Doctor Who: Season Two Spoilers
Tachyon TV has discovered the identity of season two's Big Bad, an evil creature which will remorselessly pursue Rose and the tenth Doctor through space, time and Jackie's housing estate.
After the runaway success of the Bad Wolf meme in season one (well, until they tried to explain it) Russell The Davies has managed to secure a deal with The Crazy Frog for seven full episodes and six barely noticeable subliminals.
"Every time the Doctor unmasks the villain you'll hear the Frog sing his little 'Ding Ding'" explained Davies, proudly. "Trust me, it'll drive you nuts". Coldplay were unavailable for comment.
In a surprising twist set to be leaked by The Star, the Frog will turn out to be a mutated dalek who inadvertently plugged himself into the Babestation Contacts channel while he was busy researching reality TV shows in the lead-up to the dalek's recent plan to conquer the known universe.
Russell confirmed that the Frog would almost certainly be bisexual, thanks for asking.
Other season two spoilers currently circulating the net:
- Stephen Moffat's season 2 episodes will reveal the genesis of the cybermen. Turns out it's all down to an S and M swingers party that got completely out of control.
- K9 will return to the series, but only as a reference to a sexual position (Mr Moffat, again).
- David Tennant will speak in a broad innuendo-strewn accent. His kilt will be bigger on the inside (taxi for Mr Moffat).
- Billie Piper will leave the series after seven episodes at which point she'll be replaced by "any old slapper with an equity card".
- The Mill will not be providing the special effects in season two, citing "several nervous breakdowns" as a perfectly valid reason. They will be replaced by the effects teams responsible for Robot Chicken and Team America.
- Notable guest-stars who have already signed up to appear in season two include her off Hollyoaks, him off Holby City, the dog from Emmerdale and that bloke from that thing about the whatsit. He was good in that.
