Kill Bill (please!)

The Claws of Axos Episode 2

Kicking off with some experimental "music" that would make Tangerine Dream blush, episode two manages to resolve last week's ridiculous cliffhanger by implying that it never actually happened. If only. Poor Jo is accused of losing her mind and hallucinating visions of sentient spaghetti (maybe she skipped lunch?), and only the Doctor believes her wild story; even though everyone is standing in a whacked-out organic spaceship that can breed giant frogs at the time!

Don't you just love how the Axons go to all that bother of tying up Bill, but they fail to take his gun away from him? Pretty short-sighted considering their massive eyes, don't cha think? But then again the Axons are a pretty weird bunch (even for Doctor Who): they have a giant cock for a leader, weird snappy claws for handcuffs and a transformation process which makes them look like they're practising for a North Yorkshire gurning competition.

But they do possess Axonite, which is g-r-e-a-t. So great, in fact, a clever bloke in a polo-neck jumper and glasses swears by it. And that's good enough for me.

It also turns out that the Master was in cahoots with the Axons all along - the bastard! -  and before you can say "Derren Brown" he's got half of UNIT marching to his (theme) tune; he may as well don a cloak with the word 'nefarious' embroidered on the back of it for all the subtlety he employs. But you've got to love Delgardo. Even when he's simply going through the motions he's still eminently watchable.

Which is more than can be said for Bill. And if one Bill wasn't enough to make your teeth itch, how about two of the buggers running around bitch-slapping each other? No, I thought not.

And as for the cliffhanger - words fail me. You'll never look at tarpaulin in quite the same way again...