Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

Torchwood: Another Life - Invasion of the Welsh Pod People - or - It's Raining Welsh!

Oh, Doctor Who, what a cruel mistress you are, that I find myself gazing at the cover sheet of a Torchwood audio book. Not a radio drama, like I am ever so fond of, but an actual, by the numbers, audio book. I turn the first CD over in my hand, and remind myself that I wasn't all that fond of the show, but it had its moments.  These are the thoughts in my head as I ready myself for Peter Anghelides's Torchwood: Another Life.

Audio books have a three-fold goal in my mind.  Narration, action, and continuity. Does the narrator keep your attention?  Does he have a distinctive voice that you can listen to all day, or does he tire you after the first chapter?  Personally, in an ideal world all audio books would be narrated by Stephen Fry or Lisa Bowerman, but I'll bite. John Barrowman narrates Another Life, and I was surprisingly pleased by hearing Captain Jack's dulcet tones pumped into my brain for three straight hours, which is doubly surprising considering I tire easily of the defrocked Captain's hokey accent (made puzzling by the fact that it's a REAL accent, not a cowboy colonial affected by a Big Finish recruitee). Something that could be either a plus or minus is the fact that he didn't even attempt to ape the accents of the other team, be it Owen's strange drawling mockney or Gwen's charming uber-Welsh lilt. David Tennant did accents in the three audio books he did, and he pulled it off well.  Nailed Rose's slurred mockney, Mickey's authentic brainless addle, along with various other accents.  Then again, Tennant's quite experienced with vocal work, and despite any other differences I might hold with him, his voice is gold.

I actually found myself anticipating the next scenes in this, something that several episodes of Torchwood (stand up, Cyberwoman) failed to do.  This really felt like a story that Torchwood should have had, despite being almost another tired bodysnatcher story.  The narrative moved along quickly, with a very strong opening scene involving Jack and Gwen chasing a crazed man projectile-vomiting sea slugs into a building scaffolding. The atmosphere was continually reinforced by the story as well, with a massive storm building over Cardiff, blocking out the sun and causing non-stop rain and flooding. The only thing that bothered me was, if Roald Dahl Plass was flooded, how was the Hub still dry? Still, the scene with the slab-o-vator opening and Jack getting drenched was frightfully funny.

Characterization was good, better so than most of the episodes themselves, with Owen actually acting like an adult, none of the slightly icky sexual flirtation between Gwen and Owen, Tosh actually getting some action (not like that!), and Ianto having some choice lines. The characters really feel like they're being fleshed out more than the episodes provided us, and I'm actually really starting to believe that if I can get my hands on the other two audio books, I may just end up enjoying series 2 (and retrospectively enjoying series 1 much more the next time around).

In closing?  Torchwood: Another Life was a success, rarely putting a foot wrong, and (surprisingly) minimizing the supposed adult content that plagued the series to ill effect. I think Torchwood might have stronger success in spin-off media than it would in the visual media. Can we get Torchwood: The Comic, or perhaps Torchwood: The Animated Series in the style of Batman: TAS? I think I'm going to further investigate this, with Border Princes (with a zombie-making mcguffin) and Slow Decay (Weevil fun).  The good news? Eve Myles narrates Slow Decay.  The bad news? Burn Gorman narrates Border Princes.  Despite having an infinitely cooler name, I'll probably pass on Border Princes for now and do Slow Decay next.

2007, Fits the 11th, 12th, 13th: Third time IS the charmed, isn't it?

Yeah, ok, this was a bit of shit in places, I'll admit it.

But I'll staunchly stand by it.  I will.  In ALL THREE PARTS.

Year One, we had people muttering Bad Wolf under their breaths, in helicopter microphones, on posters no one was looking at, and in German on a falling bomb.  Yeah, we're going to read it there, right before we blow up. 

Year Two, we had the Torchwood death star, the Torchwood Coming Soon (sponsored by Queen Victoria), some space miners working for the Torchwood archives, and some very polite people applauding for the Doctor.

Year Three, we're given Saxon to chew on. But, I really feel, Saxon was a mislead.  Like the big announcement that John Simm was the Master, then having Derek Jakobi saying the iconic "I am the Master!", very nearly stealing Simm's thunder before he starts charging around the TARDIS, channelling a strange mix of Mark Hammill and Jack Nicholson, sans facepaint, but just as dangerously lunatic. But I'll get back to him.

Saxon was the biggest joke played on us this year.  We were so focussed on Saxon as a meme, when it was all right there in that video camera moment of John Simm smiling, almost looking like a photograph, before his head turns and his smile turns chilly.  I knew who and what Saxon was all about right there. Our REAL meme for this year, and one that few people seemed to have noticed (hell, I didn't notice it until just after I'd finished watching TLOTTL).

Russell.  I see what you were aiming for.  You very nearly got there.  Thank you for trying, seriously.  Each year I feel you're getting better and stronger with this, and please don't take this the same way, but write two less episodes next year.  Give Cornell or Moffat one more.  They deserve it.  Let lovely Helen write one more, granted hers were the weak spots this year, but I think she can do much much better if she's not given such a shopping list (ahem).

With that out of the way..

OH LOOK THE MASTER MADE HIM A CUTE LITTLE SUIT!! That had me in giggles.  I loved it. It's just the sort of thing a lunatic would do if he had a "grow your own Yoda" kit.

I mentioned themes.  I plan to explain that.  Out of every episode, there are a couple of themes that carry on through the rest of the episode to the end.

> Smith & Jones - Look it's Martha!
> The Shakespeare Code - Power of words
> Gridlock - The Face of Boe, You are not alone
> Daleks in Manhattan - I lose everything.. 
> Evolution of the Daleks - ..while they keep coming back
> The Lazarus Experiment - Age controlling technology.
> 42 - Sinister woman with Martha's mum.
> Human Nature - Chameleon Arch, Fob watch
> The Family of Blood - The price of being human, the Doctor's dark side
> Blink - This was just a nice break before the finale.
> Utopia - Professor Yana, the humans of the future, Utopia
> The Sound of Drums - The drums, Gallifrey, the Master, Toclafane, Lucy Saxon, Cloudbase/SHIELD Helicarrier/The Valiant, the Time Lords and much more

All leading into Last of the Time Lords. But wait, how'd we get here first?  Let's get stuck in:

So, three weeks ago, in one of the best opening scenes I've ever seen, we have Captain Jack doing drama!run towards the TARDIS at a speed I think I could muster barefoot on gravel, the Doctor looking suitably dodgy, and Martha being suitably disney-faced as she figures out yet another weird occurance in the world is the Doctor's fault. Queue iconic scene of Jack clinging to the TARDIS like Peter Parker's forgotten his outfit, triggering reams and reams of arguments that can be settled with two words: HAIR GEL. 

So. Futurekind.  I feel a little bit uncomfortable, but if I don't dwell on it, I can see it.  Slightly vampiric, hostile, savage humanoids.  That's not much of a stretch.  My favorite bit though, is hearing how humans have evolved through sentient gas clouds, downloads(!), and other forms before returning to humanoid bodies.  I'm sure these are at least more efficient than ours, considering I didn't see much in the way of food rations or toilets, and that one guy was outrunning, for quite some distance, the futurekind, so I'm guessing these physical forms are a bit more evolved than ours as well.

Chanto, by the way, is the hottest looking insect I've ever seen.  Yes please, with a can of Raid on the side. 

Now Professor Yana.  There's a character.  This guy was so well written and acted, I'm actually tempted to write a bit of fiction in the style of "From the Journal of Professor Yana." You can imagine so much of a history and backstory, brilliant and absent-minded, and everything we loved about the first few Doctors, down to making machine wiring out of food rations.  Brilliant.  Making it even more painful when we all realized just who he was.  I'm wondering though, to HIS memory, he was found as an infant on the shores of the Silver Devastation, but how long ago REALLY was the Master put through the Chameleon Arch?  I'm seeing a big plan here with the Face of Boe, having prior knowledge of future events, assists the Master in Arching, and introduces him to a trusted friend in Chanto, they then work together for some time, as he ages naturally as a human until the events of Utopia. 

The opening of The Sound of Drums has caused some cries of foul from viewers, but I'm letting that one go.  We knew Jack had a teleporter.  We knew the Doctor had the sonic screwdriver, we knew there was a sense of urgency to de-arse that area. It was a good way out, and I honestly didn't see any other way.

As mentioned in other places, the bulk of The Sound of Drums was some serious amount of fanwank, but wow it was fun.  To paraphrase the Doctor, fifty-seven fanfic authors just punched the air.  I hear those were the exact same Time Lord collars from Deadly Assassin.  That dome was gorgeous, and the fact that the Time Lords have a door into the Temporal Vortex just sitting on a beach somewhere is wonderful. I like that there was a black Time Lord in canon as well.  Makes me a little giddy, considering how much I enjoyed Don Warrington's turn as Big Finish's Rassilon.

I'll tackle the issue of pop music now.  Those songs are starting to grow on me.  I don't know if it's the memory of Doctor Who that they bring up, but they're a catchy couple of songs.  It helps that they are actually played in-story (or, as we're all so fond of saying now, diagetically).  They strike me as the sort of songs that would be played by a raving lunatic. 

Anyone notice though, how much Lucy Saxon seems to have changed over this last year?  She seemed rather expressive in Drums, but come Last of, she was sort of...empty. You have to wonder what he's done to her in the last year, why she's stumbling around barely speaking like a zombie, hollow-eyed and limp-armed. The timing of her shooting was odd, too.  Just when it looked like Simm's Master would survive, just when it seemed he'd be stuck in the TARDIS with the Doctor, Lucy shoots him, completely blank-faced and emotionless. There's something more there.  We're going to come back to this moment again, probably sometime in season 4 or 5. Especially considering the red-nailed fingertips picking up the Master's ring. I'll go on record with these two words: Female Master. 

I'm probably the only one, and I'll proudly say it, I loved the Yoda!Doctor.  I thought the CGI was wonderful, and it was a great touch how it still just managed to look like David Tennant, who truly has an iconic face.  And no one need make fun of the outfit.  Yes, we know that he didn't shrink the suit, it was there on the floor with the Yoda!Doctor.  The Master, being the aforementioned lunatic, is the type of guy to wheel his archnemesis around the room in a wheelchair, singing in his ear to too-loud pop music before careening him into a wall, is just the type of guy who, after shrinking him into a talking Yoda doll, would tailor an outfit for him.  After all, a Universe with a super-aged nude Doctor doesn't bear thinking about. It's only common decency, people..

Whew.  I've put it off long enough.  THAT scene. That rising from the dead, christ on a quidditch stick, Jean Grey on disco ball finale. As far as my famous psuedo-scientific explanations go, I can rationalize it.  I won't completely excuse it, but I'm going to throw Russell a dirty look while I explain what happened, from MY point of view.

*ahem* An arts & crafts store exploded on the bridge of the Valiant.  No really, ok I'll be serious now. It's all the Master's fault for setting up a worldwide network of telepathic satellites.  Back in series 2, Reinette tells us that "A door once opened, can be walked through in either direction." Those satellites opened a door that, once opened to influence the people of the world to first Vote Saxon, and later Fear the Master, was walked through by the people of the world.  I'm assuming the advanced LazLabs technology was used to build the satellites as well (c'mon, big place like that? Sure they wouldn't focus all their technologies in one insane basket..).  The Doctor spent the last year tuning his own limited telepathic abilities to that of the Archangel satellites, in effect hacking the satellites so that they'd do what he told them to, once control was wrested away by the people of the Earth.

Now, having said that, it's complete bollocks, because even without mind control being an issue, there's no way you can get a group of people over 12 or so to agree on the same issue. Can't be done. Not even with a suspension of reality.

Special mention goes to two points.  John Simm's unconcious imitation of the Doctor, when he realizes it's all gone horribly wrong, saying "Stoppit!" and "NO NO NO NO NO!!" in the EXACT same tone as Tennant.  If nothing else did the trick, that conveyed that sense of mirroring the two of them.  Second is the death scene.  Wow.  For those few moments alone, I can excuse anything else, up to and including the potteristic resurrection.  Tennant had me bawling as his Doctor realized that he'd just gotten a piece of his people back, only to have it spitefully die in his arms as he begged it not to.  Ouch that hurt. I'm almost afraid to watch it again, lest the waterworks flow again.

Coming (not terribly) soon: The Titanic crashes into the TARDIS.  I'm hoping that somehow, considering there was no water in the TARDIS, no water on the hull of the Titanic, and the fact that it CRASHED INTO THE INTERIOR OF THE SHIP, which is located in another dimension of sorts, this is some odd version of the Titanic floating around in a similar dimension to the interior of the TARDIS.  Could be another TARDIS.  Or, could be an excuse to have a certain big-eared former Time Lord make a cameo.  Wouldn't that be fun? Oh, and NO MORE SANTA ROBOTS!!

The Tachyon TV Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Last of the Time Lords: Throughout the entire three-part finale of the 2007 series, the entire population of the viewing audience was thinking one word, over and over again.  Ironically David Tennant summed it up at the end of the final episode: WHAT?? WHAT? WHAT??!?!

2007: Fits the Eighth, Ninth - Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!

I almost didn't write this review.  I honestly felt, what little there was to complain about, and wonderful things to say about Human Nature, has already been said.  I'll just focus on a few things though.

So often in Time Travel shows, even in Doctor Who, the past doesn't necessarily feel like a different period in time as much as perhaps being only a few cities over. Everything came together perfectly though, this time, and this genuinely felt like like the 19-teens.  The cast was truly magnificent, and this is despite me constantly being distracted telling myself that Mother of Mine was NOT being played by the slutty barmaid from Two Pints. Cheers to Sangster especially, even though I honestly haven't seen him in anything since Love Actually.  I'm happy for a link to that movie, as I've been known to push for Liam Neeson as the 11th Doctor.

Rebekah Staton is NOT the slutty barmaid from Two Pints of Lager..

John Smith, not so much for most of the story, as he doesn't stand out THAT well, perhaps the mark of being an effective human.  Watching him break down, denying his true self, trying to bargain with himself, panicking at the thought of having to turn back into this alien thing.  Moving stuff.

That ending.  Wow.  Alright, I'm going to go ahead and put forth a thought I had on previous comment.  Sure, it might have been a little out of character, what he did to the Family.  Maybe a little harsh.  Maybe a little cold.  What choice did he have though?  Who else was going to do it? The Time Lords aren't around to clean up the messes that time makes, let alone the Celestial Intervention Agency.  There are no Monan Host, No Warpsmiths of Phaidon, no other major temporal powers left that possibly COULD clean up this mess, and stop the Family from hurting anyone ever again. The Doctor's had to grow up a little. It's his responsibility now, no one else works on his scale anymore.  Yeah, he looked pretty cold while doing it but... better to wear a poker face than break down right? And the music?? I haven't gotten that much of a chill from a piece of music since the end of Back to the Future..

No more Monan Host, Warpsmiths of Phaidon, Celestian Intervention Agency, etc..

I can't get past that half-smirk that Baines had when the Doctor covered him up.  Yeesh. Creepy. Speaking of, if no one else, we need Baines back as the new Cassandra.  Let him come back for a one-off next year, PLEASE. 

By the way, I was going to give a dialogue failures/triumphs, but.. I can't.  Paul Cornell never ceases to amaze me (I read the last issue of his Marvel series Wisdom last night - you must read this as well if you haven't already). Nearly every line everyone says, apart from a few ridiculously over the top lines from the Family and Martha's "not me" moment, this episode was, to borrow a phrase, a slice of fried gold.

A slice of fried gold...

Next week: Doctor Who meets a Japanese Horror Movie! Can the Doctor fix Sadako's vertical hold and chiropractic issues Sonic Screwdriver setting 666d?

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Family of Blood: Paul Cornell deserves to be knighted.  No joke there, that's just the way it is.

Come take a ride with me..

Just in case anyone's not caught this yet, as I've not seen anyone actually discussing it, but..

Much fun with clip of Utopia!

..It's a clip from what I assume is the opening of Utopia.  Only really one thing that can be considered spoilerish, and if you've seen the trailer for the end of the episode it's nothing you won't know.  This clip is great fun, though...

Oh, and I promise I'm not doing this to get back at Dave Sanders, who posted his Human Nature review ONE SODDING MINUTE after my oh so very late 42 review.. oh yeah, and SPOILER ALERT but not a big one..   

2007: Fit the Seventh - It's getting HOT HOT HOT (or The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and not much of anything)

Sweet Fortuna, I'm late on this one.  Yeah, I know this isn't Human Nature or an early review of Family of Blood. I've just recovered a summer cold, and I'm going to write this before celebrating said fact with a lovely bottle of Irish Whiskey.

I've always been one to fall for the next big thing, drooling over the new toy, being enamoured with the fresh faces, so I've learned to skeptical about the new version with age.  As such, I've been holding back on declaring how much I really like Tennant, but I've figured out a few things:

    Tennant looks like he's dry humping that console at times..

> The man is a virtuoso on the console.  I've never seen anyone throw himself around that console with such abandon, nearly looking like he's dry humping it at times. 

> Stream of conciousness.  I'm not sure he's got an off switch.  Which makes the end, the moment of quiet discomfort, even more poignant in my mind.

> The sheer speed of his performance.  It's a rare talent to speak as quickly as David Tennant and not be indecipherable.

Onto the episode proper, (yes, yes I know I'm almost 2 weeks late), 42 presents us with a charming and, let's face it, realistic portrayal of a freighter crew in the far-flung future. It's dirty, it's functional, it's not sleek and smooth, all rounded edges and soft corners.  This spaceship will put your eye out.

    This spaceship will put your eye out..

Poor PC Stan Waterman.  He's not been the same since Fiona skipped off with Steve.  Such a crabby little git these days. As for the rest of the nameless, faceless crew... well, they're nameless and faceless. But that's not really a problem with me.  In 42 minutes, it's not easy to take 7 complete strangers and give them backstories and motivations you can easily sympathize with.  Let alone when they're dying off at a steady pace.  It's really best if you take just a handful of main characters, 2 or 3, and work them into real, complex people, or throw a few ciphers into the mix and watch them run around and die. Special mention to Michelle Collins, whom I googled prior to watching this.  I thought she looked like someone had beaten Jessica Hynes around the face, to be honest.  The grime and sweat and filthy tank really suits her. 

Personally, I thought the helmet was obvious.  Granted, it wasn't outright explained to us, but the posessed a) can't open their eyes without roasting anything in their path b) put the helmet on and manually close the visor, and c) open the visor to fry people afterwards.  And come on: Burn with me?  If you were a sentient sun, posessing people that stole part of your essence, what would you say?  I don't think it would be "Pardon, but may I have my pet flares back?"

    "Pardon, but may I have my pet flares back?"

Yes, yes bravo to the silent scene at the airlock window, very dramatic, everyone else has said it, so I'll skip over.  That's the price you pay when you review things late.  The other brilliant minds have already gotten to the good points. 

So to close up, I rather enjoyed this one.  Sure, it wasn't the deepest episode, and the science behind it was rather dodgy, but it was FUN.  LOTS of fun.  I think this was the level of fun that Aliens of London was aiming for, but fell flat on its face. Previews of Human Nature and Family of Blood to be coming after I've watched them both again.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about 42: David Tennant was visited after this episode by the ghost of Jon Pertwee, who proceeded to taunt him for not "playing frozen" as well as he did.  Tennent retaliated by hosing the ghost of Jon Pertwee down with a fire extinguisher and saying in a very shouty voice "OFF BACK TO N-SPACE WITH YE YA WEE GHOSTIE."

2007 Intermission: Fits the First, Second: Sooch loses the Univision Song Contest, no one surprised.

I will start out by saying that I refuse to use the "Oh this has smashing visual effects" joke.

Even if I am the only one in the world, or at least on this blog, I'm a huge fan of Season 24. Yes, I realize Sylvester was being a fool quite a bit, Bonnie was a screamy mass of ginger pubes, and the stories ranged from confusing to downright silly, but there are elements in there that just come together.  Takes a bit of reading between the lines, but it's very rewarding, at least for me.

Fit as a tree..

I think that's why I enjoy the 7/Mel audios that are set during this time, such as Unregenerate!, The Fires of Vulcan, and today's offering, Bang-Bang-A-Boom.  I honestly believe that Big Finish knew what they were doing on this one, and they didn't expect anyone to truly take the story seriously.  This sort of thing is excusable, from time to time, as most everyone experiences a full day of ludicrous, improbable, borderline slapstick events in the course of their lives, at least once.

Alright, maybe it was just me again.  This does rank as one of my favorite audios, though, if for only the hilarious pisstake on Deep Space 9, with Dark Space 8 and its laundry list of late sixties sci-fi events coupled with the infamous red alert armrest. 

I won't count my beans until I know how many make five..

The characters are actually quite interesting for an over-the-top romp, especially Golos.  I've always liked these characters, ever since my first time seeing that Peladon story with the alien that resembled a twig with eyes living inside of a glass dome on a port-a-fridge. A cloudy blob that communicates through coloured electrical flashes is quite frankly a lovely idea, and I suspect in a very tele-parochial way that the black cloud monster from Lost was jacked from this very audio. In fact, with the Pakhars making an appearance here as well, (at the risk of being lynched) this would make an excellent NuWho adaptation, with some pretty lavish special effects.

The choice of this audio actually is quite inspired, as the level of humourous contempt towards to Intergalactic Song Contest mirrors fandom's current level of bile towards the contest.  But seriously, Sooch?  I've heard some great music come out of England, and you send Sooch?  Whoof.  No accounting for taste sometimes..

Certain gags are played to the hilt, to hilarious effect (if you look past the cringeworthiness), such as the spoons, the mixed metaphors, and the Doctor consistently screwing up Harcourt's name.  It's very nearly like everyone's playing a charicature of themselves, not just the regulars, as Harcourt lays on the serious drama voice incredibly thick, Fasbinder sounds exhausted and put out, and Angvia...well, Angvia.  Played by Patricia Quinn, whom I know is from Belfast and played Magenta in RHPS, I think she's channeling Magenta hear, although I'm not sure what sort of accent she was aiming for. Then again, if she is alien, that's a good thing. The entire premise of this audio is a charicature of a typical DW idea, that the Doctor waltzes in and takes control of a situation, in this instance quite literally, not so much lying but simply not denying he's the person they think he is.

One thing I still haven't made my mind up on is the musical cues.  There's the trekkish french horns every time Harcourt goes on a monologue bender, and the sting whenever Mel discovers another victim mainly, and while they start out humourous, I do think they pushed them a bit too far in places, especially putting one on the cliffhanger, meaning that I had to hear it twice within a minute.

I look into your eyes and I can see boiling masculine virility under the flimsy lid of your duty..

The Tachyon TV Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about Bang-Bang-A-Boom: This story holds the honor of having the highest visual effects budget of the entirety of season-- OH BUGGER ME SIDEWAYS.  Almost made it..

2007 Fit the Sixth: Gatiss is effing Creepy.

Having recently rewatched The Quatermass Xperiment, this episode was doubly enjoyable for me, feeling simultaneously like a huge stride forward and a respectful leap backwards.  This episode, whether it was actually like an old series episode in reality or not, felt like one, and that's what was important.  I still maintain that despite a few weak moments, this series has yet to set it's foot wrong.  We might yet be coming out with the strongest year to date.

Tennant's leverage returns, albeit in a strangely over-lit TARDIS, showing that he does indeed still have it, stopping mere moments short of howling at the console and beating it with a hammer.  His Mockney seems to be slipping here and there more often, showing just a touch of that burr of his underneath it.  I won't at all complain if we have to specify which one "that scottish one" was in the coming years. Also handled the "reverse the polarity" bit rather well. Kudos also go near the end, facing down the weakened Lazarus, and his eyes are darting all over the inside of the Suffolk!Southwark cathedral, as if he's looking for some way of putting him down permanently. He and Freema have some really cute moments, what with the laundry, "you're a star", etc. Oddly enough I can really find myself identifying with him more and more, as I'm prone to pick up conversations from hours or days earlier, much like he seems to.

Whereas Rose's mum got annoying, Martha's can be quite frightening

I'm still finding myself impressed with the music this year, seeing as how it's no longer drowning out dialogue, and Martha's theme is definitely growing on me.  Seemed a bit too peppy at first, but the variations on it really shine through if given half a chance. Martha's family, too, seem to be growing on me, but not in an alarming way.  Whereas Rose's mum got annoying, Martha's can be quite frightening.  I seriously hope, for the Doctor's sake,  he doesn't give her any more reason to dislike him.

One really touching moment, before I visit Mister Gatiss here, the discussion regarding the war.  Anyone else notice they may well have been referencing two of the series most shining episodes?  Miss Thaw was sent away during the war, to the countryside.  Possibly she could have been sent to the same area Ace and the Doctor visited during The Curse of Fenric?  And Lazarus, living on the streets, hiding in Southwark (I can't be the only one who heard Suffolk every single time and got quite confused) Cathedral, much like the children from The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances.  VERY subtle nods to past continuity.  These two may well have briefly appeared as one of the children in one of those episodes.

Creepy.  And Ginger.  And covered in freckles.

Mister Gatiss.  Wow.  Mark Gatiss, having contributed tirelessly to Doctor Who, as well as other radio and television gems, has finally lived out has dream of being naked on a children's program.  Ahem, sorry about that, but I do think he's the only one so far to be naked, elderly, and a great massive manhuman cockerrrochhe in the same episode of Doctor Who.  Simply amazing.  And, as I stated in the title, he was downright creepy at times, special note going to the line "Look at yourself, woman."   And Ginger.  And covered in freckles.  Goodness me, I don't think I've ever seen that many concentrated freckles on someone's upper back. Congratulations Mark, I think you've made fandom quite proud and jealous at the same time. 

The Tachyon TV Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Lazarus Experiment: Mark Gatiss is officially the first Who Staff member to play a naked, ginger, elderly, not-elderly, manhuman cockerrrrooche.  Following in this vein, Andrew Cartmel has volunteered to play the next naked role, but only on the condition that Sophie Aldred returns to guest-star. To date, Russel T Davies has not responded to Cartmel's calls, e-mails, text messages, smoke signals, singing telegrams, or call-in requests to Jo Whiley's show.

2007: Fits the Fourth, Fifth: Fairytale of New York

Daleks in Manhattan / Evolution of the Daleks is one of those stories that benefits better, I feel, from watching both back-to-back.  I was bouncing in my seat first time through DiM, but come EotD, I was sort of blahing my way halfway through it.  Watching them both together, though, I see much better what they were doing, and the things that bothered me the first time hold up a bit better on second viewing.

Here, a quick bullet point system, as I've not the mental capacity at the moment, nor frankly the desire, to stick to the standard paragraph review system. Besides, this fits my note-taking style better, anyway..

> Lazlo & Tallulah: What an honest sense of affection I get from these two.  They're so sweet at the beginning, when they're both still young, beautiful people valiantly fighting off of the Depression.  Later still, when Tal sees Lazlo in the sewer, she straightens his collar, strokes his hair, crying at what they've done to him, yet refusing to look away from him. Most people only wish they'd get that reaction from their significant others should they face the unlikely fate of being mutated into a pig-man.

> Tallulah's accent: Have you ever met a New Yorker?  They don't sound too far off, even nearly 80 years later.  I thought the first thing upon seeing Ghostbusters and hearing receptionist Janine Melnitz.  Then I went to New York.  Crazy.

No, I don't know why there's a manhole in the theatre either.

> Music: Spot on brilliance.  Over the top at places, but never really drowning anything out, and sure I get chills during the rebirth when that choral part kicks in.

> Diagoras and the workers: Bravo, Brava, Bravi Helen.  Of my heritage, a little less than half were Irish that were in the Ulster area until a few decades ago, and the other were earlier immigrants, who started in Massachusetts and bred their way south, easily passing through New York around this time.  I'm certain I had family somewhere that worked construction in NY in the 30s, so Diagoras and those workers, to me, represented a lot of struggle between Irish and Italian immigrants struggling for work in that era.

You wouldn't see Imperial Daleks whinging on about Skaro and New York..

> Why, oh why, were the Daleks mucking about in NY? A question oft asked as of late.  What I figured, considering that we're dealing with four sneaky and imaginative Daleks as opposed to hundreds or thousands of unquestioning, intelligent soldier-scientists explains a lot.  Imperial Daleks wouldn't stand around whinging about Skaro and New York.  Maybe there's a reason we haven't heard about the Cult of Skaro until now.  Oh, and Daleks have NO peripheral vision..

> One thing I never could stand about the 30's.  Those damnable white wing-tipped shoes.  I could have taken Human!Sec completely seriously, had he been wearing a nice pair of black boots, or some spit-polished military surplus dress shoes, or ANYTHING aside from those -- I'll stop now.

> There seems to be a pattern this year of having one good solid, strong supporting character per episode.  Martha was first, then Shakespeare, then Brannigan, and for the two parter, Tallulah and Solomon.  Wonder who'll be next week's?

> Musical number: Great...but where was the orchestra?

> The Final Experiment: Not sure what to make of Thay / Jast / Caan's reactions, but I'm guessing the pig slaves were dry runs for combining Daleks with Humans.  If they could perfect the process with a pig, it would give them a control experiment to base the Dalek combination off of.  As for the jellyfish, they may have been trying to clone a Dalek mutant to use for recombination.  The script could have been a little bit clearer on this. Also, why were they still recruiting for the Final experiment after Sec had started evolving?  Were the others supposed to evolve too?  Didn't seem like they'd have gone for it.

The assault on Hooverville: Full of sound, fury, signifying nothing..

> Just where in the hell is that lab?  I see Dalek!Humans marching through a whole bloody montage, but the Daleks blow their way through the back of that theatre within seconds of the Doctor signalling them.

> As for the Doctor being singed, I did some reading, and a lightning strike (just a standard one, mind you, not a "gamma radiated lightnings strike" is more likely to cause nervous system damage than any significant external injury.  Lighting is blindingly hot, but only for a millisecond. Long enough to burn out someone's spinal cord, but not long enough to catch their coat on fire.

Looove the Thompson SubExterminator Guns.  Want one. 

> Those pig slaves aren't trained to kill, they're trained to grab people and carry them to the Daleks.  And carry big crates.  Some savages they are.

> Martha: Sounds a lot better barking orders at aliens than Rose did.  "..and you've just GOT to pick it up.." was quite possibly the cutest line I've heard all year.  By "Not human," I'm sure she meant not PART of a human. Still good. Tone down the "OH MY GOD" moments though, that almost drove me nuts with McCoy's latest companion, Hex.

> David, david, david.. Shouty!David is still silly, but you have to stop and think: This is the guy that, when he shows up, you know you're plans already failed.  The implications that this guy can wheeze and gurn and he's still going to beat you is chilling.  I'll excuse Alonsi.  The Doctor's been saying random things in the heat of excitement for a long time.  4 words: Oh my giddy aunt. And could these suicidal tendencies be that survivor's guilt dredged up again by seeing the Daleks STILL being alive? I do absolutely ADORE Tennant when he gets that quiet sort of angry and starts losing his Mockney.  There's nothing scarier than an angry Scots that's STOPPED shouting.  Note to self: When trying to convince someone of something completely outlandish, pull out a handful of glop.  Works every time.

> Saving Private Lazlo: The production team trying once again to outdo Series 1's "EVERYBODY LIVES", or the Doctor trying to within the confines of the story?

> Sec's voice: Makes perfect sense to me.  The Dalek Mutant's no longer using an artifical travel machine voice box, but the hijacked vocal cords of an Italian-American New Yorker.  That's what I'd think he sounds like.

> The emergency temporal shift may have been a cowardly way out, both for the writer and for Caan, but seeing Tennant and Caan face off like that was chilling.  Also, can you imagine the frustration this must cause the Doctor?

> Next week! CRIPES That's a creepy rickety CGI monster.  Also, did anyone think Mark Gatiss looked like Peter Davison when he stepped out of that chamber?

1 down, xx to go..

Striking a blow against awful slapper children everywhere, much-beloved (cough) hyperchav Kelsey has been replaced by Daniel Anthony, playing a character named Clyde. 

Response to this news on the OG forums seems to range between "thank god Kelsey's gone" to "there's no way that bloke is playing a 14 year old."

This reporter has to agree on both counts. 

2007: Fit the Third - In the future, we will have cured Road Rage

When the first few Tennant episodes aired, my judgement of him was been that he's brought some joy back into the Doctor's character, where Eccleston was obviously the scarred one, riddled with survivor's guilt. Here lately, specifically in Gridlock, I'm seeing that I've been wrong. Laughing against the darkness from the Plasmavore to Shakespeare calling him out, has built up to the end of Gridlock, where he finally lets down his facade, even just a little. I'd completely overlooked that despite the change from loose-cannon Eccleston to goofball Tennant, this is still the Doctor, and he's still got blood on his hands from the Time War.  Even the "No no no no no!" bit echoed Eccleston's anguish at the moment of fear that he MIGHT not be able to save someone. I think this is going to be the theme of Martha, what her real purpose is going to be.  Rose let him have a little fun without having to face the guilt and horror inside of himself, but Martha's going to force him to own up to what he's been keeping binned up.  I think (I hope) he'll be the better for it, otherwise we'll have him off playing chess in the desert with evils-from-before-time again.

After rewatching Gridlock, I can touch on a few points people have raised:

> New Earth, and it's insane population: Civilization seems to point towards cycles.  Rises and falls.  By the year 200,000 there'd been four Roman empires. By the year 5 Billion, how many wars will humanity have gone through?  How many apocolypses have we had to start over from, retaining just a little bit more each time?  The current state of New Earth hardly surprises me, especially since a great number of the younger generation of New New York are the former test subjects of the cat-nurses.  It's little wonder these people got sucked into mood-enhancing..er, moods.

> The Kittens: If I'm prepared to accept a cat-like race is capable of successfully breeding with a human-like race, I'm prepared to believe she'd give birth to kittens, and that as the kittens grow, they become more humanoid.  After all, that one said "ma-ma" at six months.  That's not bad for human babies.

I don't expect intelligence from a sixty foot crab

> The Old Rugged Cross: It's never identified in this as a purely Christian song at any point. Just as several centuries ago "Ring Around the Rosie" was a warning about the plague, there's nothing to state that it's just turned into a generic catch-all uplifting song.  After all, Christianity is quite possibly the most aggressively upwardly-mobile religion for the past thousand years or so(to put it kindly).  It would come as no surprise that SOMETHING of it has survived that long.

> The Macra: Maybe it's specist of me, but I don't expect intelligence from a sixty foot crab.  As far as the Macra go, I consider the previous appearance as the abberation, a mutated batch that grew some smarts and decided to take over the world, etc.  This lot is probably your normal, garden variety Macra.  And don't give me that "scourge-of-the-galaxy" line.  It's not like the Doctor's never exaggerated before.

> Failure to communicate: It's just quick enough to be a throwaway line, but when contacting the fast lane is mentioned, I believe it's Brannigan that says you can't call the fast lane, as it's a "different class." Suspicious, I know, but coupled with the "We're so sorry - Drive safe" prior to the hymn, I'd be suspicious myself.

This episode was amazingly fast-paced for being about NOT going anywhere.

A few of my own favorite quickies:

> Max Normal - with his pinstriped suit, ginchy hat, aversion to guns, and middle-class bearings, he could very well be another incarnation of the Doctor.  Had this been in the 90s, tell me they wouldn't have gotten McCoy to play the part, just to mess with us.

> Love the montage of drivers. Just the sheer variety made me happy. At least a few of those drivers were decidedly NOT human.

> This episode was amazingly fast-paced for being about NOT going anywhere.

> I don't know how contacting the police or gardai is in that part of the world, but it sounds about normal for here.

> Tennant's nose is a bit crooked, isn't it?  Hadn't ever realized this before.

> Two quick points regarding the message: first, that look on his face. That's realization mixed with anger.  He knows something he's still not telling, despite opening up to Martha. Also, Bo speaks his final words to a traveller - But Tennant's Scottish, not Irish! Ba-zing..

A traveller? But Tennant's Scottish, not Irish! Ba-zing..

> I can't help but grin when the sky opens.  I'll forgive a certain level of shite if Russ can tug on my heartstrings like this periodically.  That's all he can tug, though, gay agenda be damned.

> Face of Bo: Wonderful character, in my view.  Prime fodder for character development, and the most important bit: HE'S NOT HUMANOID.  Need more of that.  Are you listening Big Finish?  BBC Books?

And so, 2007: Fit the Third draws to a close, we look forward to Art Deco Daleks, Who in Classic Americana, the return of the most anticipated aliens of the new series(the Pigmen), and the first new series episode written by a woman!

Vote Saxon...or die!

Well, it doesn't look terribly official, and if there's a disclaimer page, I completely missed it, but someone's gone live with a "Vote Saxon" website, complete with a SPOILERIFIC picture on the front page.  I say again, if you don't want ANY spoilers, even one that's already all but confirmed, DON'T CLICK THE LINKY.  *EDIT: Apparently, there's another one that's gone up, too..

Vote Saxon!

Lazurus Laboratories

2007: Fit the Second - Verily, Forsooth, and the like

That was quite lovely. 

The story I first remember while watching Doctor Who when I was younger was State of Decay.  I must say that this story reminds me greatly of it, and that is to excellent effect.  Decay was one of those stories I watched again years later, and enjoyed even more when older.  Setting aside Shakespeare himself for a moment, the second landing of series three seems to have not put its foot wrong.  That's two in a row. Gareth Roberts, while not quite a Who-superstar writer, provides an excellent voice for the regulars, and as well as some high-quality laugh-out-loud moments.

The witches.  Whew.  Having married a pagan myself, I was a little worried about the portrayal of witches in Doctor Who, but by the end of this episode, I was quite delighted by the fact that they weren't proper witches, but aliens who inspired the myth of the warted, broom-riding, cackling crones. Much like the aforementioned Decay, with its vampires. Of course, it didn't hurt that Christina Cole, formerly seen in Hex, and whom I've fancied briefly(her and the whole female cast of Hex - for shame, Salem.. - Maybe this could have been improved upon had Jemima Rooper and Robin Piper played the other two?)played the lead witch beautifully. She took great pains, I believe, to not hit quite Soldeed heights of camp.  Somehow, she managed to almost reach the level Tony Head around this time last year.  Quite impressive for an actress half his age.

Maybe this could have been improved upon had Jemima Rooper and Robin Piper played the other two?

Martha Jones continues to impress me, using her brain as well as her medical skills, even calling the Doctor on faking death (thankfully well AFTER the danger has passed).  Much amusement comes from her dignified fending off of Shakespeare's advances as well. This is also the first time I've seen a companion's trepidation about changing the future, or wiping themselves out of existence, which has got to be points for M.  One thing that almost bugged me though, she seemed a little bit jealous when she and the Doctor were in the bed, but honestly, I think she's just responding to the way that she feels a normal man would be acting in his case. And while I'm not familiar with the Harry Potter series, name-checking it and providing the faux-Latin Expelliarmus for the coup de grace was a nice touch.

Special mention goes to the end, with a real moment I've been waiting to see.  I've always wondered why he's never encountered someone he hasn't pissed off yet, at least from his point of view.  I fully expect to see how this happened.

I'm going to have to apologize at this point, my usual eloquence is thrown off from my exuberance from this episode.  I rarely write reviews directly after watching the episode, but this one, I just felt compelled to start writing straight away. What's this next week anyway?  Gridlock? Doesn't look so bad from the previews, AND...according to my beloved Wikipedia, "Gridlock is the 727th episode of Doctor Who. This will break the record held by the various Star Trek series, which have a total of 726 combined episodes between them. Doctor Who has been recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest-running science fiction series in the world, based on the original series' 26-year continuous run and the 43+ years since the programme's 1963 debut."

It had better be good..

Smith & Jones (Deceased)

I think I'm going to get an entire paragraph out of the way by just using one sentence.  "Intergalactic mercenary police rhinos in leather skirts with magic markers are totally badass."  There. That said, I do have one complaint about them.  And it goes a little something like "No Go To Cho Flo Mo Ho Tho Yo Po Lo Fo Ro Co(.uk?)."  Why's every word in their language end in a long "O" sound?  That's got to be confusing.  I mean, even Yorkshire only ends every OTHER word in an O, and people in in the south can't make out a word they're saying.  I'm betting a few Rhino civil wars have broken out from a misunderstanding between "Can I have a pint?" and "Piss off I slagged your sister's horn." The other monster of the story, the Plasmavore, surprised me.  I'd read about "plasmavores" and I was thinking something akin to a bipedal version of 2005's Reapers.  Plasmavore just sounds scary, but in reality isn't, much like the people from the Southern united states..

"No Go To Cho Flo Mo Ho Tho Yo Po Lo Fo Ro Co(.uk?)."

Freema's family.  Whew.  Dad's obviously that guy who's got an impotent air of authority, and hates it.  As evidenced by his "This is me putting my foot down!" bit.  And wow.  Annalise.  She's GOT to be my favorite member of the family, if only because she looks like Jackie Tyler's slapper little sister. If those two aren't related, my world has just fallen apart. The rest of the family is pretty much blank to me.  Brother's 21, sister's got a job, mum's angry.  And her poor cousin Adeola.  What an unfortunate name.  I feel for anyone who's ever been named after a naughty bit. High school must have been hell for her.

Poor Adeola.  What an unfortunate name.  I've always pitied people named after naughty bits...

As for Freema herself.  She's really got a light-up smile huh?  And, to risk being rude, the best bum I've seen in Who since possibly Leela.  And quite capable of pulling off Disney-face (see: balcony scene).  But, and this will apply to anyone who's ever worked in IT, but Martha Jones knows how to RTFM.  When faced with a piece of machinery she's never personally used before, she doesn't start randomly hitting buttons like other companions we've seen (HOW DO YOU FLY?!?!), but (to the applause of geeks everywhere), she grabs the nearest owner's manual, which tells her to hit the big yellow menacing button which must not be pressed under any circumstances(ok, so it was obvious to me, let's give the girl a hand nonetheless).

Oh, David Tennant...David, david.. You had your moments here, you really did.  I'll hit the one moment that I didn't like, and that's only because I've seen it too much by now.  When you looked at that ship flying overhead, got that scowl on your face, and snarled "Judoon!" I nearly gave up.  Although, be fair, it's not David's fault.  I'm tired of the Doctor identifying the alien-of-the-week automatically and snarling it's species name out through a curled lip.  Makes me wish for Love & Monsters, where he just made a name up on the fly, and it really worked.  Top marks for the initial Martha/Doctor interaction.  The choice between Martha and Indian doctor really shows you what being the Doctor is all about: Being a good, quick judge of character. And did he REALLY say ginormous? That was great.  And one last point - the Doctor being concious far longer than anyone else in that hospital: could this be the respiratory bypass system Time Lords are famed for having (and then not having), that allows them to survive (albeit uncomfortably) in low-oxygen to aneorobic environments?  How the First and Seventh could go into asthmatic fits any time they passed a lit cigarette, but the Eighth was capable of pulling friend Fitz through open space unprotected, or the Fifth was able to withstand the vacuum of space to return to the TARDIS by way of cricket ball? Also, one of the best speeches of the year is sure to be the Rhinos! In space!!

Did he really just say ginormous..?

In closing, Martha's A-OK, David's getting better by the year apparently, Russel's shocked us all, and Smith & Jones seems to be a winner. Only one question: How's the hospital still have electricity, on the moon? On the mooon...ON THE MOON.  Hm, maybe that'll be this year's "..FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE" moment. 

The Daemons, Fits the Third, Fourth, and Fifth

I always forget that the Daemons is only five parts.  Perhaps it's that the Pertwee era seems to be alone in having odd-numbered serials, save for a handful in McCoy's time(which, being a McCoy fan I find disappointing, as another half-hour of Survival would please me to no end).  Which, by way of explanation, is why I've reviewed it in 2/3 time.  I was originally planning on doing 3 reviews, but then I looked on the menu of my Creative Zen, and noticed there were only 5 episodes. Briefly flirted with the idea of tacking on Return to Devil's End, but passed.

This episode, I view as a breakthrough in some ways, merely for the third Doctor admitting that something actually took him by surprise.  There's enough "Elemental, my dear Benson" moments in his run alone to make Sherlock Holmes look like quite a nice bloke by comparison.  That seems to be the only break though, as just about everyone in this episode seems to be a complete git, at least towards the poor Brigadier.  Little wonder he sometimes wishes he worked in a bank, as, like someone mentioned here earlier, his soldiers and scientific advisor seem to have very little respect for his authority as a military leader. If I were him, I'd have sacked the lot by now, and arranged a small accident for Pertwee's Doctor to gamble on a slightly more respectful model.  Oh, and traded Jo Grant in for someone else, as well.  Maybe see if Liz wanted her job back.  Come to think of it, The Master, despite being the clear-cut villain in the story, seems to show the Brig the most love, or at least the least spite, save for Yates's "don't ask, don't tell" moment there at the end.  Pity that, the Brig may have made Yates a happy man, at least for a few minutes.  Where's Captain Jack when you need him?

It's a shame the Goatman Azal had so little to actually do, despite having 2 and a half hours to do it in.  Maybe with a higher budget, Azal could have been quite the baddie.  Or he might have had six minutes of screen time before collapsing into a black hole.  Or 2 minutes of screen time before having an energy-gasm contest with Benton before disappearing entirely.  Meh, then again maybe we should just be happy with what we got.  It was a nice touch that he almost granted his powers to the Doctor instead of the Master purely out of spite for the latter.  I bet McCoy's Doctor would have gone for it.

"Chap with wings there. Five rounds rapid." This is, and will always be, a classic line. And the look on Benton's face as he blows Bok to smithereens with that bazooka.  A man like that should really be either dismissed from the military for mental reasons, or given plausible deniability and sent somewhere unpleasant.

The May Day Morris Dancers.  Oh good lord.  That's all I can say.  I've nothing against Maypoles, or modern reinterpretations of ancient pagan rituals, but..but..no.  No more from me on that.  Except..ah..oh, the newspaper suit. 

The ending really strikes me as a very calm, rational one.  Instead of some big monster and explosion as the last scene, or Jo and the Doctor running off in the TARDIS, or the Master seeming to die horribly, he's arrested.  ARRESTED.  Earth authority actually doing it's job, and taking the prisoner in alive, despite under heavy guard. Which, of course, leads into one of my favorite Pertwee-era moments, when Jo and the Doctor go to visit the Master several serials later, only to find that he's taken control of the Prison that UNIT put him in.  One sneaky monkey, that Master. 

ROll on, Robots of Death, and one of the most fabulously flamboyant costume-sets ever in the history of Sci-fi!

The Daemons: setting the bar for religious tolerance.

Ah, The Daemons.  Or the Damons.  Or Demons.  Or that squiggly letter I can't make in Notepad. What a story.  What a tale. What a load of bollocks I'm spewing while I'm trying to remember everything I watched last night.

This town has a "local white witch." REALLY?  Britain of the 70s must be much more liberated than America of the 70s, as they were still burning witches in various parts of the southern US until at least the mid-80s, while this sleepy little English town has its own official, tolerated, accepted, local white witch.  Is that an actual council job?

Jo's interaction in this episode goes completely towards why, while I think she's well fit, she's everything I hate about female stereotypes.  The Doctor (keep in mind, Pertwee's the smug git that I like least) is abusive, mocking, downright rude to her throughout much of these first two episodes, and yet she still gazes adoringly at him, brushing off his mistreatment with little more than a bemused shake of her head.  What does this about Jo in particular, and women in general? Meh, it's a study for another time and place.  Suffice it to say, I keep waiting for Jo to perk up and give him what-for.

It's nice to see the entire staff of UNIT save the Brig(yes, all three of them: Benton, Yates, and that other guy) gathered around watching something educational.  A smart army is an effective army.  Stand up, Torchwood.

Speaking of Torchwood, those giant hoofprints have me wondering if possibly Azal(he's the big one, right?) is related to the Beast from End of Days, or just another random "evil from the dawn of time" that happens to stand higher than some buildings. I am rather fond of the little stone bugger, though.  Looks dead silly, but a nice costume nonetheless.

I've got the theory that by now, UNIT has realized what a smug git the third Doctor is, and are trying to get rid of him. Watch, as they let him run off to Devil's End with no backup(no, Miss Grant doesn't count).  Marvel as Jo calls for immediate assistance, with Yates responding they'll be there "first thing in the morning." Giggle uncontrollably as, while dressed in their ridiculous "street" clothes, they get immediately sidetracked by the giant footprints, with Benton completely forgetting why they were heading to Devil's End in the first place, thinking with his stomach instead of his head.

And the Irish get shafted again, as the constable is not only brainwashed, but dead by the end of episode two.

I can't wait for the explanation for the Corgi miniature spaceship of Doom weighing in at 750 tons.  Wouldn't, at that weight, it cause some sort of stress fracturing in the ground around it?  And on a last note, bravo to the heat shield around the town.  That's got to be one of the more brilliant ideas during the Pertwee era, and costs about as much as a sack of dirt and some poppers. Oh, and one poor minivan that didn't look too much longer for this world anyway.

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Daemons: The name "The Daemons" was a cruel joke perpetrated on the Doctor Who-loving populace of the time, as it wasn't until decades later that Windows 95 would strike a blow against typing weird characters.  Of course, 10 years later, most of us are too lazy to use a character map to find the "ae" letter anyway.

EDIT: I just noticed this.  The Brig's chopper has, plastered across it's front end: G-UNIT. Which means that Brig, Yates, and Benton are none other than, in disguise, these gentlemen.

Nick Briggs, investigative journalist

So, Big Finish has a CD out, I believe it came with the new DWM or some-such. I've obtained a copy. It's mostly previews and interviews, but there is this interesting tidbit..

Colin Baker: ...So who knows even Peter Davison could one day be voted number one. It's a joke, Peter, it's a JOKE, PETER!

Nick Briggs: It is a funny thing isn't it, about reviews and criticism. Because, people say that you should just, ah.., ignore them completely, or read them and not believe the good stuff and not believe the bad stuff, but we're only human beings, aren't we?

Colin Baker: It's about treating both those impulses the same. I read them all, get slightly depressed by the bad ones, slightly elated by the good ones.

Well, it's good to know some actors will give a mature reaction to a satiric pisstake of their work. Unlike that awful Peter Davison.

Wait, that's not right..

Those pod things....are DEADLY!

   So, with a well-paced story such as this, it seems to work well, for a busy man such as meself, to watch it in two sittings.  At this point, I do have to admit to being unwilling at first to watch the story, in fact scratching my head at why it was picked.  I've not seen much of the Ice Warriors, and were never to impressed by the pictures I'd seen.  I must now update previous notions.  They're a bunch of sneaky bastards.

The Ice Warriors used their mole to get the poison gas inside the facility and release it, endangering the workers in said environment, until Jack Bauer and Chloe O'Brian managed to get the rooms sealed and the A/C running. The world waits with baited breath to see whether or not the Ice Warriors can do the impossible and finally off that annoying Kim Bauer.  Alas, it was too late for poor Edgar, as he fell victim, nobly, to the Ice Warrior's poison gas, being the one closest to the seed pod.  If it had been the Ice Warriors' intended plan to simply poison and take over the control room, AND THUS THE WORLD, I'd have stopped watching mid-episode-four.  Fortunately, grander things were in mind. 

The Ice Warriors intend to take over the world in the form of a giant Spring Break FOAM PARTY! No seriously, I liked the whole terraforming angle.  One of the better ones I've seen. And I'm so glad they weren't just trying to poison the world with that very ineffective poison gas. After seeing this serial, in it's entirety, I now wish the BBC to make a modern-day Ice Warrior story. These are some SMART adversaries, and there's not enough of them.  For every Delgado Master and Ice Warrior, there's about a dozen Earthshock Cybermen, Drashigs, and hideously deformed despots(Buy TIMELASH on DVD!). I'd specifically like to see an Ice Warrior story set on Mars, as to my understanding, the reason they're all such slow and cumbersome mouthbreathers is our atmosphere.  Too hot, too moist, and the air's too thick.  I'd like to see them in their natural environment, as I expect it's not dissimilar to watching a Nature channel special on crocodiles or other large reptiles and amphibians. 

Professor Eldred managed to sum up six episodes in one sentence.  At the insistence of getting T-Mat back online at the expense of all else, he warns about putting all of our eggs in one basket.  Remember, the world is only 3 hot meals away from the next Dark age.  If the Doctor hadn't succeeded this time around, that's precisely what would have happened, and it would have been the old buggers with motor cars stored away in their museums that would have made out like bandits. 

Well, made it in just under the gun, so roll on The Daemons, or as I like to call it, the Damons (starring Damons D and Querry as great stone monsters, taking the piss out of UNIT and the Delgado Master!).

Blastoff! To Adventure!

Someone mentioned that this week, we get to watch something better than last time’s Stripped Down choice. I don’t WANT to agree, but here I sit, 8:37 in the morning on a Saturday, my kid having woken me up 2 hours previously, I’m hung over from cheap wine the night before, and running on six hours sleep and some greasy left over fast food.  I feel like I’ve been beaten up by an Ice Warrior, yet I managed to sit through three episodes of “The Seeds of Death” whereas Web Planet had me for 20 minutes at a time, tops. Insofar, the Troughton Era has the lead. Shall we review Delta and the Bannermen or Timelash next time first?

This is an interesting bit of world-building going on.  I’m always happy to see the different ways that Earth might evolve into a more advanced planet.  Even the dystopian futures are fun to at least look at.  If I ever, though, end up on a planet where the technology is made by those blokes that manufactured Rose’s alarm clock, and based around every noise irritating the piss out of you, just shoot me.  Preferably with one of those nasty Ice Warrior guns that seem to do the equivalent of holding their fingers up to their eyes and going “IM PEENCHING YOU TO DEATH!! IM PEENCHING YOU! PEENCHING YOU!”

So, someone has to have mentioned “Base Under Siege” by now.  What they probably haven’t mentioned yet is, without the rose-tinted glasses(whoops, another Billie comment, must go watch Ruby in the Smoke later..), the base is under siege from mouth-breathing prank callers with permanent kung fu grip and some heavy-duty birthing hips.

Ah, the regulars.  I’ve posted a picture that covers the Doctor’s shirt. For those of you who don’t know, this slick bastard is Tim Gunn.  He runs a fashion academy of sorts in New York, and was in charge of mentoring and hosting contestants for Project Runway.  He knows his stuff when it comes to fashion.  This is his reaction to the Doctor’s shirt.

Just for the record, Frasier Hines, at this point in his life, has no ears.  It wasn’t until just prior to “The Two Doctors” that he grew a pair (of ears, that is), and was thus invited to show them off to the Who public.  At this point, Jamie’s ears were retconned into continuity, earning a Big Finish play and two Virgin New Adventures to themselves.  The BBV were quite unhappy with this development, having not secured the rights to theoretical future body parts.

Zoe’s outfit deserves special mention, if only for the sheer reason that I’ve seen the color stills.  The color stills of Zoe’s outfit makes me want to lose my aforementioned greasy fast food breakfast.  Some things are just better in black & white, I say.

The, erhm, ok so they’re not astronauts.  T-Mat coordinators?  Whatever they are, they’re some real winners.  The same one that thinks he can hide behind a see-through door also ends up building a death ray out of three hatstands and some flashlights.  MacGuyver would be proud. Also that guy being held hostage.  In a vinyl suit.  Ugh. He’s got to stink to high hell by the end of this serial. 

“Whoever thought we’d see that again...a rocket rising....a...red...rocket...ris–“

Couple of cute gaffs they didn’t think we’d catch: sound of a crowbar hitting the floor and playing Murray Gold with the dialogue( hehe murray gold = merry hell! I kill me..).  During liftoff, aren’t those all pictures of the TARDIS console up close?         

Well, the end of episode three comes around with the big reveal of the Casserole of Death, probably cooked in a Winnebago of Death, somewhere just out of Bush’s sensor range.  Inside the Casserole of Death are the Melon Balls of Death.  Truly frightening things that swell up and pop as soon as they get close to a weak spot in the plot.

And finally.  I demand that those morons on Earth be sacked ASAP.  I mean, seriously, a Melon Ball of Death is beamed down to your office, in a scary looking torch holder, and what’s the first thing you do? That’s right class. Open the door and bloody POKE IT.             

Postscript: This was the intended caption to the third picture, but I don't know how to do captions yet =/ "Beelzebub has a devil set aside for meeee - Alternately, Sycorax Rock!"

My office could use a randomizer thingy, too..

So, clearing out images of Ricky Gervais and Steve Carell, we now return to BBC7 to finish up the last part of the last story of the first series of Eighth Doctor audio stories, Human Resources part 2. Anyone else catch the story about the burping fridge that ate whasser's boyfriend?  Doesn't that sound interesting? Gotta be better than a wheelie bin eating Mickety-Mick. 

Settling in, I, too, am glad that we're "upgrading" to the new Cyber-voices in the audios, but thank goodness Briggs & Co have endowed them with a bit more personality.  The Cybermen in the show were more wooden than Noel Clarke during the rehearsals for Rose.  These cyberguys were a bit more menacing, without quite going too far (see Earthshock, Silver Nemesis, etc *ahem* EXCELLENT!!). 

Still sounds like Nick's got a cold in the voiceovers. He should use some sort of homeopathic remedy or something before that turns into bronchitis.  Cold, wet weather can do that. Lucie demonstrates a slight lack of intelligence that I've noticed in people that use mobile phones a lot.  People that scream "PICK UP THE PHONE I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME" into a mobile phone's voicemail.  Do they really expect the other person to hear it? 

In the category of "Gone to the well too many times:" The Doctor trying to convince somebody, ANYBODY, that that thing is JUST a normal, everyday, harmless (armless?) ring.  No one believes you, Doctor. Also, doesn't this make about 37 times he's offered the secrets of the TARDIS to the Cybermen alone?

Bugger me, but Olsson's sounding more and more like a malevolant Gwyneth Paltrow each week, isn't she?  I certainly hope The Headhunter shows up again, and soon. 

Gerry Cooper on the phone with the Cybermen = Funniest moment in the first half.  You just know if a Cyberman phoned someone, that's exactly what would happen in real life. Nay, scratch that.  If a Cyberman phoned someone in real life, the phonee would just assume that one of their mates picked up one of those voice-changer helmets.  Speaking of which, has anyone seen that video on YouTube of the Cyberman singing Corinn Bailey Rae?  I'd really like to leave a link, but it seems to have disappeared.

Wait, he gets 50 off-peak minutes a day, free?  Sign me up with his service. The Cybermen seem to trying to take the piss out of the Doctor here.  "You may be known to us." Ha! As hard as he works, too.  I'm sure they were doing it on purpose.

That ending too.  Whew. The path not taken, etc, etc.  I'm glad they handled it the way they did.  And the Crystal Optimizer Randomizer Whateverizer.  Good idea.  Very flash. And very fragile.  I'm ever so glad it got burned out, because that will keep it from showing up too much.  I'd like to see one good story based around that, but NOT a Who story.  Make it a Bernice Summerfield story, and I'll be happy with that.  Final moments, and we see the Headhunter one last time.  This gives me hope that we may see her again.  Also...anyone think that a certain someone with a grudge against the Time Lords, partnered up with someone tricky like the Headhunter, could cause some serious problems for Gallifrey?

We can't stop here, this is BUG COUNTRY!!

Here in the magical land of Texas, there are strange creatures known as spiders. 

Huge honking spiders.  Spiders that like to bite me in odd places.  I'm currently suffering from a lump of spider venom in my armpit, so I'm a little bit delerious.  I refuse, however, to let this affect my ability to watch Doctor Who and make witty commentary on it. The incoherence of ramblings may end up Web Planet by way of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by the fourth episode.  So, without further ado, The Web Planet, starring William Hartnell, Barbara/Ian/Vicky, and 600 clones of Tobey Maguire!!

From the opening in, I have several thoughts.  Firstly, isn't that first surge of...er.. wait what is that, anyway?  Well, I think it's vaguely phallic, and have for several years.  And what's with the title logo?  "Doctor OHO?"  I never got that either...

Moving right along, we have Vicky, performing the archetypical performance for all sci-fi telepaths afterwards. Watch her here, then watch any episode of Star Trek TNG with Counselor Troi.  There's the classic clutching of temples.  There's the squinching of eyes. There's the sobbing voice crying "..pain...suffering.."  All we're missing is the phwoar catsuit, and we're good to go. 

I'm still trying to decide if the little Zarbi-lite is a massive Mister Clean Scrub Brush, or the Web Planet equivalent of a street sweeper.  Also, watch for the Doctor going all M.I.B. with his "Cosmic Rays" speech.  "Right, Cheddertan, look here, I'll need you to stare at this light...alright, what you erhh ahm saw was swamp gas reflecting off of a weather balloon, erh hehehe whooooo catching the light from Jupiter, HMMM???? There's a reason some people are scared by this old coot.  People complain about the Seventh Doctor being all dark and broody.  Don't catch Hartnell on a bad day.

The scene between Vicki and Barbara.  Wow there's a classic in character development, only to be topped by Episode 2's(getting to that).  Actually, I think this is where Doctor Who slash fiction was born.  Barbara and Vicki, alone on their matching couch beds (because telly tells us that's how married couples slept "together" back then..) discussing leeches, school, and Barbara dancing naked around a fire to chase away Vicky's "evil spirits."  The people over at Teaspoon and an Open Mind probably had a field day with that one..

Watch and marvel, as Ian very nearly breaks the fourth wall, with his classic "Feels like we're being watched..." By the way Ian, returning the favour, Damon's got your pen.  Reached into the telly and snatched it from your hand after you looked at him funny back there. That's right, ignore me, just sit there with your nose two inches from that backdrop and study the "distance" intently.

Is it just me, or is it virtually impossible for a structure THAT sodding big to just "come out of nowhere?" It's like those people who claim the trees jumped out in front of them while they were driving. 

And so, my attention span draws to a close while Ian's attacked by Tobey Maguire, and if you look carefully, you can (see through the blur) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost singing "White Lines" as Barbara stumbles along blindly. This is about where I passed out from the venom last night, so picking up today, just a few quick headlines..

SEE! The Simpsons Bee Guy! Barbara having an orgy with giant ants!  You too will believe a bugman can fly!

Tune in next week as the greatest romance in the history of Who unfolds.  No, not the Girl in the Fireplace, Ian Chesterton and Bug-Woman!

Attention staff: This week, the Doctor will be played by the spirit of Ricky Gervais

My mother always told me I had a gift for the written language, so as such, I'm going to skip the standard "this is my first review, so please go easy on me, etc." Going easy on a writer is never good for the writer, unless he's a neurotic bundle of phobias on the verge of snapping and running through the nearest Barnes & Noble with a blowtorch. So it is that, as I look well forward to my first "Stripped Down" session, I turn an observant eye to the beginning of the end of the, er, beginning of the Doctor's time with the lovely Lucy Miller.

As I'm writing this first bit, I haven't actually listened yet to Human Resources, as I'm finishing up listening to disc 4 of Kaldor City(which somehow has enough political hijinx to rival the Gallifrey series). 2 more tracks, and I'll be starting DW:HR, and I feel somewhat apprehensive, as the previews leave me feeling as this is Doctor Who meets Office Space, and all I'm hearing is a Cybernized voice going "Yeeaaahhh, I'm just gonna need you to come in on Sunday, too.."

Maybe the Doctor will show Lucy his "O" face.  Maybe not.

The Time Lord scene was interesting.  Good exchange between McGann and and the stock mysterious TimeLord character.  Anyone know if that actually is the same character from Genesis? Argh.  A bit "bling."  And anyone notice how the Time Rings sound a lot like a sick TARDIS these days? Shades of "setting an alarm clock."

I think if there's one complaint I have about this BBC series, is the voiceover credits.  I'm so used to listening to Big Finish's CD Audios, which don't require vocal credits due to cover sheets, that hearing Nick Briggs's dulcet tones daintily intoning the people's names over the opening theme just jars a little.  I mean, did they have to get HIM to do it?  It's not as if fully 1/5th of the inhabitants of the Doctor Who universe don't ALREADY sound like him, but the Fourth Wall announcer is Briggs too?  Meh..Actually, he does sorta sound like he's got a cold this time around.

The giggly office humour was actually very believable.  I should know, I work in a giggly office. David Brent would be only too at home where I work. Actually, as I listen further into this audio, these office people are frighteningly believable.  Especially Mister "call me Gerry" Cooper. Even during the "Boardroom planning session," it took a moment to realize just WHAT he was talking about..

So in all, this seems to be Doctor Who sitting in The Office with a touch of Robotech tossed in for good measure.  I'd say that's second only to the recent Colin Baker audio with the talking pig-man for oddity factor.  Have to give them credit for working a picture message into the story, though.  Bit of modern-day technology / street cred but done believably. 

All in all, I'm pleased with this one.  My big thing for next week?  I want to know who's invading "them," and who hired the "Firm" to do so? Also, a little off topic, but did anyone notice the Wilhelm Scream on Primeval the other night when the mini 4-legged Tyranosaur attacked the camp?

Meet the Authors: Salem

Age: 26

Location: Beaumont, Texas, America (ugh)

Homepage: sonicstapler.blogspot.com

Earliest Doctor Who Memory: State of Decay, after that my Da bought me Haining's Time Traveller's Guide, and it was all downhill after that.

Favourite Doctor Who TV Story of All Time: Remembrance of the Daleks - It's the glitter gun, has to be. And revelling in the Cartmel Masterplan.

And on the opposite end: None I really hate, but there's a few Pertwees that put me to sleep.

Favourite Doctor: McCoy, by far.  He's such a slick bastard.

Favourite Companion: Fitz.  Oh, poor, poor Fitz.  He just can't catch a break, can he?

Favourite Doctor Who Novel: Algebra of Ice - C'mon! Aliens that take the form of maths!  How cool is that? Yeah, I'm a nerd..

Favourite Doctor Who Audio: After the Faction Paradox Protocols, I'd have to say probably a tie between The Harvest and The Next Life.

Favourite Doctor Who Website: bucking the norm, thevervoid.com, and the DW section of fiveminute.net.

Favourite Non-Who website: warrenellis.com, bloggorah.com, womenincomics.blogspot.com, wikipedia.org.

Favourite Film: Boondock Saints, Shaun of the Dead, Slither, Love Actually, a few others.

Favourite TV Show: hehe-erhm.  DW, Red Dwarf, 24, Scrubs, Sinchronicity, Life on Mars, 2 Pints, and the ORIGINAL Office.

I enjoy listening to: Sisters of Mercy, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, Apoptygma Berzerk, VNV Nation, Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, The Pogues, Johnny Cash, Tori Amos.

I enjoy reading: BBC and Virgin DW, Warren Ellis, Neil Gaiman, Garth Ennis, Gail Simone, Joseph Heller, Nietzche, Alan Moore

Other sci-fi I enjoy: Red Dwarf, ST:Deep Space 9, Stargate SG1

Things that irritate me(since there's too much for one):
Loud, sudden noises.
Poor grammar and/or spelling.
Stereotypes(ANY stereotype.  Except Irish. Leave us alone already!)

Favourite joke: Two guys walk into a bar.  The third ducks.
-ALSO- (wait until someone walks up close)...AND THE MONK PULLED A CANDLE OUT OF HIS ARSE!!

Guilty Pleasures: X-men comic books. And Deadpool.  Imagine Spiderman's attitude with no decency filter and no moral compass....AND HE KNOWS HE'S A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER!! Yay for breaking the fourth wall(stand up, Tom..)

Reasons for Blogging: have you BEEN to America lately?  The only people watching the show I know are the ones I've drafted into it! Can't exactly pop down to the pub at 9 on Saturdays to intelligently discuss the new episodes.