Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

Walk Like An Egyptian

There's a reason why I haven't really talked about the plot to Pyramids. It's rubbish, you see. I mean, why did the Osirans bury Sutekh next to the tools he needed to escape. How stupid is that? It's the sort of thing you'd expect to see from Blofeld.

And then there's the whole 1980 thing. What a palaver that turned out to be (UNIT dating for starters) and the "what if we leave now?" thing just ends up making your head hurt if you bother to think about it on any level at all.

But worst of all is Episode 4. It's got more padding than the Mummies!

At least when Pertwee got an episode of padding it involved high-speed action-packed car chases. Here we get dull, corridor-based riddles. It like you are watching a completely different story.

So, how come Pyramids is still my second favourite story in the whole history of Doctor Who?

Well, it's all been said before on this blog: the acting, the characterisation, the atmospherics - they are all superb. But for me it has to be that confrontation between Sutekh and the Doctor. I honestly believe that it's the most disturbing and terrifying image in the whole series. It both scared and scarred me for life.

For the first time (for me at least) the Doctor appeared to be both frightened and powerless. For once I thought the baddie was going to win. And there isn't any gurning in sight.

The Doctor's agonised scream coupled with the velvety sadism of Sutekh was simply too much for my six year old mind to take.

I will be gobsmacked if the new series comes anywhere close to the terror produced by this episode - even if it is going out 90 minutes later.

You know, Mary Whitehouse may have had a point, you know. As with everything else associated with Doctor Who, perhaps she is due a re-evaluation too?

'Freeeeeeeeee'

As we saw with ‘Spearhead’, final parts in Doctor Who can be tricky things - build up gradually and the conclusion is inevitably disappointing; leave too much for part four to do and the whole thing seems rushed and unclear. So how does the final part of ‘Pyramids of Mars’ resolve arguably one of the series’ true bona fide classics?

Well, to use football parlance, it’s a game of two halves, Brian. The start capitalises on the anticipation we’re left with from the conclusion of episode three, as Sutekh seemingly has the Doctor - quite literally - up against the wall. There then follows one of the great Doctor/villain stand-offs, and arguably more ample fodder for the Mary Whitehouse brigade than even the mummy crushings and Egyptians steamings of previous instalments. Because Sutekh’s torture and humiliation of the Doctor is amongst some of the most disturbing imagery ever seen in the show. It may not have the visceral impact of the various shootings, stabbings and drownings so infamous of this period, but the combination of Tom Baker’s intense emotional and physical suffering with Gabriel Woolf’s deliciously sadistic tones makes for some truly unnerving viewing. That it’s all achieved with little more than a green spotlight renders its effect all the more remarkable. And perhaps highlights how wrong Who went during its gritty, Androzani-influenced Season 22. Here, violence is seen to have a callous and demoralising effect on both its victim and perpetrator. But in Season 22, such similar attempts to ‘adultify’ the show by showing the cause rather than the effect of violence only succeeded in alienating the core audience and raised accusations that the programme was going for the ‘money shot’ effect. But I guess that debate can wait for the next story.

Arguably, Robert Holmes writes himself into a corner by having the stand-off between Sutekh and the Doctor so early in the episode; as whatever means he finds to deter the Almighty One from just extinguishing his life like one of those ants he’s always on about is inevitably going to be contrived. So no wonder the whole ‘Isomorphic’ element of the TARDIS is abandoned straight after this story (ultimately allowing such ‘all-powerfuls’ as Tegan and anal Adric to operate the ship). And whichever way you look at it, the whole sub-Adventure Game shenanigans on Mars is padding par excellence (and it’s a good thing Sarah wasn’t still around during the ‘80s, as she’d have had more than ‘Death to the Daleks’ to denounce as evidence of the show raking over its own past). Still, there’s the saving grace of witnessing further effortless chemistry between Baker and Sladen (their about-turn on entering the mummy-infested next level is absolutely priceless). And Baker somehow manages to depict the Doctor as a bit of a know-all prig with the sort of uncle-figure we all wish we once had…

Let’s just skip over all the illogicality of radio signals taking two minutes to reach Mars, shall we, and just bask in what has been four (okay, three-and-a-bit) glorious episodes of Doctor Who, with both cast and personnel performing at the height of their powers. While the plot may not stand up to strict scrutiny after too many viewings, this is still liquid gold entertainment; atmospheric, scary, witty and redolent of a cast and crew with complete confidence that their product is nothing less than exemplary. In short, the barometer by which all Who should be judged. Dare we even hope that the new series can come close to it..?

Plaything of Sutekh

Sutekh's treating everybody like his very own rubber ducky that he plays with in the bath. Of course play in this context means destroying them with the green stare of deadly death. Listening to Sutekh speak, with his very clipped and menacing delivery, it really does put me in mind of a possible big screen remake with the Phil Cornwell, from Dead Ringers, playing Alan Rickman playing Sutekh. Then you can have Jon Culshaw as Tom Baker as The Doctor. And from then on it all descends into a kind of Comic Strip Presents... type production of GLC. But I'm drifting...

Lots of scenes in the TARDIS, which I like. The old girl, more often than not, just exists to get our heros into another fine mess and then whisk them away from the fallout but here she's in action all over the place (hope there's lots of TARDIS action in the new series, please). I'm not at all sure why Sutekh ordered the death of the Doctor, once they got to Mars, but left Sarah Jane alive. Why not bump them both off? Shoddy workmanship if you ask me. You just can't get the henchmen these days...

This adventure still does have a lot of things going for it, although I'm slightly disappointed at the slow down during parts three and, to a lesser extent, four.

Cytronic control

I must admit, I'm struggling here. It's not that things have come to a complete stop but it's slowed considerably, like the approach roads to out of town shopping centres in the run up to Christmas (named after our Lord Chris Eccleston). Not a vast amount seems to be happening, although we get more Suthekh and that wonderful voice. I'd imagine that killers of puppies would speak in a similar sort of manner. Pure evil. We have a fairly long confrontation between Marcus and Lawrence as Lawrence, now 95.4% denser than dark matter, finally comes to terms with the fact that his brother's no longer who he was, but it's all too little too late as Lawrence gets bumped orf.

Cue Michael Sheard story: As I said earlier I was terrified of this man as a child, watching Grange Hill. Then, 20+ years later, the action moves to the Hilton on the Edgeware Road for Panopticon 30, and it's nearing midnight and Michael's giving it large on the stage leading the crowd in a rendition of "School's Out". I'm sitting at the back and afterward Michael staggers up towards the back of the room and collapses around me and my friend, saying "Why weren't you up for School's Out?" adding "It's because you were pissed." That probably exorcised all my Grange Hill worries in an instant. Lovely man, all of him.

Back to the action, and SJS is now a crack shot. I can imagine that in this day and age the possibilities of Sarah with gun and Doctor as mummy would be merchandised to death, poseable action figures. And I, being a complete obsessive, would probably have to buy two mummies as they'd no doubt have "Doctor Who in Mummy Disguise" and "Mummy" branded boxes even tho both are identical.

Sutekh's Gift of Breasts

I had my first sexual experience on Monday 3rd November, 1975.

There, I've said it.

The routine was always the same: Monday morning playtime was the time we would re-enact that week's Doctor Who. The cast list, just like with the BBC, was small. There was me, my best friend Gary and two girls whose names I can't remember. I know, let's call them Sarah and Jane. I was always the Doctor (naturally) and Gary was always the villain. Sarah and Jane would alternate between screaming companion and lumbering monster of the week. Freud would have had a field day.

OK, OK, it's not very PC, I know, but give me a break, I was six.

There are three stories that we re-enacted that I still remember to this day with a vivid clarity that borders on the terrifying. One of those stories was this one and I remember it for one special reason: being attacked by the Mummies in that playground had a profound effect on me, mainly because Sarah and Jane had to kill me by squeezing me between their chests. Somehow, even back then, I knew it was wrong.

I will never forget that. Even if I can't remember their names.

And maybe, just maybe I'll get around to mentioning the plot to this story tomorrow...

'Interference...'

Told you that mummy took too long to strangle Sarah - seems he got bored and smashed Lawrence Scarman’s marconiscope instead. Typical.

Three episodes in and things are reaching fever pitch - Tom’s delivery is now a mixture of velvet charm and hissed intensity, with poor old Michael Sheard on the receiving end much of the time. Hope he doesn’t mention that Tom’s hat keeps disappearing during the studio sessions…

It strikes me now just how self contained each of the episodes are: part one focussed on the rescue of Dr Warlock, part two the cameo of Clemens the poacher, while part three has the Doctor and Sarah’s attempts to blow up Sutekh’s rocket. Isn’t it great how Tom is still recognisable under all those bindings simply by his distinctive walk. Though how he and Sarah managed to reproduce the mummy’s Jordan-esque bust is anybody’s guess.

What with the death of another supporting character - not to mention Baker‘s increasingly gritty performance - it’s all pretty grim stuff. But there’s still time for some lovely banter between the Doctor and Sarah (especially their two-hander as they traverse the woods in search of Clemens’ gelignite). If anyone ever doubts this was the best Doctor/companion relationship of all, then just watching these four episodes should put their qualms to rest.

There is of course another defining Doctor moment when he and Sarah return to find Lawrence Scarman’s body following a visit by his late brother. While the audience is as outraged as Sarah is at the Doctor’s cool dismissal of just another life, Baker’s finely judged delivery of Robert Holmes’ dialogue helps balance out the seemingly uncaring aspects of the Fourth Doctor. This is an alien playing to much higher stakes than just the handful of lives already lost to Sutekh’s power; which somehow makes his rebuking of Sarah for having forgotten the late Professor Scarman himself during her roll-call the most compassionate line in the whole story. Oh, and ‘Ya-Boo-sucks’ to all those TV movie fans who still claim the Doctor was always ‘half human’.

Sadly, by now one or two of the story’s less comprehensible plot elements become noticeable through its otherwise faultless production. Why do Horus and co leave Sutekh with the very means of his escape on his doorstep? And, despite Baker’s effortless explanation, I still don’t get the idea of ‘pyramid power’ (transposing its own projection indeed). Also the tried-and-trusted ‘Who’ standby of letting the lumbering monster do the dirty work, rather than just getting the villain himself to do it rears its ugly head (wouldn’t Scarman have been better off installing the gizmo in the rocket himself rather than letting Tom’s obviously malfunctioning mummy do so?)

But these are minor quibbles - I still haven’t mentioned that wonderfully touching moment between the Scarmans when there’s just the suggestion all of Marcus’ humanity hasn’t been driven away. And the cliff-hanger is another corker - having danced around the issue for three episodes, finally we have the Doctor and Sutekh go mano-a-mano. And at the moment it doesn’t look too good for the curly-haired, tombstone-teethed one of them either…

Pinch me, I'm dreaming...

No. Not the appearance of several trailers for Doctor Who during prime time BBC schedules, but an excellent episode of what is, so I'm told, now called "The Classic Series".

Let's start with the servant of Sutekh. Now, perhaps it's just me, but there's a little bit of an Ice Warrior thing going on with his helmet. They're both from Mars. Are they closely related by any chance? Or do the Martian gentleman-alien outfitters have a rather limited range? I think we should be told. Then Lawrence and Sarah Jane climb into a trunk, there could be a magic act in that.

So the sarcophagus is the entrance to a time space tunnel, I wonder if they'll meet Doug and Tony wearing those oh so fetching cardies, the idea apparel for any budding time traveller. When the poacher runs into, and bounces off, the deflection barrier it's like the early scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey where the monkeys are evolving and can't quite grasp what's happening. "Stick bounce in mid air. Stick should not bounce." Wonder if anyone bothered telling the stick it shouldn't bounce.

And the scenes of Lawrence in the TARDIS are just superb. He's acting like a kid with a new train-set.  That's probably just how I'd feel if faced with the TARDIS for the first time. And death's not that far away, the poacher sandwich is a fairly horrific death (and for such a small cast there's plenty of death) and there's another superb cliffhanger as a mummy bears down upon Sarah Jane. It's the look that says she's terrified, she's in trouble and she knows it...

'All humans within the deflection barrier must be destroyed'

Okay, confession time. When asked that oh-so-popular question amongst ‘Who’ fans - ‘what’s your first memory of the programme’ - my answer is always the mummies advancing on Sarah at the climax of this episode. Back in October 1976 I’m sat on my Mother’s knee, and just as the mummy seems to take forever in putting his bandaged hand around her throat, my mother’s hand closes over my eyes (it would be eleven years before I saw the whole thing). Even thinking of it now I can feel the touch of her skin and the smell of her perfume (my mother’s that is, not Sarah’s). So there you have it - not hiding behind the sofa from the Daleks like supposedly every other fan, but this small, chilling moment.

Despite his ‘presence’ throughout this episode (barely a scene goes by without some reverential mention of his name), it’s a bit of an eye-opener to realise that we don’t actually see Sutekh in this episode (that guy with the steaming hands was an impostor, by the way). And although Gabriel Woolf’s mellifluous tones challenge Tom Baker’s own as the show’s most memorable voice, it just goes to show how bold this production team was in not even showing their main baddy for half the story. Instead we get Bernard Archard skulking around, looking as though he hasn’t checked his make-up before going on stage in rep in Cleethorpes (I’m not knocking him; indeed the fact that Scarman is nothing more than an animated cadaver makes Archard’s performance all the more fitting).

Of course this episode has the celebrated ‘alternate 1980’ section, seemingly to help pad out the twenty-five minute duration. And it’s surprising to realise that such ‘why can’t they just leave’ hypothesising wasn’t addressed in more stories. Baker is particularly effective during these sequences, and is outstanding in the episode as a whole. Managing to somehow be brutal and sympathetic at the same time, his Doctor signifies a clear raising of the stakes that a power such as Sutekh symbolised. And as with Collins in the previous episode, he even finds time to indulge Lawrence Scarman’s childish delight at the TARDIS while still chastising him for his futile belief in his brother’s salvation. Which underlines how Baker’s portrayal was the only true attempt to show the Doctor as a complicated alien, rather than the eccentric fop that has become an accepted template. And is all the more remarkable considering that here is the closest thing we have to the actor playing the role as himself…

There’s also one of those great cameos that ‘Doctor Who’ used to excel in; the doomed poacher Clemens who comes to a squishy demise before episode’s end. Clemens is a lovely reminder of the normal world still going on outside this macabre setting, and his death following a relentless pursuit by the mummies is still one of the show’s most casually brutal executions of a supporting character. What a way to treat the father of film Susan, Roberta Tovey, as well.

Finally, here’s a moment which barely - if ever - gets a mention. When the Doctor, Sarah and Lawrence are hidden in the priest-hole, look out for Baker banging his head on the lantern Michael Sheard is holding…and the filthy look that Tom Baker gives him immediately after. And to think that all people go on about is the hand holding down Sutekh’s cushion in episode four…

I can feel those hands over my eyes again.

'I bring Sutekh's gift of death...'

There are two principal occasions when I remember watching ‘Pyramids of Mars’. The first was back in 1976, aged four, and my recollections stretch to little more than the cliff-hangers of episodes one and two (of which more later). Those images of steaming Egyptians and marauding mummies burned onto my impressionable, adolescent subconscious. But a decade later, when the story made its first appearance on home video, I actually felt disappointed. In the intervening ten years, having been saturated by a diet of Hollywood blockbusters and post-Star Wars special effects, I had become spoiled by the spectacle over the substantial. In short, and as a certain television producer would have no doubt said, my ‘memory was cheated’. Fortunately, time - not to mention, taste - has shown me the error of my ways

‘Pyramids’ is a difficult story to review, given that so much has been written, so many angles considered in the nigh on three decades since its first transmission. It is a story which has come to encapsulate the very best of the Hinchcliffe/Holmes era in so many ways; the gothic horror, the isolated setting, and of course that most iconic of Doctor/companion partnerships. For many of the casual viewers of ‘Who’ that fell away during the seemingly terminal decline of the 1980s, those halcyon days between 1975 and 1977 are as iconic of the show’s popularity as any Dalek-fuelled or green maggot-infested memory. And it is no coincidence that those mid-to-late 80s detractors signposted these years - and often this very story - as the heights from which the programme had so ignominiously fallen.

So why is it so good exactly? Well, episode one is perhaps the perfect scene-setting opener during the show’s entire history. There’s the mystery of Scarman’s doomed expedition, followed immediately by perhaps the most quoted of Doctor-analysing scenes; Baker’s morose ‘I’m a Time Lord’ speech becoming almost a case study for the character - and in particular, this incarnation - as a whole. And the fact that the Doctor and Sarah are thrust straight into the action, with little preamble, means that Baker delivering lines like ‘something is interfering contrary to the laws of time’ so soon after having arrived in 1911 seem anything but rushed. And it is Baker’s performance, as so often during these years, that dictates the proceedings. Whether it be injecting levity with his mischievous banter with Collins, or later stating his grave omens to Scarman and Sarah of Sutekh’s threat, Baker manages to alter the tone of a scene with little more than the timbre of that infamously velvet voice.

But he’s by no means the only one performing on all cylinders, though. Paddy Russell’s direction is effective, without being showy, imbuing proceedings with a rich atmosphere. The story’s emblematic mummies are beautifully choreographed, belying the lumbering menace they could so easily have had. And the guest cast is one of the best of this era, with Warlock, Scarman junior and the wonderfully manic Ibrahim Namin all making crucial contributions to the story’s sheer believability. Mention must also be made of composer Dudley Simpson’s sublime score, be it the motif nods to the story’s Egyptian roots or the spine-chilling organ music which heralds ‘the servant of Sutekh’s’ arrival. Simpson became much maligned for allowing his ever-presence on the show to render his later scores bland and generic; but here is ample proof of how crucial he was to these most remembered years.

Seemingly the only risk to ‘Pyramids’ longevity as a bona-fide classic is the potential burn-out that such attention over the years may cause it. But just watching this inaugural instalment in one sitting reassures me that this really was the Golden Age of Doctor Who. Things had simply never been this good before, and certainly never were after. And despite my optimism for the show’s impending resurrection, I feel that even if it reaches the zenith of its potential it will still fall short of this most cherished of eras.

Add to that some cracking Robert Holmes dialogue - ‘Something is interfering with time, Mr. Scarman…and time is my business’; ‘If I’m right, then the world is facing the greatest peril in its history’ - and you’ve got the best template for how to write the show’s opening twenty-five minute. Oh, and wasn’t that the best cliff-hanger ever?

Give me the honey, Mummy.

Eat your heart out Stargate, this is the real Egyptian deal. As the TARDIS spins through space the music goes all Blake's 7, as if some cymbals universally represent spaceships in flight. I find the initial TARDIS scene quite strange as Sarah's really taking the piss out of the Doctor, who looks like he's going through some mid-life crisis. How else does one account for the fact that he pretends to be an estate agent later on.

The mummies are fantastic. There's always a tendency in Doctor Who to have the monsters lumber in an ungainly manner, but here it looks just right. Then straight outta left field storms Doctor Who's versatile utility player, Michael Sheard (more on him later...). A man who terrified me as a child and all he needed was an ill fitting hair piece. I'm not too sure whether Scarman's invented a radio telescope or an early piece of disco apparatus.

Things build nicely as the mad Egyptian's hammering out a very angry version of "Oh I do like to be beside the seaside", and as the disco sarcophagus bursts into life the smoking footprints left by the servant of Suthekh is really quite effective. And it just goes to show, smoking really can kill.