'The Nutrition Cycle will begin...'

…though judging by Chinn’s chins, it’s been a work in progress for some time.

God, I hate reviewing part threes - so little to report, so much time. Basically ‘Claws’ three does exactly what any ‘good’ part three does - ratchets up the tension (or in this case, tickles it) and ends with a ‘how-will-they-get-out-of-that-one’ cliff-hanger that just about manages to keep the kiddie-winkies hanging on for just one more week. Thank God us post-modern bloggers only have until tomorrow to find out if they do or not - I mean, a whole week would just about finish us off, wouldn’t it?

So, once again the true face of Axos (think Mr Blobby with psoriasis) has been revealed, leading to some rather Six Million Dollar Man-style marauding around the nuclear power complex (taking in the odd typically useless and gun-autistic UNIT soldier as a snack along the way). Meanwhile, Jo and the Doctor are writhing beneath some day-glo tentacles - one of which gives Katy Manning a rather less than Saturday tea-time style fondle - and the Doctor is tortured by sights of his beloved Miss Grant aging to death before his eyes (though anyone expecting Katy Manning’s latter-day ‘bigger-on-the-outside’ gob to be replicated will be sadly disappointed).

Meanwhile, Bill Filer - again much like the similarly doppelgangered Harry Sullivan in ‘Terror of the Zygons’ - has been confined to his sick-bed, making curiously lucid warnings about Axos despite being (presumably) unconscious - I mean, I’ve heard of talking in your sleep, but on this evidence Filer could address congress and not break breath bar for the odd snore. But fear not, our Bill’s still an all-American stud despite his tribulations - witness the half-buttoned pyjama jacket that barely conceals his manly torso (lord help me, three episodes in and the best I can find to comment on is some guy’s hairy chest…bring on Tom and the giant rat, please!)

But the episode’s coup-de-grace is surely the Master’s effortless fooling of Benton that he is some high-ranking officer. At first, we’re not sure why Benton seems incapable of looking him in the eye (does he know it’s the Master and is trying to avoid hypnotism?) but then Roger Delgado turns round and peels off arguably the least convincing piece of rubber this side of Deva Loka. And it becomes abundantly clear that John Levene was merely trying to avoid laughing at it. Much has been made of Anthony Ainley’s less than convincing ‘80s disguises, but at least they didn’t have the whiff of novelty joke shop or Groucho Marx appliances about them. Oh well, chalk it up as just the latest in a long line of rubbish rubber ruses by the jackanapes…

And after that my mind started wandering, taking in only the Doctor’s haemorrhoid chair (fitting for a story bum-numbing enough to give anyone piles) and the fact that one of the UNIT soldiers may be Pa Slater from Eastenders (he’s one of the particularly useless ones who gets fried by the Axon, if you care to have a look yourself).

And then it’s the cliff-hanger - can Jo and the Doctor survive all that buffeting (with just the odd bruise to show for it) until next time?

And frankly, do we care?