Behind the Sofa - The Collaborative Doctor Who Blog

"I am your future!"

Yes, I do still post here occasionally.

I haven't reviewed the new series so far simply because I haven't had anything to say. I enjoyed the first three episodes, and I couldn't really think of anything to say except 'Yeah, they were great'. And that's not really much of a post, is it? So I didn't post anything. Generally if I post stuff, it's because I didn't like stuff, and when I start complaining, you're gonna have a hard time stopping me.

The thing is, I don't watch much TV these days. It's pretty much our good Doctor and Heroes (Eccleston's finally appeared, by the way. Yay!). Not much else on, really. I missed the beginning of the other shows that I would normally watch - ER, Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck, House - and I really can't be bothered to download them or whatever, so if those two shows aren't good, I get a bit upset. No worries with Heroes,  since it's pretty much impossible for that to suck, so that just leaves Doctor Who, and as I've said, I've enjoyed it so far.

Then along came Evolution of the Daleks. And oh dear, the illusion was broken. See, I enjoyed the two-parter when I first watched it. I really did. Good ol' bit of fun, not really paying too much attention to detail, just sitting back and relaxing to a bit of late-afternoon/early-evening TV. But then I watched it again, both episodes, back to back. And my oh my, did the problems start appearing. Let's review, shall we? And since I don't have a set reviewing pattern, let's have some fun. Note that I'm reviewing both episodes here, since they're one story. Hey, it's my review, I'll do what I want.

The Good

The Effects. Absolutely amazing. I'm going on a 3-day holiday to New York with my family next week, and if the views aren't as good as they were in the show, I'm going to be disappointed. Beautiful. The Mill should be bloody proud of themselves, because they've completely outdone themselves once again.
The Actors. I know some of you didn't like the exaggerated 'New Yoik' accents, but I did, so shush. Most of the secondary characters were good, especially Solomon, which made his death quite poignant. The guy who took over from Solomon, Frank (thanks Wikipedia), was also pretty good, as was Mr Diagoras, who became this season's must-have Halloween mask. Tallulah wasn't fantastic, but she wasn't as bad as she could have been. The other, minor characters were also pretty good, considering the small parts they had.
The Regulars. Freema was, as has become standard, excellent, and far, far better then I ever thought Billie Piper was with Mr Tennant. (I don't think I've explained this here, so I'll quickly do it now. Billie and Chris - Father and Daughter. Billie and David - High school friends. One is quite touching, the other's just annoying. Guess which is which) David, on the other hand, was only good in the first half, but that half was very nice. I also liked how he rambled on in the beginning of Evolution - that's the sort of acting I like to see from him.
The Plot. Again, only applicable to the first half, which is just setting up the Jenga pieces, ready for them all to fall down. It did a good job of it, drew us in, made us want to know what was going on, etc.
The Musical Number. How many other shows could get away with having a song right in the middle of the action? I mean, really?
Dalek Sec. Yes, I liked him. He was an interesting way forward for the Daleks. I certainly wouldn't have imagined it happening - I shudder to think what else is going on in RTD's mind. Seriously. But the make-up wasn't that bad, and having managed to avoid being properly spoiled by the Radio Times, it came as a bit of a surprise when it happened. Alas, poor Sec, you had such great plans...

The Bad

That Football Goal. Every time I watch Daleks in Manhattan now, I'm going to see those. Thanks a freaking bunch, Stuart.
The Daleks. I seem to recall, way back in the Eccleston era, that the Doctor was bricking himself over just one Dalek getting loose, because it would destroy an entire city, maybe even the state. So here we've got not one but FOUR Daleks, who're running around Earth for months before the Doctor even arrives, and what are they doing? They're building a freakin' building. What the hell is up with that? You're Daleks! You don't need pig slaves! You don't need Gamma radiation! You're freakin' Daleks! Go forth and exterminate!
The Doctor. In part deux, he reverts to shouting. Dammit, the man cannot do loud terror, have they not learned that by now? Hell, he's doing it against Daleks, the masters of bloody great shouty threats!  Understated menace he can do very well, we've all seen it. Why does he feel the need to yell at everything that pisses him off? Also, not even singed from the lightning? Hell, I'd have settled for a little bit of smoke coming up from his hair in a slightly comedic manner, but not even that?
The Pig Slaves. Seriously, where did the pig element come from? If you can get past the sheer idiocy of the Daleks in not immediately killing everyone, I can understand them wanting slaves, but where the hell did the pig part come from? Were there any pigs in Manhattan at the time?

The Stupid

Laszlo. Who... why... what... was the point? How the hell did he escape, and why weren't they looking for him? if they were, they never said so, and when he rejoined the group there was nary an eyebrow raised... hell, there wasn't even any eyebrows TO raise. Why did the Doctor save him? He's a freakin' pig man! What's he gonna do, start a bakery? How will him and Tallulah work? I wouldn't imagine a pig's trouser snake would be very big... is she really gonna stay with him once she finds that out? And why the hell didn't Tallulah recognize him in the sewer when it was clearly him? Was she deaf as well as dumb?
'Urge to kill... too... strong...' No excuse. Absolutely none whatsoever.
The Emergency Temporal Shift. Weak. So, so weak. I suppose Dalek Caan may have drawn the needed power from the remnants of the lightning strike, but even so... Weak.

In conclusion: Fun when drunk, but painful when sober. For god's sake, even the script editor needs a script editor sometimes. Better yet, grab some of us as unofficial assistants, we'll help you sort out most of the problems. God knows we'd be glad to help out if this is the sort of thing that'll happen without us...

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about Evolution of the Daleks: Contrary to popular belief, Ryan Carnes, who played Laszlo, actually needed make up to look human, rather then a pig-man.

"Your leader will be angry if you kill me - I'm a genius"

Why couldn't we have had The Invasion? Why did I have to sit through this somewhat hollow affair? Why have I suddenly started wearing contacts? Why am I asking so many questions? Why can't I stop?

...ah. I still feel that this adventure was somewhat empty, though. A little research into it reveals some of the answers - it was originally a four-parter rewritten into six. But even so, there are still other problems with the story. There's some poor attempts at humour (and I know bad humour - I'm in the middle of a fan edit of The Man With The Golden Gun, which is rife with the stuff), the music is on a par with Murray Gold - so far too loud, then - there's the infamous bubble machine and the Doctor seems unusually killaholic, which in some ways suggest that the writer doesn't know what else to do.

But it wasn't all bad. The basic plot and the performances were both very good indeed, which I'm lead to believe is par for the course at that time. Huzzah. The direction was, for the most part, pretty impressive for late 60's television, and the sets are pretty good as well. The use of some interesting prespective shots and of impressing tension on the viewer lends a lot of professionalism to the story, although this is somewhat tempered by the 'comedic' elements.

Still, there's a good story to it, and (to me) it's a lot more watchable than our previous entry, so I have to say that I fairly enjoyed it. Although I'm beginning to suspect that most of these early episodes are better enjoyed whule drunk. As for the questions... I don't know, you'll have to ask Damon or whoever's in charge of the blog these days; because I said I would; because I've bleached my hair platinum blonde and I feel I look better with contacts as opposed to glasses; because it made for an slightly different intro than everybody elses.

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Seeds of Death: The seeds which were used in this adventure would eventually be discovered by one Sir Hugo Drax, in truth another cunning disguise of The Master, thus lending credit to the whole 'James Bond is a Time Lord' theory.

"It's like trying to cut your way through treacle"

I must confess, first of all, to not watching the entirity of this 'adventure'. I got through the first episode somewhat scathed but in one piece, but as the Menoptra started talking in episode 2 I realised that I simply couldn't do this. And so, in order to maintain my somewhat childish mind, I discovered the rest of the story via The Doctor Who Guide, and I discovered, somewhat unsurprisingly, that my course of action was probably for the best.

This serial is insane. I'm guessing watching it while drunk is the only way you'll get through it in one piece. But one cannot fault the people behind the programme for not only having the balls to try something like this, but for having trhe skill to pull it off as well as they did, given the limited resources of the time. Having seen the sets and the costumes, I have to admit for the mid-ish sixties, they did themselves proud.

The story, on the other hand, is something altogether different. It's insane. You have the Animus, who basically want to conquer the universe (starting with Earth, how original). You've got the Menoptra, who want to stop them. Then you've got the other races - the Zarbi, who are utterly useless (they're pacifists, see), and the Optera, which are irritating.  And nothing makes any sense. There are cliffhangers which are resolved almost as pathetically as in The Age of Steel, there's characters which give you a headache every time they speak and there's dialogue that leaves you wondering what the heck the writer was thinking.

It's really not recommended viewing unless you're drunk, stoned or both. But if you are, go for it. You'll have a blast.

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Web Planet: The vast majority of the props for this episode were made by the children of the production team, who had been forced to hold a makeshift creche after 'Treasure Tots' was forcibly shut down by police.

It's not dead... yet!

I know I'm not the quickest person on the draw, but I can't believe I'm the first person to report this...

It is a well known and popular fact that some things take on lives of their own. Such is the case, to my complete surprise, with Outpost Gallifrey.

Since my announcement in early October that I would be shutting down the news portion of the site and turning much of its content into archival information, I have been inundated with well-wishes and offers of support and help, numbering in the multiple hundreds. Site traffic still continues at a brisk pace, and I've had some interesting ideas to keep the site going. Needless to say, I've found a lot of the ideas fascinating, and they demonstrate (to my surprise) how central Outpost Gallifrey was to the Doctor Who community at large.

Therefore... Outpost Gallifrey will soon be back in business as a news site and all-around Doctor Who portal. We're working out the full details right now with several people - names you'll recognize, and names new to us - and will be making our full announcements very soon. I'll still remain as editor in chief, but the news will instead be brought to you by a committee of reporters - in the UK, the US and beyond - covering every aspect of Doctor Who and its spinoffs.

This will allow me to focus instead on the other aspects of the site that remain popular - the episode guide (with the Torchwood section coming soon), the reviews page (yes, it'll continue) and the events calendar.

The Outpost Gallifrey Doctor Who Forum, of course, remains ever-popular, with nearly twenty thousand users. Please join us as we continue weekly discussions after the debut of each episode of "Torchwood" on Sunday, and of course in anticipation for this coming December's Doctor Who Christmas special, "The Runaway Bride".

Stay tuned over the next week or so as we finalize details and prepare for our next incarnation. And thank you to all of you who continue to make Outpost Gallifrey your home for Doctor Who fandom on the Internet. - Shaun Lyon

GLEE!

"...and then shall the dark evil rule eternally"

I sat down on Tuesday to review as I normally do - watch one episode a day and then review it at the weekend once I'd had time to process it. But something happened. I sat down to watch the first episode, and two hours later got up and wanted to watch it all again. And that never happens with classic series stories. Ever.

So what I did was watch it all again today, with a clipboard, pen and paper and jotted down notes as I went along. The end result is less along the lines of what I would normally write, but it should feel somewhat familiar to the rest of you. Good thing? I'd like to think so. Let's find out, shall we?

Bear in mind that I couldn't afford the DVD, so these are the episodes as transmitted. I'm sure they'll be even better in the collected version, and I'll find out for myself when I get the money, but for the moment I'll have to take it on faith. Not that it mattered, I fully enjoyed what I had anyway. Also I apolgise for any spelling errors that you may spot, but I was rather rushing to get this done before Torchwood started and didn't really have time to spellcheck the entire document. Still, who cares about the occasional typo when you've got moderatly funny humour abound, eh?

Part I

The story starts well enough - I enjoyed the intro, which at the very least tried something different, rather then just being an adaption of what had gone before for a new Doctor. And I thought the music was funky. I seem to remember it from my childhood, which is always good. Anyway! The story starts proper with a low budget invasion of Normandy, only for that theory to be blown away as we're show the long awaited return of the Loch-Ness Monster! Huzzah! And then the Russians land and something's clearly gone wrong. Which always happens in these things.

The TARDIS appears and Ace, who appears to have Chewing Gum stuck in her hair, emerges in full period dress. And her 'leather' coat. Hmm. That said, she does have a fair point about just strolling into a top-secret military base. Where are all the boys in brass and so forth? ...oh, there they are. Surrounded by big... okay, tough... alright, weedish soldiers weilding big powerful guns, the Doctor launches straight into a bluff that whizzes right past their heads and leaves them reeling. Then he goes and forges his own authorisation papers. The felonies are bulding up - Breaking and Entering, Forgery, Impersonating a senior member of staff...

Meanwhile the Russians, who have conviniently decided to speak in English (and good thing too, I'm watching this story, not reading it) decide to set up camp on the beach, where they'll get sand in their tent and start grumbling about how it's too windy to build decent sandcastles. Still, those are their orders and they're going to obey them, stupid as they may be.  And while one of the guards is on patrol, he finds something. Is it a winning lottery ticket? Plane tickets to Florida? A classic issue of Playboy? No, it's just their orders. Fun. Suddenly someone places a green filter over the lens, plays some menacing music and the poor fellow screams (which, amazingly, nobody hears) and gets all the blood drained from him. I would LOVE to know how they drain the blood from someone is such a short space of time, but I guess that's a much a mystery as why Chantelle hasn't been shot yet. Irritating bitch.

I'd like to take a few seconds here to point out a glaring error that was brought to my attention thanks to my mother being curator of a museum doing an exhibition on World War 2
last year. This is for you, Mum! When Ace meets the two future victims-to-be, she says they should meet at Maiden's Point, which is handily signposted. But during the war, they took down all signposts in case German troops landed in the country - that way the soldiers wouldn't know where they were or which way to go. So that's a bit of an 'Oops' mistake right there.

Back on track, we're introduced to the Commander of the base, or Herr Obermann, as he prefers to be known. And we're also introduced to the Reverand something-or-other, who goes on about a curse. Evil was 'ere BC 2000, or somesuch. Another query, if I may - shouldn't the TARDIS be translating the runes? Silly me, of course not - that'd ruin the plot. Anyway, the man the Doctor's apparently here to see, Judson, is bossed about by his carer who I've no doubt will end up dead before the day is done, and I come up with a few smutty inuendos.

The two future corpses Ace met go for a swim - they'll be sucked down under in no time (Fwar) AND a Russian prays that, once they're out of the water, he won't have to fire at them with his big gun. Well, you wouldn't want to be shooting blanks at two fairly pretty young ladies now, would you? (Clean up on Aisle 4!)

Moving on. Ace meets one of the ladies who listens for German communications and finds out she has a baby called Audrey - a name she detests. Can't blame her there, I've never liked the name. But apparently it was the name of her mother. Hmm. Taking shelter, her and the Doctor take a look at the cliffs were Ace hung out with the two cadavers-in-waiting, and the pair find a dead Russian. And a lot of live ones. Pointing guns at them. A cliffhanger at a cliff? genius!

Part Second

The Russians decide not to shoot the Doctor since the episode is going out pre-watershed. Meanwhile, the Commander and Judsen have translated the runes and are reading them out loud, for some god only knows reason. This will lead to very bad things, of that you can be sure.

Moving on a bit, because there's a few minutes that I can't make fun of, the Reverand makes a lovely speach to a completely empty church while the Doctor and Ace explore the runes further and discover that some new one have appeared. Only they aren't new. Which is a bit of a confuser, really. Finding a secret chamber leads them to the Commander, who has been stockpiling green slime. Surely we've already reviewed a story about Green Slime? No? Oh well. He's got lots of it. Lots and lots and lots of it. An when he demonstrates that only a few drops can kill a room full of birds, his brilliant plan to rid the beaches of seagulls is revealed. What a nice man he is.

Back at the beach, the two girls run headlong into the water again, not a care in the world, and as the fog machine goes into overdrive, they're killed faster then you can click your fingers and say 'Just like that'. When they return, trying to seduce a Russian soldier in the most twisted seduction I've seen since Gigli, their hair appears to have been through the wrangler. Should have used Herbal Essences, methinks.

Moving on from soldiers to men of the cloth, they make their move on the reverand, who reveals that they are now, in fact, vampires. Which just doesn't make sense, because everybody knows vampires have imaculate hair. And, once again, the holy water/cross/bible legend is shattered. How many times are we going to have to be told that they don't work? The Reverand is saved, amazingly, by the Doctor, who barges in and tells the vamps firmly, yet politely, to leave. And they do! It's a wonder he doesn't try this approach more often.

Suddenly, the team realise that they;ve got to stop Judsen from translating the new runes that have appeared, since it's resurrecting all the old pop groups of yore who have faded into obscurity. But no! They're too loate! And since the producers of the show have run out of time, they just decide to make that the cliffhanger. Classic stuff, really.

Parte the Third

The Doctor convinces the Commander of the danger and tries to get re-enforcement sent in, but the Commander's quite stupidly had the radios 'disabled'. Which must have been fun for Perkins, who did the honours with a rudy great axe. Meanwhile, we're told that the revived pop bands are what human beings eventually evolve into. So how come Cassandra isn't a blood-sucking leach... oh. Right.

Returning to make sure baby Audrey's alright, she assumes Aubrey's mother is a single mum. Sadly, we'll have to wait about 20 years for that story to be told, but then that said... with a husband in the war, surely it's only a matter of time, right? And on the other side of the base, McCoy shows his true colours by playing the clown. Which is always funny.

Flash forward to a seemingly pointless return to the church and there's water seeping in. Oh dear, that can only mean one thing. Attack of the Undead! There's a good movie in the waiting for you. Running up the top of the chruch, Ace reveals a ladder, which is what all the cool kids are carrying around in those days, apparently. Alas, she climbs down straight into the arms of some waiting monsters. Don't stuggle Ace, all they want is a cuddle! Oh, and to drain all the blood out of you, but that's a given, right? Good news, however - the Russians arrive and promptly blow the budget away with their bullets. Huzzah. Back inside the church, the Doctor chants the words to Pertwee's eternal classic I Am The Doctor, prompting a hideous response from the vampires as theyir brains remember the naffness of the record.

The head Russian holds he creatures at bay with his Abba fan club badge, representing his undying faith that the group will reunite one of these days. After grabbing his men, he returns - just to talk, of course. But the Commander is having none of it and locks him up for the sheer hell of it. Nice chap.

And low and behold, I was right. Single mother ahoy. Now's your chance, fellas!

Outside of this, Ace finally decides to challenge the Doctor and he responds with a wonderful piece of nonsense that puts Ace off ever asking anything of him ever again, which is a blessing I think all Doctors could do with. And then, quite out of the blue, Ace comes up with the most bizarre chat-up technique since... well, Part 2. I'm tempted to try them out myself next time I go down the pub.

Back on something a little more sane, the creatures are making short work of both the door holding them back and the Reverend, marking the beginning of the Great Extras Slaughter of '42 which lasted a whole 40-odd minutes and which is barely known outside of the BBC. We bow our heads in remembrance of the fine extras who fell in the line of budget cuts. May they rest in piece(s).

Judsen has recovered the container of the main villain of the piece - apparently Evil needs a body. Try telling that to Cassandra. But once again the DOctor is too late. The Commander is spewing text like Shakespeare reborn and the crippled Judsen is crippled no more! Although he is now host to an evil from the dawn of time, but still - nice to be up and about again, isn't it?

Part Goes Fourth (that one doesn't work so well, does it?)

And we're straight into the backstory, although it doesn't last long as Fenric shatters windows with nary but a hand gesture and goes to greet his minion(s). Bet they were surprised to meet their maker, hmm? Meanwhile the Doctor and Co. (Another spinoff for you, RTD!) almost get shot before being rescued, while that nice old Commander goes completely fruit-loopy.

Fenric orders the fetching of The Ancient One, which is a bit of a misdinomer, seeing as he's from the far future and probably not very old at all. But it's an impressive title all the same, and I doubt he's pushing very hard to get it changed. Fenric, however, is revealed to have a weakness for Chess - well, who doesn't? - and the Doctor arranges to find a set so he can beat the evil bastard once again. As he waits for the Doctor to set it up, Fenric starts eulogising about the good old days. Unfortunately he'll be waiting for a while, as former nice guy the Commander has rigged his chess set to blow up, but luck be with them, Ace remembers where she saw another set, so off they go.

On the outside, the Russians are being killed left, right and center, and the last two decide to go blow up the deciphering machine which started the whole mess. A wee bit too late, but then that's Russia for you. Back on the inside, the Commander, who really was a nice guy once, honestly, realises that his great chemical weapon will be used to wipe the earth clean, which begs the question - why the bloody hell does he have so much? Overkill much?

Ace gets back to flirting with a Russian soldier, ensuring his demise in the process, while the Great Extra Massacre continues in full swing. Once she's convinced the man to part with his beloved Abba Fan Club badge, she has a sudden pang of conscience and decides to go back and help Audrey's mother escape with her baby. The other Russian, meanwhile, tries to destroy the machine, only to get a bullet in the chest courtesy of the Commander, who, let's be honest here, may well have been a nice guy once, but by now has completely lost his marbles. The Doctor, having FINALLY found a chess set, sets the game up once more.

Fortunatelly for the few survivors at this point, Fenric's superiority complex rises to the fore and he has all the other creatures killed by the Ancient One in a stunning display of disintegration. Then, realising he'll never score any chicks in Judson's body, he leaps into the Russian's. Not knowing this, Ace reveals the solution to the Doctor's puzzle to him, and with nothing standing in his way, he starts laughing in the manner that maniacal villains often do and reveals that everybody was little more then a pawn - Ace included. In a stunning display of twisting someone's words to mean something completely different, the Doctor convinces the Ancient One that Fenric wouldn't do him a single favour one the Earth was his and so gets him to sacrifice itself to take out ol' Fenric.

On the side, the Commander, completly ga-ga and, not just a portion of fries, but also a burger and a carbonated beverage short of a happy meal, finally gets his comuppance as the surviving Russian (the one he shot, remember - I never said he was dead) teams up with a British soldier and shoots the big guy dead. An eye for an eye, and all the rest. Ace learns that is was in fact her mother and grandmother she helped to escape, and wanting to rid herself of the whole horrid experience, washes all the terror away with a swim. Lovely.

...So there we are. Different, but somewhat enjoyable. Anyway, I thought this was a great story and I WILL watch this one again - I'd love to see the extended edition. Hope I haven't bored you guys with this long 'un!

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Curse of Fenric: Ace's original seduction speach was to have been the much more simple "Fancy a quicky round the back of the bike shed?", but unfortunately the sideplot that would have developed from this, involving a rock to the back of the head, the cutting up of the body and the burial of the pieces, would have required an extra two days filming which the budget simply wouldn't allow for.

Incidentally, wasn't Torchwood a cracker? And it didn't matter if you loved or hated John Barrowman, 'cause there was something for everyone!

"He'd get dizzy if he tried to walk in a straight line!"

I have often said that I will quite happily sit and watch anything. A few years ago, that statement would probably have been true (so long as you didn't try to make me watch The Secret of Nimh). Nowadays, I'm more picky. Reality Shows, Charmed, Ruby Wax... the list of things I refuse to sit and stare at goes on and on.

The point I guess I'm trying to make is that I know s**t when I see it. And while I admit this was far from the best Doctor Who I've ever seen (The Satan Pit, take yet another bow), I honestly don't believe it's as bad as everyone says it is, because I was perfectly able to watch it and not fall asleep or break into MST3K-style riffing. And for me, that's pretty gosh-darned spiffy.

So what if the plot is random gibberish? So what if there is absolutely no logical reason for the Master to be there? So what if the effects are rubbish? So what if it has land mines that turn people into trees? It's got three Time Lords who can bicker with the best of them! It's got some rather fantastic location shooting! It's got George Stephenson! It's got... got... um...

I sat (well, layed down, I had the sofa all to myself) and watched this with an open mind, despite some of the other reviews that have appeared here, and found myself moderately entertained for an hour and a half. And in the end, I think that's in no way worth the £10 I paid for it. But then everything these days is overpriced, so I guess that's just par for the course. But hey, I enjoyed it and I suspect that at some point in the future I'll watch it again. And I know I say that a lot, so schtum.

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about Mark of the Rani: When writing the script for this adventure, the Bakers couldn't agree on what the land-mines would turn people into - their final choice was between trees and beautiful nude nymphs. Sadly for all concerned, the coin used in the toss was from Canada.

"I say, what a wonderful butler. He's so violent!"

So, City of Death. The serial which got the highest ratings in Doctor Who's history and is often claimed as one of the greatest stories in the show's entire run (I stand by the readers of Doctor Who Magazine that the actual greatest is Genesis of the Daleks). And, certainly compared to some other stories I've seen (I shall name no names, Mr G. Death) it's a fantastic little story, and it's one which I very much enjoyed and will no doubt watch again at some point in the future.

The trouble with 'reviewing' it is trying to saying something original about it. At this point in time, over 25 years since it was first shown, anything you could say about it - good or bad - has already been said far better than you could ever hope to explain it. So if this 'review' sounds familiar or is similar to something you've read elsewhere, you'll have my excuse, insincere as it may be, and I'm sticking to it.

First and foremost, it's absolutely wonderful to get away from the UK! Doctor Who spends far too much time in our motherland. Yes, I know it's a British show and we're supposed to be proud of it, but look at it this way - what were your favourite stories of the newer series? Chances are, if The Satan Pit wasn't the top one (which it is for me, I love that serial) then it was pretty high on the list along with Tooth & Claw. And, alien planet and creatures trying to kill everybody aside, it was great to get away from bog-standard England once or twice, wasn't it? Same with this serial. It didn't happen often, but when Doctor Who was set outside the UK, it's always nice to actually see it as with this adventure.

Next up, the cast. Julian Glover is, and I suspect always will be, utterly watchable, and it was an utter delight to watch him here. The other, incidental characters were also great fun, from Duggan and his obsession to breaking things to the Butler and... well, his obsession of breaking people, they were all good fun to watch. As for the two main leads, they did a great job and were clearly enjoying themselves. As I believe someone else here mentioned, it's fun trying to spot when the two have just emerged from a back alley having done some unmentionable deed. But they both do a good job with this serial and I believe I may even be warming to Mr Baker somewhat. Maybe.

Finally, the plot. It's a typical Douglas Adams script - a good idea with plenty of light-hearted moments scattered around... although, that said, it's also one of the problems I had with the story. At no point did I really feel any sense of menace, or that the main characters were in any danger. I had a rough idea of what was going to happen (you always do when watching a classic serial) - 7 Mona Lisas, set in Paris, giant green alien splintered across time, the big bang which kick-started life on Earth - but even so, I didn't feel much of a threat. It's not a huge flaw, but I tend to like my stories being much darker. Perhaps that's why I think Genesis is the best Doctor Who story. But whatever I feel, it's a small problem and doesn't stop the serial being a good watch.

One other point I feel I must point out - the ending. Did it feel rushed to other people as well? Scaroth has been punched out, and all of a sudden WHAM! Everything's all settled before you've had a chance to pause the DVD and figure out what the heck is going on. Did anybody else find this a but of a turn-off?

Anyway, those minor quibbles aside, it's a fun little story  and I mostcertainly don't regret having bought it, but it will be a while before I watch it again. I like my stories, and my Doctors, somewhat darker than this. And that, I believe, is why I'm not a huge fan of Tom Baker or, to a degree, David Tennant. When they do dark, they're very very good, but when they don't...

The Bumper Book of Made-Up Doctor Who facts has this to say about City of Death: The real reason behind the story being set in France was that most of the shooting staff were alcoholics and needed the excuse to grab some cheap booze. Tom Baker is understood to have bought several trucks worth of liquor during the production and to have made Lalla Ward consume most of it, which would explain their brief marriage which ended when she finally sobered up.

"I am the BOSS. I'm all around you."

It's the one with the giant maggots.

And with that out of the way... I found it a little hard to get through this one. Maybe it was the cliched characterisations (if I never hear someone say the word 'Boyo' again it'll be too soon), maybe it was the slightly iffy acting in places, maybe it was the constant interchanging of the men in suits, maybe it was the over-reliance on CSO, maybe it was the plot lacking in places... hell, maybe it was all of them. But whatever it was, I had trouble watching this. But hey, I did it anyway. See how I suffer for my art!

Anyway. So the Doctor finally gets to Metebelis III and surprise! It's a quarry. Okay, maybe it's not a surprise, but whatever. And from there, he heads to Wales, where there's been a couple of deaths involving people glowing green. Then there's some technical gumf about toxic waste, a bunch of maggots appear, the bad guy turns out to be a computer, that hideous yellow car reappears, the maggots are killed by mushrooms, the computer gets a Napoleon complex, someone sacrifices themselves to blow it up and Jo gets engaged without the ring or anything. Standard fare really.

The most amazing thing about this story is how plain it is. There's nothing particularly stunning about it - giant maggots hardly being original, nor a meglomaniacal machine either. There's really very little that IS original about this one, which is a shame, as it does get some pretty good model work and the maggots themselves are pretty darned effective, which is more than I can say about their victims. There's some shockingly stiff acting going on in places, and it's not helped that the actors often don't have a great deal to say or do.  There are moments that counterbalance these - the supposedly emotionless BOSS humming classical tunes (albiet in a somewhat irritating manner) and the sheer idea of the Doctor dressing up as a cleaning lady - could you imagine Eccleston doing the same? - is fantastic, but they aren't enough to stop the story being somewhat average.

I'm struggling for something good to say about this story, and the best I can come with is that I didn't hate it. But neither did I feel anything special towards it. It's a bit of a nothingy story really, something that you could watch while drunk and it would still make sense. Which is a shame, as Katy Manning really needed something decent to send her off, and instead she gets upstaged by a bunch of condoms. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The Bumper Book of Made Up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about The Green Death: In the original script, Jon Pertwee went through a variety of disguises on his way to contact Yates, including a Sailor's outfit, a Gimp suit and a Father Christmas outfit. Surprisingly, it was Barry Letts who objected to this as opposed to Pertwee, who was halfway into his leather trousers when he was informed of the change.

Real Time Productions

Just a quickie. I'm thinking about making a personal DVD for that ol' C Baker webcast, Real Time. What extras, besides the audio version and the accompanying interviews, do you think would go well with it?

See? Told you it was quick.

The not-related-in-any-way-to-TachyonTV audio project status

Well, that's it, folks. Time's up. If you sent an audio sample to me, then thank you very much. If not, then I bite my thumb at you, you smelly sons of hamsters. I'm rewriting the first non-chapter, but expect to see an announcement of the project on the Outpost Gallifrey forums within a day or so.

EDIT: I didn't make it clear, and it doesn't matter all that much now anyway since I'm opening it up to the OG forums, but this is NOT an official TachyonTV project. Neil has nothing to do with this, and nor does he wish to. This is my project, and I chose to ask people from this blog because I vaguely know you (as much as one can know a bunch of people from all over the planet, anyway) and would have liked to work with you. Since so few of you agreed to work on the project (I don't mean that in a bad way, honest) I'm going to ask people at the OG forums to participate, but I would have liked to have kept this a small group of people who could be, for lack of a better word, 'trusted'. Like having a friend recommend someone he knows, that sort of thing.

I think most of you already knew that, but some of you may have been confused, and that's why I'm adding this clarification. Please don't ask Neil about this, he knows nothing more then what I say here. Talk to me if you still want to be a part, my address is darthmarsdenATtescoDOTnet. I won't mention this project here again until it's either been completed or cancelled.

 

Now... to other business. I have two Bit Torrent files which may interest you.

There's this one, which is a very funky Doctor Who themed screensaver. And then there's this one, which is a bootleg soundtrack to the first series. It's only 30 minutes, but it's pretty damn good and I'm sure it'll tide us over until the official release.

These aren't by me - I found them at another website, Demonoid.com. Since they're both pretty good, I thought I'd share. They're not 100% official, but I'm fairly certain we won't get hauled off to court over these either. Just to warn you.
 

The rubbish you find in Forbidden Planet

This isn't mine - I just stumbled upon it in the Outpost Gallifrey forums. But I thought you might like to see this...

Is there something else you're not telling us Paul?

The Clockwise Man Audio Edition - Deadline

Crunch time. I've been working on the script (about halfway through Chapter 8 at the moment), and I've decided to set a deadline. Not just for me to finish the script, but for all those who were interested in contributing to the audio to send in their voice samples. Are you ready? Here's the date...

9th August, 2006.

That's my mother's birthday, if you're interested in that sort of thing. Anyway, I will have the script finished by then, so it'll just be a matter of getting the voices sorted out. If I don't have enough volunteers, then I'll round up the remainder of the crew from the Outpost Gallifrey forums, but I'm reluctant to do this - I kinda want it to be a Tachyon TV project. If that makes sense. :)

I will accept voice samples in almost any format, although MP3 is preferred. Send it to...

darthmarsden@tesco.net

...and I'll get back in touch ASAP. I really want to get this done folks, so do take 10 minutes out of your lives to get me a sample. And as a final effort to encourage you all, if I can't get the whole thing organised by Christmas, then (sadly) I'll probably end the whole thing. So come on! Support your local merchants! Keep it British! And so on!

Seriously, I want to get this over and done with. I've alnmost had enough of it as it is. Should have stuck with just reading the damned thing. I don't know, back in my day, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb, yadda yadda yadda...

The Clockwise Man Audio Edition - Chapter 0

While we're all waiting for the new look blog and to learn who the new companion is (Seriously - I don't want to know until after Saturday's episode. Ruin it for me and I WILL kill you), I'm gonna share the first bit of my script for The Clockwise Man audio I'm working on. Bear in mind it's only a first draft, but even so I think it's pretty faithful to the book. Here we go.

Doctor Who - The Clockwise Man (Audio Adaptation)
Chapter 0

SFX - "The clatter of distant wheels on cobbles, the far-off sounds of people shouting and calling, the melancholy hoot of a boat on the Thames...", things like that.

SFX - A door opens, someone steps out and closes it behind them. A cigarette is lit.

SFX - A cat meows quietly.

Dickson - Oh! Hello there! Now I can't see you properly, but you wouldn't be black, would you? Only me mother told me not to trust black cats, and... oh, alright. Off you go then.

SFX - Dickson takes a drag from his cigarette. A faint ticking fades in.

...

SFX - Traditional TARDIS sounds.

Rose - Do I really have to wear this, Doctor?
Doctor - Well you can't go running around in jeans, can you?
Rose - Yeah, but... green?
Doctor - I'll have you know mint green's a very popular colour round these parts! <Taps something> Well, it will be in a mo.
Rose - So remind me where 'these parts' is again...
Doctor - The British Empire Exhibition, 1924. And don't go complaining - got to get a bit of culture now and then.
Rose - <Laughs> So how come you don't have to dress up?
Doctor - <Shocked> Excuse me - new shirt!

SFX - The TARDIS landing.

Doctor - Right! Come on then...

SFX - The TARDIS door opening.

Doctor - <From outside> ...and don't forget that cloak!

SFX - Rose grabs a cloak, steps outside and closes the TARDIS door.

Rose - We're in a scrapyard.
Doctor - I like scrapyards. Never know what you might find. Shall we go then?

...

Dickson - Is someone there?

SFX - The ticking gets louder.

Dickson - Hmm... I guess not... <Turns> What the..?

SFX - Big Ben strikes the haf-hour. Dickson stuggles. The ticking is very loud.

So, what do you think? RE voices, I've simply got to cast Flick as the Painted Lady (if you hear her, you'll know why), while Dave is doing the clockwork voices and I've cast myself in the role of Repple, but there's still roles up for grabs. If you're interested, send me a clip of your voice (it doesn't matter what you do, it's just to get a feel of your vocal abilities) and I'll give you a role. It's that simple!

Send your clips to me at DARTHMARSDEN@TESCO.NET and I'll get back to you ASAP.

Possibly the most in-depth analysis of Who you'll read today.

Okay, first of all - I kinda enjoyed 'Fear Her'. To a point. More on that later.

Secondly, I got into an interesting conversation with someone from the Outpost Gallifrey forums, and I'd like to type up some of my posts here, if you'll endulge me. Feel free to skip to the end of this post if you're not interested in my views on the new series, or my look at 'Fear Her'.

Ahem.

People these days need a bit more then just a monster. A show needs more depth then that, and having the human element can give it a new edge, one which the mainstream public can identify with. RTD himself has said 'If there's planet X with monster Y, then I'm not interested. But put a human colony on planet X, and suddenly I'm interested', or something similar. He has a point. In a similar style most, if not all, programmes these days have story arcs. It keeps people interested and in a way it rewards them for watching by having a blazing conclusion. Doctor Who had an arc in the first series which paid off in 'The Parting of the Ways' (well I thought it did), and it has another one this series which will pay off in 'Doomsday'. And while I agree that at times that arc (occasionally) seems crowbared into the episodes, it doesn't make the rest of the story any less great. If you look at them as individual stories, they do stand up well. The writers aren't writing themselves into a corner, because there is no corner to write themselves into. That's the beauty of Doctor Who - you can do almost anything.

Sadly, some of the science (there's a scientific explanation behind all magic! ) from the first series has been lost in this second one. It's hard to say why exactly, but I personally think it has something to do with the main characters. Eccleston had a hard shell, if that makes sense. He was a lot tougher, more of a loner. And Billie, essentially, drew him out of that shell, almost made him into the father she'd lost. There was good chemistry with that relationship, and I enjoyed the series a lot because of it.

We don't have that chemistry with Tennant. He's not a loner, he has no shell, he's just a happy-go-lucky guy with few cares in the world who's out for a laugh. That doesn't make him bad, but it does make him a mate to Rose rather than a fatherly subsitute. And when you have two friends who think they're invincible, they can get very, very irritating. I didn't notice it at first, but as the series went on, their smugness became more and more apparent.

The first time I really noticed it was in 'Rise of the Cybermen', when the Doctor & Rose got into the Tyler house working in the kitchen. Rose says some very bitchy things ("or maybe she's just a little bit thick") and that's really when it first hit me. I started noticing it a lot more when I rewatched the episodes after that, but since that point in RotC, it hit me that the two were really starting to irritate me. They ticked me off during 'Tooth & Claw' ("Where the hell have you been?" is NOT what I would yell at that point), during 'The Idiot's Lantern', at the beginning of 'The Impossible Planet' (not so much during the rest of the story, which I think is the strongest of the series), whenever we saw them in 'Love & Monsters' and throughout 'Fear Her', which is my biggest flaw with the episode. Truth be told, the episodes that work best are when the two are split up - 'The Girl in the Fireplace' and 'The Satan Pit', but they also have another reason for being great.

I'm going to pick on 'Love & Monsters' for a moment, if you don't mind, because I enjoyed that episode. For the first 32 minutes. Watch it again (if you can) and you'll see where it all falls apart, but for that first half-hour, things are good. Why? Because the story is focused on a person who isn't having a laugh. Elton is a real person, who has real feelings. He shares them with us, whether it be by telling us or through the quality of the actor's perfomance.

Hard as it may be, I can't really think of many times we get that with the Doctor or Rose this series. We got a couple with the Doctor while he's in the caves, and later climbing down the pit, during 'The Satan Pit' (as I call the 2-parter), and they were great. We also had a few in 'Girl in the Fireplace' (it's a really touching moment when he reads that letter), but sadly that's about it. And we had them all the time in the first series. That, I guess, was the magic of the first series that simply isn't there in the second. We've lost the emotional connection with the characters.

I mostly enjoyed 'Fear Her', although I will admit it wasn't perfect. You only need to read the other reviews her to see what other people thought of it. Hopefully that ridiculous air of smugness that's been surrounding the lead characters this series be addressed in the final episodes, but still... Anyway. Yes, 'Fear Her' - not perfect. But FAR from pathetic. There was no real monster, which was the whole point of the episode. It was all about one lost soul finding another, which is what the Doctor and Rose were when they first met, in a way. Eccleston was somewhat lost, and Rose was... well, stuggling to find a meaning to it all. Then they found each other, and all was right. Until he turned into Tennant, and that connection was lost.

Here's hoping they can get something like that connection back in the third series.

Okay, and finally: I was doing an audio version of The Clockwise Man, remember? Well, I had to put that on hold when I got a job (yay!), and when I cam back I found all my enthusiasm for the projecty had been drained (boo!), simply because I really didn't want to be sitting in front of my PC reading out and entire book. Boring in the extreme.

But (!) yesterday I was skimming through the book again when I had a realisation. Maybe... maybe I could turn it into a Big Finish style audio instead? So I went back to the beginning and went through it again, seeing if I could mentally adapt certain bits to suit the BF style. And I think it's a very real possibility.

Which is where you come in. I'd need people to provide voices! I can do a couple, as well as the Doctor (since I've been told I do a pretty nice Eccleston), but really I'd need a couple of other people to join in - most importantly someone who could do a decent Rose impression. So if you're interested, let me know!

Okay, that's it. You may return to your episode bashing now.

"London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency - LINDA for short"

See, I do still post reviews.

See, I've figured out why I can't seem to drive myself to write reviews these days. It's because I find it difficult to review something I like. Whether it's because dozens of other people have done it a million times better then I could ever hope to, or that I can't think of how to put the sheer fantasticality of an episode into words, whatever. The point is that when the episode is good, I can't seem to bring myself to review it.

But when it's bad...

It's a shame that that's the way I work, really. Because this episode had so much going for it. It was, or indeed is, very well directed, and it has a great cast. It also has none of that irritating Doctor/Rose smugness that's really been coming across lately, and the idea behind the whole thing - it's the outsider's tale - is great. And all these things come together and create, for the first 32 minutes, anyway, a cracker of an episode.

Then we see the Abzorbaloff. And it all goes wrong. Well, not so much wrong as silly. First of all, it's physically impossible to take Peter Kay seriously. I could certainly accept him as Victor Kennedy, that wasn't a problem at all. Good Doctor Who villains should always be a little comical, otherwise you risk ending up a complete joke. The problem was, you were supposed to be a little scared of this creature that could absorb people into itself. It's very tricky to pull off being a scary man in a rubber costume, and I know the team had to go with the design of an 8/9 year old, but it's amazing how they've managed to fail completely. I'm glad the kid was happy with how his monster turned out, 'cause most of the viewers weren't.

Secondly, Ursula. She wasn't the geatest character, but she was okay before she got absorbed. Afterwards, she just got on my wick. Here's why, in 5 easy steps:
1) "I'm so sorry you can't touch me..." The first of many cliched lines.
2) She's still got her glasses on, even when absorbed. Eh?!
3) Nice idea of getting the Abzorbaloff to drop his cane. Shame she had to tell the others in that Lord-of-the-Rings style speach.
4) "Bye bye Elton. Bye bye." I literally laughed when I heard that. It's just so pathetic!
5) She's a freakin' paving slab. I can't imagine this relationship lasting past the first fight. He throws her out the window, she smashes, one single guy. And don't get me started on their love life. RTD should never have put that line in and he knows it.

And then there's the Doctor and Rose. I really do hope David Tennant pulls his finger out next series. The scenes where he's with Ida in The Satan Pit two-parter are some of the best scenes he's done. Contrast those with some of the ones he's had with Rose and there's such a difference. I neither know, nor care, if it's down to the writing, the actors or both, but it's just getting old and I've about had enough.

It may sound like I really hated this episode, but I didn't. Just the last third. The first bit was excellent. Can't wait to see Jackie again in the last pair of episodes, she was great in this, and I am certainly looking forward to seeing how Rose leaves the show. Just... don't do too much comedy, eh Russell? It's REALLY not your strong point.

The Clockwise Man - Audio Edition?

In between looking for a job (interview tomorrow - wish me luck!) and waiting for new episodes of Doctor Who to download, I get rather bored. So, just for the hell of it, I dug out my old microphone and started playing around. Then, in an issue of something or other, I saw an advert for audio versions of the three new David Tennant Doctor Who nevels - read by the man himself. And I thought 'Why haven't they done that for the Eccleston books?'

Which lead to this - me reading the first non-chapter of The Clockwise Man. So... what do you think? Should I do the rest of the book? Are my impersonations of Eccleston and Piper really all that bad?

Comments please!

"They should have a shop!"

Bah. Here I was, all hyped up and ready to enjoy brand new Doctor Who and then Russell goes and screws it all up with a bunch of campiness and unwanted characters. Thanks a bunch.

So what went wrong? Letting Mr Davies write the thing, for a start. Actually, that's a bit unfair, the script did have its moments - few as they were. So rather then focus on the writer, let's focus on his mistakes.

What was up with the diseases? If they'd been cured, why the hell were there people down below infected with them? It might have made sense if it'd gone with my earlier guess at what was going on - they were growing clones to transfer the diseases to - but that was too simple for Russell, wasn't it! And while we're on the subject, Intravenous drugs - even attractively-coloured ones from the year five billion and twenty three - would not do anything if you splashed them on your skin. They have to be injected, hence the name 'Intravenous'. Big gaping plot hole right there.

The rest of the flaws are somewhat easier to overlook, (recycling of sets [the papermill from 'Rose'] and scenes [the Elevator sequence from 'Rose' and 'Dalek'], the Face of Boe's voice being totally inappropiate, etc) but they're the big ones. And on the other end of the scale...

I like David Tennant. I wasn't sure, 'cause I hadn't seen that much of him, but this pretty much confirmed what I was hoping. He's a good Doctor. And Billie Piper isn't half bad either. Considering that I'm not a big fan of her, and that's high praise. Also, and I'm probably going to be alienated for this, I liked both their acting as Cassandra. Call me old fashioned, but I like a good ol' fashioned body-swap. The cat-people were also pretty creepy, so some point for that as well. And... no, I think that's about it. Sadly.

Not the best series opener I could imagine - good think that TCI is being classed as part of this series then, isn't it? 3 for RTD's lackluster writing, 1 for the shop idea, and 2 for the body-swapping. Total - 6/10. Must do better.

"We didn't, we were trying to get in!"

Note: I reviewed episode 3, because everyone else was doing it. And Troughton and Pertwee met up, I guess.

If I could sum up this little tale in one sentance it would be "This must be a blast if you'd had a few." Thankfully it's quite enjoyable even if you're sober, so that's a plus.

I must admit it was quite interesting to see two doctors arguing with themselves, even though I'd already seen it in the Five Doctors, and while it is a shame that William Hartnell wasn't able to appear in person, the story manages to get by even so. Truth be told, there's not a whole lot that bogs the story down for once.

Okay, so the monsters are a little dodgy. Okay, so it's another bloody gravel pit. Okay, so the guy with the moustache and glasses is an annoying little prick. All minor issues, and easily forgivable when compared to the grand scheme of things. It's Omega, for cryin' out loud! He made the Time Lords! Give him some respect! Except when he takes his helmet off, that we could have done without. The whole flipping each other over scene is kind of an embarassment.

But overall, this is quite an enjoyable tale and I feel like watching the whole tale. At some point. In the future.

"The Yeti strikes him down with a single, savage blow..."

Note: Owing to me not being able to download the original episode (despite trying to for the past week, grr), I've listened, and subsequently reviewed, the audio version of the episode. This explains my somewhat harsh review of it.

Well, that wasn't exactly great. I'm sure if the rest of the serial existed I'd be more impressed, but as it was I thought it was boring and hard to follow. This from what is claimed to be the best Troughton story.

The introduction, in which the group escape from Salamander's (is that spelt right?) 'demise', doesn't inspire confidence. The next section, in which it's explained how Travers brought back a Yeti robot sans control unit, makes little sense as well. And then to top it all of, the TARDIS gets stuck in space. It's rather hard to follow on audio, but I tried - and failed.

I had hoped the episode might pick up a bit near the end. Alas, however, it didn't really, and the cliffhanger, in which the tunnels gets blown up with the Doctor still in them, isn't all I hoped for. I'm sure if I could watch the rest of the serial it would all make sense and I could see what people were talking about when they call Web of Fear great, but as it is I can't see what all the fuss is about.

"A thing that looks like a police box..."

Note: I can't be bothered to watch the first episode yet again, so instead I'm just going to reprint my review of the entire adventure, which is taken from my blog. Relax, it's still a good'un.

Having had my first, and only, experience of Doctor Who with 'The Curse of Fatal Death' when I was about 10, I wasn't sure what to expect from the new series, except for something amazing. It's nice to know not everything on TV is a letdown, isn't it? And so, now a Doctor Who convert, I took it upon myself to track down the very first episodes of the original series. Now, a few months later, I've commited to reviewing them all. Let's start at the beginning, hmm?

There's something of a child in all of us, so it's nice to have an adult to look up to. Especially a mysterious and magical one at that. He may have changed since, but nothing quite beats that first fantastic meeting. It's hard to imagine how people felt back in 1963 when this first aired, but my first thoughts, as I'm sure were the thoughts of many others, were "Strange."

That's probably the only word for it - Strange. Even now there doesn't seem to be all that much logic behind it. And by the end of the first episode things aren't all that clear. Which only makes us want to watch more, to find out what it's all about. The whole point I suppose, but even so. It's only when the Doctor finally appears that things begin to make sense, and even then it's still bizarre. "A thing that looks like a police box, standing in a junkyard. It can move anywhere in time and space?"

Yes, it can. And with the second episode comes understanding. It CAN move through time and space.And it has. We realise what's happened now, and we can enjoy the marvels that will come of it. But for now they're in the past - or are they? Cavemen trying to make fire. It could be our past, or another planet altogether. We're never told. (Unless you could the other title for the episodes, '100,000 BC'. Which I don't.) And yet it doesn't matter. Just as Ian comes to believe, so do we.

The rest of the episodes pass and we're off again. Somewhere new. Somewhere exciting. Somewhere... different. Which is what Doctor Who is. Different. there isn't another show like it. And that's part of what makes it great. The actors involved have, and I hope always will be, amazing, the scripts, although they've had their bad days, have mostly been good and the ideas have been boundless. I may not be a great fan of William Hartnell, but even I can appreciate what he did for the show, and even the world. I'd hate to imagine a universe without the Doctor.

The Bumper Book of Made-up Doctor Who Facts has this to say about An Unearthly Child: During the last episode of this serial, when William Hartnell had had one too many the night before with the production team, he was doubled for with the cunning use of a puppet made from latex skin and polystyrene hair. The team that made it went on to win critical acclaim for their work on Spitting Image.

Meet the Authors: Darth Marsden

Two things here. First, failing to find any Region One DVD covers for the story, I made my own DVD cover for 'The Ratings War'. Thanks to Simon at Shiny Art for the help he gave me with this (IE: the font he sent me).

Secondly: I never did one of these, did I?

Real Name: Chris Marsden
Age: 21, but younger at heart
Location: Rustington, West Sussex, UK
Homepage: I have two now. My initial website, which I stopped updating in July, and my blog, where I'm reviewing every Doctor Who story released on video or CD. It'll take me about two years to do them all, so stop by and support me, why don't you?
Earliest Doctor Who memory: The Curse of Fatal Death. I was about 12 when I saw it.
Favourite Doctor Who TV story of all time: I've hardly seen any, but I guess I'll go with the last 20 minutes of The Christmas Invasion.
And on the opposite end of the spectrum: The Long Game, but Boom Town is a close second.
Favourite Doctor: Colin Baker, but that may change once the new series gets underway - Tennant looks very good indeed. 
Favourite Companion: Haven't got one. Haven't even watched half of them yet.
Favourite Doctor Who novel: Again, haven't got one. I don't read them - I've got the audios, thank you very much.
Favourite Doctor Who website: Besides this one and my blog? Outpost Gallifrey.
Favourite non-Who website: Planet Phillip
Favourite film: The Empire Strikes Back, closely followed by The Bourne Supremacy.
Favourite TV show: Tricky, but I'll go with Doctor Who. :) South Park is another of my faves, as are Family Guy, Smallville, Nip/Tuck and Red Dwarf.
I enjoy reading: Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Comedy, with anything that combines all three taking top priority.
Other sci-fi I enjoy: Firefly/Serenity, Smallville (again) and Farscape.
Thing that irritates me the most: Cheap TV ads. And mobile phones with irritating tones.
Favourite joke: It's originally from Red Dwarf, and it's a bit long, but it's worth it.

One day a guy decides to buy a new pair of trainers, so of he goes to the local shoe stores. He can't find anything he likes though, and eventually he somehow ends up in a magic shop. There he finds the perfect pair - and they move of their own accord. He goes to buy them, and the man tells him that the trainers have been blessed with the gift of life. They'll clean themselves, tie it's own laces, everything. So the guy thinks "Sounds good to me!" and buys them.

Everything's great for a couple of months, but after a while the trainers start acting funny. Refusing to tie up, letting themselves get dirty, and before long it starts leaving the house of their own accord. The guy initially accepts this - after all, they are 'alive' - but after one particularly late night he confronts the trainers. The trainers respond by kicking him in the shin, and he lets rip at the shoes. Before he can do anything, they kick him in the stomach and jump out the window.  The next day, he awakes to find his car missing - it turns out the trainers stole it and ended up driving it into a telephone pole.

The man finds the trainers, torn, battered and apparently 'dead'. Distraught, the man returns them to the magic shop and tells the owner what happened. The owner puts his arm around the man and tells him that the shoes are at a place of peace. The man asks how he knows this, and the owner replies "Because those trainers had soles."
Guilty pleasures: Sweets, crisps, fizzy drinks... I'm a kid at heart.
Reasons for blogging: I wanted to share my latest obsession with other people. It's nice to know there are others who are even more mad about his program then I am.

 

Last Orders

This will be my last post on Behind The Sofa Again until the series kicks off again sometime in Spring, so I suppose I'd better take a look at what I haven't reviewed yet. But first - a bit of gloating.

I've seen Abducted by the Daleks.

Almost wish I hadn't. It's really not very good - but you knew that already, huh? Let me spell it out for you. We have four Russian 'ladies of the night' driving to... a nightclub? They all have very thick Rusian accents and it's damn near impossible to understand what their saying. Anyway, they hit something (it's an alien, one of those South Park-style greyheads, if you must know what it is) and the car's dead. They're in the middle of the woods and what do they do? Call for help? No, they get out some torches (Why, it's like this adventure was planned or something!) and go for a walk. One of them looses her clothes... and gets Abducted by the Daleks!

I have to admit, they can't talk for toffee but these ladies have some very nice bodies. So the Daleks (or Daloids, as I believe they're now known) want to examine the human race and study them so they can conquer them. So it's basically a prequel to The Dalek Invasion of Earth. The other three women, meanwhile, argue about whether to go back for the missing one. Two go back, one goes on. The two who go back start rubbing themselves together in a very not-at-all-sexy way and also get beamed aboard the Dalek spaceship. Finally the fourth one goes up, but oh-no! She's an alien too! She's in league with the Daleks! Bummer!

Somehow the three girls escape from their 'bonds' and are exterminated, but the fourth escapes, somehow losing her clothes in the process. There she gets caught by a hunter who's after a creature who skins young pretty human women alive (stay with me here) and decides to use her as bait. He ties her to a tree, still naked, and waits for the creature to arive. Unfortunately, it sneaks up on him and kills him (all offscreen). The creature arrives and, with a knife, prepares to skin the girl but at the last second he gets beamed aboard the Dalek spaceship by mistake. Oops. Two days later the woman is brought to a police station (STILL naked) where she tells her story. They dismiss it, but announce someone's come to pick her up - cue cries of EXTERMINATE.

I'm not going to review this. 'cause it's shite. I want that hour of my life back. The only reason I'm mentioning it is to warn you. If you really want to see it, use eMule or something to look for it, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Much more entertaining were my Doctor Who-related Christmas presents. I got the Series 27 boxset, which I'm savouring every moment of. Seriously. I'm only on disc 2 at the moment - that's some quality savouring. The commentaries I've listened to are quite interesting. Russell is such a nice bloke and his blurb over Rose is fantastic. The other two weren't quite so involving, but still good. For The End of the World there were two people from The Mill, I believe, and on The Unquiet Dead we got the writer, the directer and the guy who played Charles Dickens. Not bad, but not great either. The other extras were all fun as well, but not altogether fantastic. Eccleston's interview on disc 1 is pretty interesting, even if he only tells us what we already know. Still nice to hear him say it. out loud. Shame there's no deleted scenes or bloopers, but never mind, there's a bunch of other stuff to make up for it.

Some of those scenes are mentioned in the Shooting Scripts book, which was the big surprise for me. Didn't expect it at all. It's an interesting book that does exactly what it says on the tin - it's the Shooting Scripts. The scripts which the cast and crew had when they started filming. The book has some introductions by the authors of said scripts (the best of which is by Steven Moffat), and also includes a few lines and scenes which got left out of the final episode, but otherwise that's it. There's not a huge amount to it. Which isn't to say it's a bad book - far from it. Just that it's best recieved as a present on, say, your birthday, rather then spending £14 on it for yourself.

And finally, that Remote Controlled Dalek. It is, quite simply, the most fun thing EVER. Get one. If you can, get it from Tesco - only £20. Absolute bargin. Wee!

And that's about it, really. As of the new year, I start my challenge to review everything Doctor Who, and so will be far too busy to post mini reviews like this, sadly. But even so, it's (hopefully) going to be a lot of fun and I hope you'll all come and say hello. Tales of the Dark Side is the name of the blog. Hope to see you there.

Oh, and a Happy New Year to you all.

"Don't you think she looks tired?"

Well, this is it. The final review of this year. As I speak I'm downloading the commentary (see the official site where they're throwing it away - thanks for pointing that out, Neil)  with every intention of burning it to CD and listening to it while rewatching the episode again tomorrow and it just remains to go over the hour of goodness that the Doctor Who team have decided to throw our way.

And what an hour! That amazing crash-landing, those impressive Christmasy dangers, the Sycorax, the Doctor regrowing his hand, the new TARDIS room... everything! It was all so fantastic, and a clear indication that David Tennant is going to be a great Doctor. Hell, even Mickey started getting braver... good thing too... ahem.

There was so much to like about this episode I don't even know where to begin. The plot - the Doctor is still regenerating while there's an alien threat closing in on Earth - didn't sound all that great, but it's pulled off with effortless style and charm by all involved. The reversal at the end is a tad unexpected but well done and if you aren't excited by the preview of the new series, then you're clinically dead.

About the new Doctor... David does serious well (I missed Secret Smile sadly, so this is really the first time I've seen him do that sort of thing) but it's nice to have a Doctor that does light-hearted more easily then Eccleston.  The new outfit really does suit him, which is great since I wasn't totally convinced by the pictures, and there's a twinkle in his eye which makes you almost instantly like him. And he was revived by a cuppa! I mean - come ON! A cuppa!

Rose has some wonderful moments - her breaking down when she realises the Doctor can't save her this time, her delight when he does, the way she leans on Mickey, the way she tries to bluff her way on the Sycorax ship... she's an amazing character and I'm almost certain she'll be back for series 3... sorry, 29. (Yes, I'm adamant that the current series is no 2 but 28. Stop looking at me like that.) Looking forward to Mickey and Jackie's next appearence as well... the way this Doctor happily bonds with them at the end is a complete contrast to No. 9 and can only lead to better things. Can't wait.

Join me in watching the preview for the new series again, won't you? It's up on the official site for all to watch. Go on - just the way Tennant says "K9!" gave me goosebumps. And that's nothing copmpared to the ever-so-brief glimpse we got of the Cybermen in action. Oh yeah. It's gonna be another cracker.

Did anyone play the game by pressing the red button? I did - great fun. Then again, it was aimed at young viewers and I am 21, but even so an entertaining waste of 10 minutes. If you missed your chance, play it again after the repeat on New Years Day. You know you want to...

And I hope you all had a merry Christmas. I certainly did. As well as my RC Dalek (which TOTALLY kicks arse) and my DVD boxset, I also got the Shooting Scripts book - totally unexpected and a great pleasure to recieve. I'll review it before the year's out. Which reminds me... I'm thinking about reviewing the Big Finish audios in the New Year... two a week. Want me to do it? Think it's a bad idea? Comment! Nobody talks about my posts anymore. It's depressing.

"You are the heathen"

Okay, first of all - CLICK ME. And now, with that out of the way...

I was a little scared when I sat down to watch Bad Wolf. The previous episode had been one of the series' low points (for me at least) and I hate both Reality TV and Quiz Shows, so the forcast didn't look so hot. Thankfully 45 minutes later I was rivited and couldn't wait for the conclusion. So what was good about it? Hell, what WASN'T? There was Christopher Eccleston at his best (IE: When being dead serious), Rose dying... and then getting better, Captain Jack being... well, JACK, and Russell T Davies makes up for the dissapointing Boom Town.

The scripting is superb - full marks all round. It was only on this rewatch that I noticed that "I'm coming to get you" was re-used at the end of the episode. I miss things like this a lot. Anyway. Lynda was indeed sweet but she wouldn't have made it as a companion. I knew Rose would be in series 2 so her 'death' wasn't all that shocking but the Doctor's reaction... beautiful. There's so much to like here. And then there's the Daleks... Some wonderful intros, any one of which would have been enough. But when the big reveal came about... edge of the seat stuff, I can tell you.

And then came Parting of the Ways, which is what I call both episodes. (The same way I call the Slitheen 2-parter 'Aliens in London' and the WW2 one 'The Empty Child') What can I say? Pure perfection in an episode. If the new series is even half this good, I'll be wondering why it isn't twice as good. For me, this episode has three stand out moments:

- That moment when we lip-read Daleks
- The really touching hologram message
- "Maybe it's time."

I can't really say much more then that. One of, if not the best episode of the 27th series. Looking forward to the 28th.

"Edward Grove is the killer, and we are standing in his belly."

This is, quite simply, the best 8th Doctor audio I've heard so far. I fear they'll just go downhill from here. Never mind, it'll still be interesting to see - sorry, HEAR - how it goes. So. A review. Right-ho then.

The Doctor and Charlie have arrived in a Victorian house and are almost immediately embroiled in a mystery. Where is everyone? Suddenly, they know - and there's a murder. Then another one. The staff all know of the Doctor and Charlie, and yet they've never met them before. Suddenly it's back to square one, and another death. And all the while the ticking of the clock continues.

Where to start? Paul McGann has never been better, taking charge and yet not knowing what's going on. His enthusiasm leads him on and it's wonderful to hear him steam ahead. This could well be his best performance as the Doctor - Storm Warning aside. India Fisher, as Charlie, also gives a terrific performance. Her character is given some great lines and she really lives the role, delivering one of her best. The rest of the cast (even the big one) are pretty damn good as well.

It's a challenging listen - you'll actually have to think about it when the stunning conclusion does arrive - but it's one of the best Doctor Who stories I have, or, I believe, ever will, come across. Rather appropiately, it's on BBC7 at the moment, so if you haven't bought it, go listen to it HERE.

Also, here's a little preview of the Christmas Invasion which you might have missed...

"You must hunt the dark continent - seek out what you desire."

Before I kick off this review - look at the funky intro! Forget about the music, that's typical 80s synth, and just focus on the CGI. Pretty...

Sadly, that's the only part of the serial that's easy on the brain. Fortunately, that's a good thing. Confused yet? Now you know how I feel! This is easily one of the best Doctor Who stories I've seen yet, despite the fact that I'm not so keen on Mr McCoy. Hard to believe people thought the show had run its course when there were still crackers like this one.

The script is fantastic (even if the music does tend to drown out some minor lines on occasion) and the acting is fantastic, with the Doctor in particular being somewhat more enigmatic then usual, thankfully not being so... 'goofy'. Aldred too puts in a rather impressive performance, although could someone please explain to me why she keeps calling the Doctor 'Professor'? The rest of the cast, small though it may be, also put in some wonderful portrails of Victorian England. Rather makes me wish I was back there, really.

I won't delve into the plot - I have work tomorrow and I don't really want to scare the customers away by having my brain leaking out of my ears - but it really is top class and I almost wish we could have something of this style in the new series. This really was some of the best of Classic Who.

"You're looking morbid."

First of all, I'd like to apologise for the fact that this review is a week late. I've just got a new temporary job over the holiday period and I've been so busy I simply haven't had time. Thankfully, I got this weekend off, so you get two reviews from me this evening. Lucky you.

And with that said...

This is Colin Baker's best episode(s)? Oh dear - hardly a golden moment in television, is it? And I do SO enjoy him in the Big Finish audios. Ah well. On with the show and all that.

I did a bit of research (IE: I read it on some website) and this went out at 5:20 in the afternoon. Which is somewhat surprising when you consider how dark and violent it is - people are killed left right and center, there's an alcoholic, unrequited love (with a right old bag, thus ruining what would have been a much more sympathetic role), jokes about incest and no sympathetic characters at all (Takis seems to torture people just for fun). But enough of that - what's wrong with this?

For a start, the Doctor hardly does anything. Although that's not so much a bad thing as it is a relief, given that Colin Baker isn't the nicest Doctor - he makes some rather nasty jabs at Peri in the first episode. There's numberous detours, dead ends and one-scene subplots, an annoying DJ who, when he drops that irritating accent, is actually kinda likeable, an awful cliffhanger at the end of episode one and far too much reliance on cheap jokes and sudden shocks.

I really didn't like this. I kept waiting for something good to happen, but it never really did. Quite frankly, if faced with the choice of watching this again or viewing the teaser for the Christmas Invasion looped for an hour and a half, I'd take the Invasion anyday. Which is funny, since that teaser probably cost about as much as the whole of Revelation...

And before I forget... Someone, somewhere, wrote that Nicola Bryant is our revenge on the Yank's Dick Van Dike - something I think we can all agree on, hmm?

The Curse of Dimensions in CiN 2005... yeah...

Yay mini-reviews!

Dimensions in Time

I want to like this. (Amazingly.) I just can't. Maybe if there'd been more time thgey could hae gotten a decent plot in and there'd be something to enjoy, but as it is... oh dear. Did anyone understand the plot? Something about the Rani collecting different species or something, I dunno. Not that it matters much. I have to say the Doctors don't do too badly, although Davison clearly gives the best performance. And the effects work isn't too bad. That's about it, really. The sad thing is, Jon Pertwee introducing the first half of the episode was the best thing about it. Although I did dig that funky theme tune.

The Curse of Fatal Death

I seem to recall, such a long time ago, watching this when it was first on. I was about 15-ish, I think (Was it really on in 1999? Christ, I feel so old...) and I seem to remember enjoying it. Some things never change... We get great performances from all involved (Jonathon Price seemed particularly happy to make a fool of himself) and some cracking effects - that 'wall' of Daleks looked almost real! Very hard to find anything wrong with this episode... it's a real cracker.

CiN 2005

Eh, I can't think of a better name.

But wham! What an episode. Tennant looks right at home in the role. It's a very short episode so no plot to speak of, but even so the effects look great (some custom CGI for a charity special - unheard of!) and the script is damn near perfect. As a teaser for the Christmas episode, it works wonders. Can't wait to see Tennant and Piper getting to know each other all over again - we've never had it so good.

Do I have to go back to proper reviews? 'cause I don't wanna. :P

"I'm just a mouth on legs..."

Before I start reviewing, I have to get this out - with the Cyber Leader, we finally know what happened to Mr Burns. Excellent. It's been a while since I did a proper review, so here's hoping I can still do it!

That first episode, huh? If not for the DVD cover, I wouldn't have guessed it was the Cybermen. Makes you wish we could do surprises like that in modern times, doesn't it? But it's an excellent (feel free to strum your fingers every time I say that) first episode, full of drama and suspense. And an infodump that, shockingly, becomes horribly relevent later on. It's all good. But can it last? Well, yes. For the most part.

See, I've heard the Cybermen before. I like how they eventually sound - the electic death is perfect for making you quake in you (moon)boots. But what the hell was this? Remove all menace from the buggers, don't you? Christ. And a few other things. Playing with plastic bags is dangerous, surely? Why are they vulnerable to their own weapons? Why do they have to explain every little detail? But all those points aside, the Cybermen are as deadly as ever.

And yes, the suspense is carried across as the Doctor and Adric defuse a bomb, journey to its origin and are framed for murder (again). Much death and destruction (and a nice impression of Han-Solo-In-Carbonite) later and we've got a pretty good story. But there's one more trick up the production team's sleeve... I'm not afraid to admit that I was choked up when it happened. It was pretty damn moving. It's moments like this that really do make great television. It's what makes Doctor Who so excellent. (Fingers strumming) God only hopes the new series can have moments like this.

Off topic: check out the Outpost Gallifrey 2005 poll. Not so much for the best episode, but the worst... glad to see others agreeing with me for once. And hell with it. All three charity specials on Sunday as mini-reviews. Yeeha.

Webcasts ho!

Actually, this has been quite an enjoyable week. Shame I'm going to go back to one a review a week. Ah well.

Shada (Remake)

I have, through various means, seen the original version of this story with bridging narration by Tom Baker, but it was after I saw the webcast. so I'm not particularly held back by the typical constraints of comparing the two. Which is handy, since I happened to think this was an enjoyable little tale.

First though, the niggles. What's wrong with this? Several things, to be honest. The 'why we all have to go back and do everything again' speach given by McGann is pretty awful, as are some other lines dotted around the place. The reference to Douglas Adams that's been crowbar'd in ('It's a Ford Prefect') doesn't work at all and some of the acting is either a little too flat or a tad over the top. Also, some of Tom Baker's eccentricities doesn't work as well with someone a little more serious playing the role, but that's to be expected. For the most part McGann plays the role well, and in some other cases you almost believe the lines were really written for him. His smooth, laid-back Doctor plays the lines in a different way to Baker, but in an equally eccentric manner.

Since sets don't phsically exist in a web-cast, there's no limit to what you can build. As such, you've got some wondeful locations, really brought to life by the cast. All worked well - some slightly more then others, but overall a jolly good run by all. I suspect the gang had some good times recording this. The remake may not have been needed, but it's very welcome indeed, even if it does have a bit too much 'fan-wank' in places.

Real Time

There's one thing I will say about this one - don't watch (or listen) to it if you're squeamish. You get proper Cybermen conversion in this, and it's not pretty. Oh I'm sorry, did I spoil the surprise villain for you? Not likely. This has a nice couple of twists in it, and they all work wonderfully. Especially the end one... we need to see this resolved... are you listening, Big Finish?

Doing audios (or indeed Webcasts) allows you to get away with so much more then a prime-time TV show on Saturdays, and it shows here. It's a more adult story all around. The Cybermen are seriously th