Incy wincy spider
I will freely admit to coming to this special with every intention of enjoying it and succeeding in my aim. In many ways I think it proves the argument for showing Doctor Who in the winter – it’s much easier to create a spooky atmosphere in the dark and cold and people are more forgiving too.
The Runaway Bride has its problems – not least its title. As usual there are some plot points which fail to come together (such as the force-feeding of Lance with Huon-particle mineral water) which could have been explained with a few lines of dialogue. So much of the plot hangs on shaky pseudo-science anyway, it wouldn’t have jarred at all to say, for instance, that the Huon particles in Lance were simply used to draw Donna back to the nest. In fact, it probably was said, it was just lost under Murray Gold’s score and Sarah Parish’s mannerisms.
And thus, handily, we come to the biggest turkey on the plate – the Racnoss. Such an opportunity! What could be scarier than a massive spider? Unfortunately not nearly enough is made of that fantastic prosthetic. So many shots are of the head in close-up, losing the scale and highlighting the human features. Why not make her scuttle about a bit, chewing the scenery on all sides? Admittedly Sarah Parish does some great stuff with all the head-tilts and jerky movements and I don’t think an ancient, omnivorous scourge of life on all planets should be subtle and underplayed. She comes across as little more sophisticated than a talking spider and it fits. Despite what Julie Gardner may say on the commentary, we finally have a proper, evil villain who gets killed and that’s fine. No sympathy, no “I’m so sorry,” just incy-wincy killer spiders from the Dark Ages of the universe getting washed down the drain. Fantastic.
At last we’re seeing the Doctor we were promised – ruthless and scary and not constantly hopping about saying “avoid the void!” It’s a double-whammy of continuity glee as we get transcendental pockets and, at last, GALLIFREY. It actually brings in a lots of elements from the past: there was some City of Death, the secret at the centre of the Earth made me wonder about Inferno and the intelligent spiders, regrettably, recalled Planet of the Spiders. Finally, too, the whole “pilot fish” problem is sorted out. It makes much more sense for the robotic santas to be remote-controlled mercenaries – whose master I imagine we may meet next year (if a third special is commissioned). The big gong though has to go to the flying TARDIS sequence. Forget the physics, (the simplest way is just to think, “the Doctor’s smarter than me” as Salem suggested on the Canada Redux thread) it looks brilliant. The CGI is some of the best we’ve seen yet and when it spins up into the sky it’s a real punch-the-air moment. Don’t get me started on the final de-materialization though, what the hell was that supposed to be? In fact, my only quibble with the sequence is that I really didn’t like the children cheering them along, which other people loved. It just seemed too cheesy.
My biggest worry was always Catherine Tate – her programme is the sort of sub-Little Britain schlock which pollutes British comedy at the moment. It’s all endlessly repeated catch-phrases and gross-out “humour”. What happened to the Pythons, hmm? Intelligent, witty and 100 times funnier than a man dressed as a WI member being sick on a vicar. Of course, I needn’t have worried because the comedienne wasn’t writing and, as a character, Donna really grew on me over the course of the episode. She’s a brash selfish type but whose heart didn’t bleed when Lance said he’d prefer being the Empress’ escort than spending a night with Donna? Ouch! That’s just mean. She also fulfilled the wishes of many a blogger and kept the Doctor in check – delivering a quick slap when he started getting smug and flippant.
Being an RTD script, (oh here I go again, RTD-bashing) there’s a lot of excellent dialogue, my particular favourite being “walking in the dust”. I actually think he constructed a very good story – well-paced, exciting, entertaining and I watched with a cheesy grin – what more can you ask for? And before you reply, yes, I know: tighter script editing, a more dynamic villain and a remote controlled K9.

And to think it all started so unpromisingly, when Torchwood, that crack gang of renegades who, not only don't play by the book, have no concept of what a book actually is or what function it could possible perform in the devil may care world of alien tech recovery and shagging, are called out to investigate what is in effect a noisy neighbour. Instead of dialling 999 or even 101 why not get Torchwood to pony up some hardware at the scene. Got a cat stuck up a tree? Why not call Torchwood? Watch them remove it with a cat scaring and seduction bracelet that fell through the rift from a 43rd century branch of Accessorize and then hump Grandpa out of his Althzimers induced fug.
Some episodes of Torchwood were definitely written with the No-One Will Notice This Field turned up to a full 11 that you just accepted that Billis would, for no obvious reason, have a piece of the Rift Manipulator in his grandfather clock and that the good burghers of Cardiff City Council would use council tax payers money to build a massive Rift Manipulator in the middle of the Bay area and dress it up as a piece of modern art that spurts water down it. Century Falls? More like Weakly Trickling. Which reminds me of another oft ignored question, why do Torchwood personnel never feel the urge to be constantly running to the lav? With the base of the water tower, sorry, Rift Manipulator, being at the centre of their hub, the constant trickle of water down it must mean everyone is inexplicable wanting to make toilet every 7.5 minutes.
And Bilis. Ahhh, Bilis. The evil gay. Not a good gay, an evil gay. It's just the sort of mad bastard role you can see Tom Baker taking in the next series of Torchwood. No sooner had this character's rather unusual name been mentioned than the forums were a wash with questions about who this person might actually be. Could his name be an anagram? I swear, some people were taking his name, adding half a dozen random letters, and then proclaiming, "Look! It is an anagram of 'Where is Chibnall buried'". God save us from internet sites that dissect Doctor Who and Torchwood.
Unsurprisingly, this review contains a few spoilers so don't read it unless you've heard 'Blood of the Daleks' first. I'll just reassure you that once again, it's really, really good and
After the setting up of the world and the tragedy in the opening part, this was the Dalek heavy end of the story, with Nick Briggs doing over time on the ring modulator to create a cast of hundreds. Perhaps knowing that this story was to be heard by a much wider audience than something like the Dalek Empire stories, writer Steve Lyons concocted a straightforward meat and potatoes plot riffing on Genesis of the Daleks or Spare Parts, in which a proto-Davros, Martez (a chillingly clinical Hayley Atwell, pictured), living beyond his own execution in the body of one of his young female lab assistants was employing a crashed ship from Skaro to breed a new race using the inhabitants of his world, Red Rocket Rising, as fodder.
Inevitably, comparisons can be made with the new television series, with the mass Dalek army flying through the air, despite apparently being the classic models according to the cd box of the first episode, probably looking exactly like similar scenes in Doomsday. The resolution too smacked of The Age of Steel, but the final end to the conflict, fittingly for audio, was more to do with the Doctor's persuasive powers rather than some massive explosion. The theme of parallel development was repeated here too. I remember wondering, watching that mid-second season two parter what it would be like if the Telos Cybermen actually ever fought the parallel Earth versions and I imagine the results would have been something like this - although given that the former frequently couldn't walk or shoot straight and took ages to build a bomb the contest might not have been as even handed as this.













