Tachyon TV

Battlestar Galactica: the Musical

In a desperate attempt to inject a bit of fun back into Battlestar Galactica, the producer's have announced plans to film a musical episode.

Described by Ronald D Moore as "Blackpool meets the Black Hole", the episode will feature:

• Commander Adama growling his way through The Smith's 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now'
• Boomer serenading Helo with a cover version of Cylon Dion's 'I Will Always Love You' (backed by a choir of naked Boomers). This then segues into Lionel Ritche's 'Helo' (bring a tissue).
• Colonel Tigh beating his dead wife with a broken bottle while he mimes (badly) to 'Fairytale of New York'
• President Roslyn's acoustic 'Personal Jesus'
• Baltar singing the theme tune to Pipkins (for no readily apparent reason!)
• Starbuck and Apollo in an all-signing, all-dancing version of Kylie and Jason's 'Especially for You'

And then everybody dies...

Battlestar Galactica Accidentally Cancelled

Battlestar Galactica has accidentally cancelled itself, Tachyon TV can exclusively reveal.

The second series had been commissioned for 20 episodes but it will all come to a premature end after the broadcast of episode seven (entitled 'Fracked'). Ronald D Moore explains: "We got to the point where we were being so gritty and realistic and not afraid of pulling any punches that we accidentally killed off the entire cast of characters. To be fair, the show was getting harder to write after episode five when we had Colonel Tigh beat his wife to death with a broken bottle directly after Adama's funeral, before shooting himself in the head, which we beautifully inter-cut with Starbuck accidentally setting fire to herself with a cigar, even if I do say so myself".

Furious fans are begging the producer to reconsider but Moore remains adamant: "An ingenious fan suggested that we turn the whole episode into one of Baltar's dream sequences but what he doesn't realise is that Baltar spontaneously combusts in episode six. It's a tough universe."

Richard Hatch is reported to be livid.