardy bloke from Logopolis swore blind -

King: He was having a laugh, you idiot! Now concentrate your efforts on destroying the Quarks; I can't wait to have legs made from Lego and some new pointy bits on my bum.

The foreman sighs loudly in the background.

General: But this time my plan can not fail, your Majesty! This time we'll take over a small comprehensive school on an insignificant planet called (in his best Peter Wyngarde voice) Earth...

King: Right...

General: We will feed the children copious quantities of our oil -

King: Would that be the same oil we're allergic to?

General: Yeah. You'd have though we'd have cracked that by now, wouldn't you? It's a right pain in the arse.

King: Tell me about it! It happened after our first planetary conquest you know, when we decimated a race of hominids who were allergic to their own sweat. They weren't much cop to be fair. Especially on sunny days.

General: Anyway, we'll feed the young children the oil and this will make them a) pass an upcoming OFSTED inspection and b) this bit is obscured by a Murray Gold sting.

King: But why use children? Why not scientists and mathematicians?

General: We'll need the children's souls to crack the code, your Majesty. Only a child's imagination can decipher the hidden meanings contained within the numbers. It says so on the back of the box. Plus, the code looks a lot like something called Tetris, a game that earth children simply can't get enough of. Our technicians are porting the Skasis Equation to the XBox 360 as we speak. (The King is shaking his head in despair but the General remains unperturbed). I'll need a crack team to infiltrate the school, of course.

King: You'll need some humanoid Krillitanes, I take it?

General: Nah, just some of the regular man-eating bats will do. I'm sure they'll blend in just fine. A dozen troops should be more than sufficient - just as long as they can cook chips or are familiar with the work of Jane Austen; Emma is on the A-level English Literature syllabus, I believe.

King: Very well. But this is your last chance, General.

General: Don't worry, your Majesty, I won't let you down.

King: Just make sure you aren't detected when you arrive on the planet.

General: (hurt) Do I look stupid?

We now return to our scheduled programming:

OK, so the plot is a stinker. The logic is flawed to the point of surrealism and it makes me question RTD's opening statement in this week's Confidential where he proudly boasted that this episode doesn't just revolve about the return of two icons from the show's past - it all starts with a good story. Pull the other one, Russell!

If, like me, you watched this episode last Saturday and you blubbed your eyes out and you felt those shivers running down your spine, then don't watch it again. Trust me on this. Savour the emotion of the moment and don't get caught up in the crap that surrounds it.

It didn't really bother me the first time round. I mean come on, it's K9! And Sarah Jane Smith! They could have set the whole episode in a chip shop and I still would have forgiven them. And I do.

OK, so the spin-off novels are now categorically non-canon and it makes The Five Doctors even more of a mess than it already is, but it was all worth it just to see Liz Sladen again. I admit it,  I cried. It touched me on a fundamental level (that probably has everything to do with my age) via some truly beautiful moments: Sarah stumbling on the low-angle TARDIS, the achingly sad "what did I do wrong?" line, K9's self-sacrifice, the final goodbye. Pure fanwank. Pure bliss.

The rest of it is just a blur of strangely familiar CGI (mini-reapers anyone?), corridor sprinting and a plot that defies belief at each and every turn. I'd list all the problems with it but a) I don't have enough bandwidth and b) I just want to remember the good times. Maybe this episode effected me more deeply than I first suspected?

But I can't leave without stating the bleeding obvious: Anthony Head is utterly wasted. It's a crying shame that he didn't turn out to be the Master; he's just too good to be sidelined like this. His Sergio Leone stand-off with the Doctor is a genuine SJS-free highlight, but how can you take a villain seriously when he gets approx 10 mins of screen time? And a naff plan? He does get the best line of the series so far, though: "Forget the shooty dog thing!"

Tennant and Piper are great (as usual) and Noel Clarke's Mickey is threatening to become truly likable all of a sudden. I was even happy to see him joining the TARDIS crew - it actually wiped that smug look from Rose's face for a split second. Trouble's brewing...

But the episode belongs to Sarah and K9. Off to fight druid covens in the Home Counties again. All together now - awwwwww....

Final marks:

Plot: 2/10
Characterisation: 9/10
Execution: 6/10
Bibliography: 8/10 (marks off for not including the novels or the 20th anniversary special)

Plus an extra point for including a song by Joy Division.

Anyone got a calculator?

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about 'School Reunion': this episode will come with an exclusive box of Who-branded tissues when it's released on DVD in June.

This Show Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us!

Doctor Who fanatics...those of you who've watched every single episode since the very first one (Rose)...meet Sarah Jane Smith!

Here begineth today's lesson.  Sarah Jane was surely the Doctor's most iconic assistant.  Her job description entailed asking the questions viewers wanted to ask, looking much-too-nice to be doing something in places like far-off dangerous planets, being handicapped by a restrictive dress, being a damsel-in-distress facing certain death at the end of the legendary cliffhangers (ask your elders about 'cliffhangers'), and of course, screaming.  Her development as an individual would be minimal and her family ties unknown.  These were the halcyon days of Doctor Who, where the show's title - like Cuprinol - was all about what it said on the box.  And Sarah Jane Smith was perfect.

The idea of bringing her back for one episode was thus a delicious concept and the most eagerly anticipated story this series so far.  One for the fans indeed!  Suddenly it felt like the old days again.  Only the cold wind and rain sheeting against the windows on a dark November night were missing - sorry, but Doctor Who should always start its run in Octoberish to add to the moodiness of the atmosphere and not at sunny Easter time - the inclement weather alone would surely add more viewers.

The moment when Sarah Jane encountered the TARDIS for the first time (looking its most resplendent and handsome in New Who history by the way) was comfortably the most spine-tingling moment of the series so far, a point of realisation that 'The One' had finally returned, albeit regenerated.  Whilst the rest could only possibly be downhill from then on, the remainder of SJS's all-too-brief stay was very entertaining.

As will be explained later, this was an episode where the individual parts were often very memorable but somehow the composite whole was less than the sum of those parts.  The Doctor's recreation of one of film's greatest scenes (Damien: Omen 2) with Mylo (surely the coolest-named geek ever - Miles would have suited him Miles better) was a tasty aside to the main dish to name one incident.  But the real issue at hand was the meeting of the ex and the current plus-one.

No matter how in-your-face the hard sell, I just cannot get myself to like Rose Tyler.  It's the everything with her - the family baggage, the clothes, the bitchy possessive attitude and the very fact that the danger remains that she may be taking over the show.  Like Sean Penn circa-1985, David Tennant - who already fits the Doctor role far more comfortably than Chris Eccleston ever managed - is nontheless in danger of being tagged Mister Rose Tyler because of the constant over-egging of her role within the programme.

I was thus rooting for the older woman throughout their all-too-brief verbal catfight and was disappointed that they made-up so quickly and easily.  How much better if Rose had acquired a long-term rival for the Doctor's affections to keep her on her toes?  Lis Sladen could have been brought back every so often to torment the young upstart beyond what any alien fiend could do.  What a wonderful side-issue that would have been as opposed to the Jackie/Mickey rubbish and would have fitted in beautifully with Russell T Davies' soapified modern Doctor Who ideal.  What televisual paradise lost!

Instead, they became pals all-too-soon to join forces against the common enemy - this week's monsters.  If I'd encountered an old friend I'd not seen for thirty years I would certainly have foregone that evening's chores and gone out to the pub with them for a long catch-up.  Sarah Jane Smith's return demanded at the very least forty-five minutes of such 'pub time' and more of those wonderfully nostalgic chats comparing former foes - her mention of the awfully made anti-matter monster from The Planet Of Evil was surely a subliminal nod to how much better (sic) New Who monsters are - as well as the Doctor's (or should that be Doctors') mannerisms.   

But no, thus far nobody has dared to stray from the safehouse of television's workings and actually produce a monster-free episode which would surely have a positive less-is-more impact upon the series.  Instead we had to endure this week's CGI corridor creepers (Number Ten, Torchwood Manor, the School...yawn!) headed (geddit!) by Anthony Headmaster.  A plot which was better done, admittedly due to the allowance of time, by CBBC's The Demon Headmaster some years ago and played far more menacingly and less theatrically by Jack Straw, this week was always going to be all about Sarah Jane Smith and the forty-five minute one-off format simply didn't allow for either Sladen's nor Headmaster's characters' further development.  It seems unfair to say it but these were instantly forgettable foes (discards from the cyber bin post Father's Day even) who were killed off by Sarah Jane's very hogging of their fifteen minutes of infamy.

Yeah okay, and by K-9 as well!  Very wary of his appearance beforehand, I kinda warmed to him a little throughout the episode but was nontheless pleased to see him go by the end - a fleeting cameo appearance reminiscent of fellow early-eighties BBC icon Jimmy Savil's visit to the Celebrity Big Brother house in January.  Like Scrappy Doo to Scoobie and Godzookie to Godzilla, I always found K-9 to be an unnecessary hanger-on to the Doctor's posse.

Which brings me lastly and leastly to Mickey and his entry on board the TARDIS - a presence akin to the proverbial fart in a spacesuit.  Made to feel less than welcome by his barely believable partner Rose (the one moment where I both empathised and sympathised with her), theirs is truly television's most unhappening relationship.  The urban spaceman duly boarded the magical mystery tour at his own invitation.  Perhaps having Mickey on the inside pissing out is preferable to his being on the outside pissing in, but I can't help feeling that in the long-term this TARDIS ain't big enough for the both of them.

Boys Don't Cry

School Reunion is a pretty rubbish Doctor Who story. It is, however, also a great episode of Doctor Who.

It’s a rubbish story because… Well, come on. Oh, it’s the oil all of a sudden! They’re actually allergic to it! Oh, they’re trying to crack the daft-sounding sci-fi equation thing, oh no! Oh look, the ugly fat kid has set off the fire alarm and managed to save everybody! Aw, the cute tin dog is going to trundle in with his laser beam and save the day too.

It’s Children’s BBC territory, and compared to Tooth and Claw, the plot of which seemed to flow naturally and easily – or even to New Earth – it appeared distinctly amateurish in new series terms, and Toby Whithouse is going to have to buck his ideas up if he gets the chance to write for the show again, when he is unprotected by being able to use two of its icons to cover the damage. Let’s hope his forthcoming episode of Torchwood – the organisation which got another throwaway mention here – allows him to flex his plotting muscles a little more effectively.

Perhaps the CBBC feel was added to by the school setting, which given the use of computers to control the students particularly evoked memories of his 1991 CBBC serial Dark Season. Not that that’s a bad thing, as a bit of nostalgia and evocation of other productions has never hurt the series, and the school setting probably also worked well for the current child and teenage audience, who would have enjoyed the identification factor of seeing the Doctor at work in a school just like theirs. Mind you, that’s no excuse for “Kenny blew up the school!” Yeuch.

However, I am being picky and pedantic, I know, because when it comes down to it School Reunion was no more about the Krillitane plot to crack the thingamajig paradigm than Rose was about the third invasion of Earth by the Nestene Consciousness. Like Rose, this was a vehicle for bringing a companion aboard, albeit only for one episode, but unlike the new series debut she wasn’t somebody new being introduced to both the Doctor and the audience.

This was the return of Sarah Jane Smith. Hurrah!

We all knew it was coming, of course. We’d seen the previews and the press features and the magazine articles. We’d seen various clips in the trailers and support shows, but still, that scene where the Doctor was introduced to Sarah in the staff room, and the look on his face as he recognises her… It was magical. Tennant’s portrayal of the Doctor’s delight as he speaks to Sarah – “Good for you, Sarah Jane Smith!” – is utterly infectious, and this is why it’s a great episode of Doctor Who.

Toby Whithouse has been very keen to point out in just about every interview he’s done about the series that unlike most of the other writers working on the show, he’s not a huge fan of the original Doctor Who. He thinks that this helped when he was given the Sarah – K9 episode, as he was less intimidated by having to write for the icons of the series. Now firstly, I think this is bollocks – Shearman managed to write for the Daleks without collapsing into a puddle on the floor, and everyone else has managed to pen effective episodes featuring the Doctor, the TARDIS etc without having nervous breakdowns at the sheer excitement of it all.

Secondly, it seems odd because there are so many little fanboy touches, “kisses to the past” as our old friend Philip Segal used to call them, that it seems impossible to believe Russell T Davies didn’t have a hand in penning many of the scenes featuring the Doctor and Sarah. It’s insulting, I know, to suggest that any of the good bits in the guest writers’ episodes were written by the showrunner, but it does seem that last year the only scripts Davies left pretty much untouched were Moffat’s episodes, and Elisabeth Sladen herself has said in interviews that Davies “sprinkled his gold dust” across the episode.

But whoever wrote the thing, which is pretty unimportant at the end of the day when you simply have to consider what ended up on screen, did a bloody good job with Sarah’s scenes. Nearly all of them bring a lump to the throat in some way or another – “I thought you’d died!” “Did I do something wrong?” “Say goodbye this time…” It’s pretty damn affecting stuff, and not the kind of emotional punch you usually expect from an episode of Doctor Who, even in the new series. The ending, as Sarah turns down another spin in the TARDIS and gets a final farewell hug from the Doctor before trundling off with her new K9 was just… Aw!

I don’t know how much all of this would have registered with new fans, although on Saturday evening I did by chance watch the episode for a second time in the company of some other people, one of whom was a woman who said she’d never seen any of the classic series and thus didn’t know who Sarah was. She seemed to find it pretty moving, so it does perhaps work on that level for new viewers as well as old, which has to be commended as there must have been a worry that this episode would do nothing for purely new series followers.

I do have to say though that the one aspect of Sarah’s return I didn’t think fired on all cylinders was her initially antagonistic relationship with Rose. It seemed a bit forced, especially the shouting match of monsters they’d encountered which had looked so good in the BBCi three-minute preview, and their making up all seemed a bit rapid, although the sheer speed at which everything went by was a factor across the episode. You also have to wonder why Rose was so keen to offer Sarah a place back aboard the TARDIS at the end of the episode, but seemed a bit pissed off when Mickey finally decided to join up.

Sarah wasn’t the only character returning though, as we also got the reappearance of K9. I’m not a massive fan of the silly tin dog, although then again I don’t despise the creature as others do either. I’m fairly ambivalent towards him, although I will accept he got some nice moments in his brief appearances in the episode, and his final – or not so final, depending on how you look at it – sacrifice to destroy the Krillitane was nicely handled and doubtless spilled some tears amongst the younger viewers.

You have to feel a bit sorry for Anthony Head as Mr Finch, as in any other week he’d be the major guest star of the episode, but here he and his character rather got buried under the return of Sladen as Sarah Jane. He was perfectly fine as the smooth villain, and his scenes with Tennant were very good, but on the whole he was pretty much overshadowed by everything else that was going on. Tennant himself was on sparkling form in most of the episode, with only his embarrassing “correct-a-mundo” scene in the classroom bringing the Doctor’s character down a notch this week for me. He more than made up for it though both with his scenes with Sarah, and with his explanation to Rose of why he had to leave his companions behind, because they age and die and he just regenerates. It’s an issue we’ve not seen the show confront before, and Tennant delivered the lines excellently.

You wouldn’t want them to sacrifice plot and other supporting characters purely to bring back old series elements every week, but as a one-off emotional and nostalgic punch it worked very well indeed, and I certainly wouldn’t lose this episode from the run for anything. It’s so sad to finally say goodbye to Sarah Jane Smith from the Doctor’s life, but nice that he finally got to fulfil that long-ago made promise of “until we meet again.” Wonderful stuff.

But no, I didn’t cry. That would be silly. This is, at the end of the day, only Doctor Who, and it’s not that type of series.

Prophecy 3: The wait is over.

I didn't like it.

As you'll see, I've taken to summarising my feelings towards each episode in the first line. Now, to explain. It should have been so much better. The pace seemed wrong. For the first time James Hawes has produced some shoddy direction. He was just going wild with those slanted camera angles. Where was the introduction to K9? Ok, so he was there. That was it. When he first started to speak, it should have been a great moment, but NOOOO it cut straight to an outside POV (Point of View) shot.

And what's with all the POV shots anyway? I'm getting sick of all of these. It was completely unneccessary. We had the spider POV shot in New Earth, the Werewolf POV shot last week, and now a Krillitane POV shot. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Sorry about that, anyway... The main point is that I didn't like what they were saying about Sarah Jane, saying that she had just been waiting around for 30 years. This for three reasons:
1) She is a strong person. I don't believe that she would have just waited around for the Doctor.
2) When we saw her in K9 and Co, and in The Five Doctors, she was fine.
3) I hate the idea that she was waiting around, unable to get on with her life without the Doctor. Sarah Jane was one of my favourite characters, and the thought that her life became nothing without the Doctor makes me cringe. I wanted her to get on with her life, to get married, have the Grandkids that the Doctor spoke of. I wanted her life to be something.

Also, the Doctor hardly ever called her "Sarah Jane", it was almost always just "Sarah". And why is K9 in the boot of Sarah Jane's car? Just on the off-chance? And what was with MG's score? It was all over the place! Comic? Solemn? Serious? Romantic? Terrifying? Sad? What was it meant to be?

I think it's a great shame that a script with so many wonderful scenes should be poorly put together. I loved the bit between the Doctor and Rose about how "humans decay", and I was just hoping that Rose would say "Screw you, I'm going off with Mickey!", and finally she'd be off the show forever!!! I did like the idea that the Doctor had left a large hole in Sarah's life, but it still shouldn't have stopped her getting married to someone else. Then the Goodbye scene, which was wonderful. Plus all the nods to classic, like saying that he dropped her off in Aberdeen (carrying on from her original goodbye), as well as the Loch Ness Monster. But surely, when Rose said she'd met the Dalek Emperor, Sarah could have countered with "Met the creator". But still, some very good bits. However, I didn't like the "catfight" between Rose and Sarah Jane. I thought it was silly. I didn't like that Mickey was joking about Rose being the Doctor's Missus, considering how Mickey feels for Rose.

Running out of things to say now, but the bottom line is I didn't like it. David Tennant was superb as always, Elisabeth Sladen was fantastic as ever, Billie Piper was irritating as hell, and Noel Clarke was loveable as the Andrex Puppy. Oh, and K9 was metal. As, ermm... a tin can. But I love him anyway.

So, was my Prophecy correct? I said "A bit idiotic mostly, somewhat disappointing until the last 10-15 minutes where it's pretty good television."
Now I say "Disappointing, except for the odd 5 minutes of hard drama. Unfortunately idiotic at times." What a shame. Toby Whithouse, here is your school report:

"Must do better. Tries too hard. Some good imagination, but fails to apply it properly. D+."

6/10. Sorry Sarah, looks like you've had it.

How a Girl watches Who.

Omg omg! Unicorns! Kittens! It's BuffyMeetsDoctorWho: The Liveblog!

00:00 Giles! It's Giles. My Giles. Deliciously EVIL Giles! Deliciously HUNGRY Evil Giles. I've missed you, Giles. :) Kiss kiss! Smooch smooch.

01:05 "Good Morning, Class" It's Herr Professor Doktor!!! HELLO DOCTOR!

01:10 Credits. Always love the credits. Great credits.

02:03 Back to Docten, looking adorable. And "Correctomundo" adorable overload. Yumdocten.

03:00 Plot happens. Rose meets her true calling: Lunch Lady.

04:00 Is it me? Or is that she-who-has-been-eaten-by-Giles? Getting extra, um, "tutoring"? So was she eaten or not?

04:49 Doctor/Giles eye contact. Ho yay.

05:15 Mickey/Rose. Is it over YET? Oh good. Toxic poisoning. V. nice. I *love* the "she does that" line. I'm so loving this episode.

06:10 Children learn from character entity references. The bad dudes must be breeding the sysops of the future. (A little embarrassing, but far less awful than the Mickey/Rose scene.)  Great atmosphere. This cannot POSSIBLY be RTD. I skip back to the credits. Sure 'nuf. It's written by "Toby Whithouse". Go Toby!

06:50 Nice shot showing just how many children are under special tutelage. Fantastic.

07:00 It's SARAH JANE!!!! And she's a journalist, not a teacher. Yes!

10:00 Gag with the computer screen lizard and the computer teacher. Brilliant *and* menacing.

10:20 Hellmouth High.

11:17 Wooden or plastic? Wooden or plastic?

11:45 Sarah Jane can still do scared companion. She and Harry were...ahem...my first. Companions, that is. I still miss them. And I had the biggest crush on Harry.

12:12 Best. Tardis. Reveal. Ever. I would have sworn she was going into the headmaster's office, not the basement.

13:40 Girlfriend bitchfight #1. Yes!

14:02 Okay. Let's drop Rose and make Mickey the companion. Foreshadowing? I loved the interaction. Girflriend bitchfight #2.

15:08 Oh. MASSIVELY cool! Bat-teachers! Just hangin' around.

15:44 K9. It cannot, I repeat, cannot get better than this.

16:25 Monster across the moon. It just did.

17:00 "Go easy on the chips". This *has* got to be a plot line. It's too perfect otherwise.

18:00 Finally. A companion gives what for. Go Sarah Jane!

18:58 Giles sits down on the ledge and steals the scene. Giles, my Giles.

20:40 Mickey: "Oh my god. I'm the tin dog." Update: Wooden or plastic or tin?

21:30 Whoa. Docinsight into semi-immortality. Whoa.

22:40 "leave the window open a crack", "not for him". *snerk*

24:30 "I used to have so much mercy." Time to pause the TV and cool down for a few minutes. Giles' headtilt? Swoon.

25:00 Mickey & K9. Whoa. Toby W. can even write well for Mickey.

26:00 "The. Loch Ness. Monster!" ROFL! "Stop it!!!" ROFL-er!!!

Another pause. Is it me, or is Giles setting up the best hostage situation ever? But what would an aggressive race with Timelord genes do? Oh! The possible drama. Reaching out now to press "Play".

28:00 Dramatic music. Dramatic Character Entity tables and random Unicode text. Rockin'.

31:00 Not just the children's brains. "They're using their souls." Does that mean that Spike or Angel will....Oh never mind. And just like that (imagine snapped fingers), the real seduction begins. Nifty.

33:00 Keening. Morphing. Keen morph! And the black teacher becomes the only bat-of-color, the others being more traditional psychotic English bat-creatures. Right.

34:10 K9. Zap zap zap.

35:22: Giles shows mastery of plasterboard. Truly, he is a worthy adversary.

37:10: I love K9. I have always loved K9. Good dog.

40:00: No! Come along Sarah Jane. Please? No? Um, Mickey? Urgh, okay... Let's see how it goes. "Some things are worth getting your heart broken for." Oh man. Where Are The Kleenex? *sniffle*

41:30 "Tough act to follow". Nooooooo! "My Sarah Jane". *weep, weep*. Need more kleenex. Sniffle-er.

What a perfect episode. And K9. Regenerated. I. Loved. This. Show. If only the Giles/Doctor standoff had a bit more meat and a lot less running, shouting and shooting. It should have been a seduction, not a gunfight.